DON'T BLINK! ...passengers waiting at the terminal of life

Don't Blink!

Don't mind me,

I am just passing through,

Don't mind me,

I am just passing by,

Don't save a seat for me,

Don't sign that freehold,

I am not stopping here forever,

Nothing will stop us from 

Growing old,

For I am just passing through,

A traveler in my life's winter,

All dressed to face the cold,

Waiting to drink the bitter,

A traveler passing by,

Suddenly out of the door,

If you but blink an eye

Here, in my life's winter... 

So don't think. my child,

Love and do not blink.

..................... 

It is futile to seek permanence in this reality. For this world is in truth a departure terminal. Undoubtedly, it is a beautiful place to be, with all sorts of distractions on offer, but we cannot deny that upon the instance of our birth, we already have our boarding pass for that return flight to our Creator.

I guess the apparent regularity of death in my life, among my friends, family members and my masters,, has turned my mind towards the inevitable question  - I hope my destination at the end of that not-to-be-delayed flight will be the same.

For I love them so, and I miss them so. And with them is where I want to be. I figure that you too have witnessed the passing of your loved ones, sunshine. And perhaps like me, you also now tend to look at the wares and products on offer in the terminal of this life with less attention and passion. Not because we love life less, no, it is not that at all...

It is only because life has an end, do we realise how precious it is. 

Thus by the infinite, do we comprehend the value of the finite...

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way  

AL FATIHA, AL FATIHA, AL-FATIHA - death and my guilty pleasures

The almarhum Sultan, at his son's zawiya in 2012, a month of two
after the passing of almarhum Shaykh Raja Ashman Shah.

Learning to Become Unlettered

I am a man of letters,

But when Love found me

Bereft of joy at the loss of a beloved,

I learn to become unlettered.

I learn to let Love write my life for me,

First, a little name was written...

"...Muhammad..."

Then a little phrase,

Next a sentence,

Then Love wrote for me

A whole paragraph...

Before the paragraph turned 

Into pages of paragraphs,

And finally concluding in

One small chapter of my life

That Angels call "One moment in

The life of Notrumi."

.................

Seconds of Love in a Day. I actually thought of ending the prose with "... One day in the life of Notrumi". But I felt embarrassed to do so. Because the truth is, sunshine, I cannot recall any whole day that I have lived allowing Love to write me and finish my sentences and actions. I am afraid that in the 24 hours of my average day, there are only minutes, or perhaps only seconds when Love furnished complete my thoughts, my words and my deeds. And the rest 99% of my day? Well... no doubt I was motivated more by my hunger, my tiredness, my search for recognition, my submission to the aimless distractions that God has filled this world with.

Oh dear.

Guilty Pleasures. I was editing this post when my friend Moses and his wife came by to join me. I felt terribly shy that they might notice my unfinished writing. I felt like a bride in the bridal chamber, and someone had left the door ajar. So I minimised the page, lest Moses might see the guilty pleasure that I am taking with you...

His Joyous Light!

I have no true pleasure in this world,

All that I have felt, all that I can conceive,

All happiness, all joy, all such things that men like to treasure,

To me, they are all guilty pleasures...

For they were not created for me,

But in truth, true Love was written for him,

Muhammad Habibullah.

And I await my real happiness,

My real joy and delight

To be in his presence...

In His Joyous Light!

...............

And I conclude this writing contemplating those whom Allah (swt) has given me the honour and pleasure to know and to know of - The Master, my Master and my Sultan, Sultan Azlan Muhibbuddin Shah ibni al-Marhum Sultan Yussuf Izzuddin Shah Ghafarullahu-Lah, Sultan of the royal state of Perak Darul Ridzuan, Malaysia... who left his physical body after a life well-lived just three days ago to return to the Almighty Sultan of sultans... 

al-fatiha al-fatiha al-fatiha

Oh sunshine, of all my guilty pleasures, perhaps they are my most guilty pleasure of all.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 31st May 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way  

TRUE REALITY OF LOVE, FAITH & HOPE - where hearts asunder are made whole once again...

Somewhere... not far from us, I am sure Poone is waiting. Al-fatiha...

He Never Left, We Have Yet to Arrive.

What is "not here"

When "here" is not really here?

What is "has passed on"

When he has passed on

From the transient to the permanent?

What is death but a door,

To a promised meeting

Foretold long, long ago.

So what is the truth of our present condition?

Our departed friends and kin never really left us,

And we...?

We are the ones yet to arrive.

...................

A Happy Gift on an Anniversary. I have been thinking a lot of my late brother, Saiful Bahri a.k.a. Abang Chik to me and Poone to his many devoted friends. A couple of days ago, on the Gregorian calendar date that marks the passing of almarhum Shaykh Raja Ashman Shah ibn Sultan Raja Azlan Muhibuddin Shah, I received an anonymous Whatsapp message. As it turned out, it was Pian, my friend and younger brother to my spirit brother, Ariffin, who also happens to be my partner in our law firm. Pian said that while browsing pictures in his phone, he happened to come across some pictures of Poone (I will refer to my brother that way, as most people reading this will most likely call him by the same traditional Malay nickname for Saiful. Yeah... don't ask me how "Saiful" becomes "Poone". It's a Malay thing) taken during their trip to the international horseback archery competition held in Amman, Jordan in 2012.

Poone standing on the far right, with my beloved Sarawakian companions of Umrah 2011
who are coincidentally my brother's companions for his Jordanian 2012 trip.
On the far left is Moses, completing the fellowship.

Poone with his namesake, Saiful Bahri and Ijan, with a couple of the
Royal Jordanian Calvary soldiers. My brother makes friends easily, just like
our late mother. I wish I have such a talent. 

Poone, resplendent in traditional Malay attire, the Baju Melayu. And there sitting
close to him is Ariffin. 

The Third Eye. I am tired of using my physical eyes. They often mislead me, making me see what I want to see, hiding many, many beautiful secrets and signs that Allah (swt) has left for us here, still stuck in this world. With three of the most gentlest people (My late mother, Ku Ash and Poone) I know now not visible to my eyes, I have acquired a habit of looking with my other eye. The third eye that is the spiritual heart which we all own. It is not out of faith or religion that I do so. I do it because I am yearning for something that is not available directly and physically in our plane of reality. Selfishly, I am yearning for those whom I have been separated from, wanting to feel their presence, thirsty for their kind words, their gentle smile and assuring embrace.

So I ask God Almighty, and His Beloved Muhammad (saws). I ask that my third eye may be opened for me to see, and to feel their presence. And sometimes, I do. In the dead of night all alone, or even in a crowded place. Their faces, their presence grow within me while this world and all its distractions recede into the background, barely a murmur in the true reality of Love, Faith and Hope.  

So you see... the prose is right all along. The deceased never really left us, we are the ones still yet to arrive.

The Boss... al fatiha...

May Allah bless our journey home. May His Muhammad Habibullah (saws) be our captain and master, and guide us safely to the Divine Presence where hearts asunder are made whole once again.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

HAPPINESS & THE SWEETNESS OF SERVANTHOOD -being a slave to God all-Eternal vs being a slave to logos

Happiness & the Sweetness of Servanthood
Why pursue happiness,
When happiness itself will pursue you
If you devote yourself to
The sweetness of servanthood?
.......................

Slave to the Logos. I have been selling myself short, sunshine. The fool that I am, to be hoodwinked by this world, and by the wasteful consumer society that we have become. To become a slave to the logos, brands, trends, fads, and the illusion of human progress. 

A very, very smart lady who has written a best-selling book on
advertising and consumerism. Worth a read, I reckon.

The Meaning of Happiness. So we seek happiness by buying whatever Madison Avenue advertising companies are selling, and by voting whatever faddish trends are being promoted by politicians. But what is the happiness we find? Is the happiness being sold by the corporations and politicians permanent and completely fulfilling? Or is it really a temporary form of self gratification?

As one servant to another, help me...

Transient Nature. By the nature of everything conceived in Creation, it is all transient. So your feeling of joy at getting the latest iPhone, or satisfaction by voting in the most attractive candidate into office are both transient, temporary emotions. 

In this World and in the Hereafter. If we seek contentment (as opposed to gratification), it is useless to try and plant our hopes on our turbulent emotions and feelings. For they rise and ebb according to our circumstances at any given moment. That is why, our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (saws) has brought the ideal of servanthood into our central core of living - servanthood to humanity, animals, the natural world and ultimately, to our One Creator, God.

As a typical consumer, I am greatly distracted from servanthood by my own selfish need for gratification. But then, I am not the sort to leave 'civilization' and bunker down in some cave up some lonely mountain. So a sense of proportions and balance must be achieved. This, I cannot do alone...

Help me and pray for me always, sunshine. I am in need of your good wishes and good examples.

I ask this of you, as one servant to another...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

FROM MORTAL TO IMMORTAL REALITY - the complete soul, the bridge and Adam's exile

I Have Come

I have come to lay to rest the lie,

I have come to bury the deception,

That there is any truth to you or I,

Nor any weight to this creation,

I have come to fish out pearls of heaven,

Deep in this infinite Mercy Ocean,

Trawling for signs of the Unique One,

More secret than a love potion,

More apparent than the rising Sun,

I have come bearing missives from heaven,

To you, to me, to anyone who would listen,

To remind us all of our final destination,

And why, in truth, 

Perhaps we have

Never left His 

Presence?

.........................

The Complete Soul. It is good to recall an interesting Hadith (oral tradition) of the Prophet Muhammad (saws), when he said words to the effect that... "When I die, I shall ask God to return to me my complete soul." It is also good to recall that learned scholars have acknowledged this important message, that the soul we hold directly in our earthly experience in our body that we wear, is not our complete soul. Only a smattering of rays of the light of our soul animates our mortal vessel. Substantially, we still remain in His Presence, no doubt besotted by God the all-Besotting One! No doubt so utterly captivated and devoted to God the all-Attractive One, the all-Captivating One, the all-Beautiful One and the One Whom we cannot bear to be separated from.

Adam's Exile. Of course, all this high-fallutin' transcendental reflection does not mean that we should all simply let waste our life here and wait to die and rejoin God and our complete soul. For we are still experiencing our journey through the hardship and happiness of this world, the sweet and sour fruit of Adam (as)'s exile. Reflection upon our immortal spirit, its connection to God Almighty, and the spiritual bridge between us and Allah (swt) that is the Prophet Muhammad (saws) makes this life all too precious to ignore. 

The Song of the Habibullah. So let us tread the earth of this world firmly and with great resolution. But let us be guided by the moral and spiritual compass that Allah the all-Loving has left in all of us... our heart and conscience. And in our heart, have no doubt that there is no music more enlightening, no song more true than the words and wisdom of God's own mercy to all the worlds, our beloved Nabi Muhammad Habibullah (saws).

Have a lovely Friday, sunshine...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THUS MY PROSE COLLAPSES INTO RUINOUS WORDS...

The Worlds

The Straight Path is a path

In both this world and the world hereafter,

And it is also the bridge

From this world to the world hereafter.

............................

I am told that the siratulmustaqim (the straight path) is so thin, you cannot even see it with your naked eye. But you can sense it with your conscience. So I try not to ignore my conscience, lest I become blind(er). Pray for me, sunshine!

The Worlds

This world is known as the natural world,

And the world of the Prophets and Angels

May be known as the supernatural world,

And the world of the Devils and the Djinns

May be known as the subnatural world...

Lo, the regret for those

Who think that the world of the Devils and the Djinns

Is equal to or greater than this natural world!

Lo, greater the shame and loss for those

Who think that the world of the Devils and the Djinns

Is even comparable to the world of the Prophets and the Angels! 

.............................

There is but one God. And His vision over His countless worlds and creatures is perfect and manifest. May we always be reminded of this, wherever providence may bring us temporarily, on our way towards the only place worth chasing... the Divine Presence of Allah (swt) and His Most Beloved, Muhammad Habibullah (saws). Pray for me, sunshine!

The Utterly Incomparable

... And nothing created is comparable to Him,

The incomparable One, absolute in His Uniqueness,

Utterly Alone in His Praiseworthiness,

Inexplicably Different in His Difference to His Creation,

Unimaginably Breathtaking in His Beauty,

Completely Absolute beyond any created understanding

Of completeness and absoluteness...

Thus my prose collapses into ruinous words,

Turning songs and poems
Into sighs and moans for the Unknowable 

Who desires to be known!

......................

Someone said to me, "Lo! How long have you been lost? Desiring something other than His desire? Desiring something other than Him?" Yes, that is me alright. So you, see. It is only natural that I ask for your prayers, sunshine.

Have a lovely Sabbath.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE CANVAS OF LOVE UPON WHICH GOD PAINTS AND PAINTS AND PAINTS...

You Cannot
You cannot find me here,
I am a lost soul, drowning
In the Sea of His Mercy,

You cannot speak to me here,
I am deaf to everything that speaks
Save for those who extol His Majesty
And the virtues of His Prophet of Mercy,

You cannot hold me here,
My spirit is ever seeking to free itself
From this worldly body,

You cannot understand me,
For I am bereft of understanding,
Knowledge of my true self being
With my One King,

You cannot see me,
For I am the veiled light,
I am the forgotten wanderer,
And I am veiled from myself
Lest my mind becomes my teacher,

You cannot make me despair,
For I am neither here nor there,
I am in a place without time or space,
And I wear many secret names 
And faces.
......................

Beginnings and Endings. This is not the end of a conversation, and neither is this a beginning. Whether it is yesterday, today or tomorrow, we are all part of a story devised by God Almighty for His pleasure. Thank God for God, that in whatever He may have planned for us, He plans with a love beyond mortal words to utter, with the certainty of a goodly beginning and ending, though God's divine plans are not encompassed by mere human concepts of beginnings and endings as we think them to be.

The Assurance of Muhammad. The assurance for humanity is that His own Beloved, Muhammad Habibullah (saws) is the epicentre and catalyst of His creation... the canvas of love upon which God paints and paints with unimaginable mercy, kindness and utter beauty.

And happily, despite what the news, world history or your weighing scale may suggest... you are a beautiful part of it, sunshine! 

alhamdulillah!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

IF THIS WORLD IS A DISH, ALLAH IS THE PLEASURE - war, conflict, politics... what of such trivial things?

...And Win

Lay to rest thy weary mind,

Ever in conflict with this world unkind,

Brothers fighting shouting aloud,

"This is not thine! This is mine!"

Lay to rest your sword of right,

Forget the glories that might have been, 

Say to the rabble, "This is not my fight,"

Turn to God, turn to the Prophet 

Know thyself 

And win.

....................

Every spoken word, written or heard, if it does not meander its way ultimately to the only true worthy thing that you can gain in this world, why say such a word? And why bother to write or read it?

Beautiful Garnish. It is this driving love, that propels the dervish, the sufis, the mystics to disdain wasted words, and wasted breaths. For the shining beacon on the shore of this world is Allah (swt) and His Muhammad (saws), the only true absolute discovery that you may ever find through this transient and illusory world. Everything else are only beautiful garnish and signposts to mark your way to God Almighty and His Messenger (saws).

This is not my war. The newspaper, today, yesterday and tomorrow will be full of hateful things, hateful people and hateful conflict. But this is not your war. This is not your conflict. The very definition of words and names for which people are killing or killed does not resonate in your heart. Money, power, religious authority, political gain, global domination, usurious profit and exploitation of the world are words meaningless to you.

Allah the Most Compassionate and Most Merciful has already picked you, and your eyes are forever drawn to the unseen and unknowable behind the curtain.  

This divine love does not make you an alien to this world. It does not leave you loveless with no affection for this world and its inhabitants. It will make you and those you touch better...

How blessed you are, sunshine!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

AT THE COURT OF THE KING, IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD EVERLASTING... someone is waiting.

If I knew me, I would envy me

Weeping widows would envy my sorrow,

Smiling babies would envy my joy,

Beggars would envy my poverty,

Kings would envy my riches,

Thinkers would envy my knowledge,

Lovers would envy my sadness

Pharaohs would envy my pride,

But above all. I would definitely envy me, 

If only God would lead me to me and tell me... 

" Here. Here you are.

With Me.

..........................

It is a tiring journey, don't you reckon? This never-ending search for yourself. Yet, there you are, sitting comfortably in your sofa. Lying in bed. Eating, living, drinking, breathing. But however happy you may be in this life, however contented you may feel, the truth is that there is an emptiness inside you. And life is all about finding meaning to fill that emptiness. To give meaning to who you are, where you came from, where you are heading to. For the answers to all these questions will lead you to some realisation of who you truly are. And the man (or woman) who knows himself, ultimately, will know of God.

But this little quest does not seem to have an ending, does it? You travel, from one horizon of your life to the next. And when you have scaled one hill, you find another, then another... and another. From birth to the cradle, childhood to the teenage years, through schools, colleges and universities, work to marriage to children to grandchildren, to grey bearded dotage.

This morning someone told me of the wisdom of this endless journey, this timeless quest, is because something is purposely delayed by your Maker. And the only reason why some good thing is postponed, is directly in relation to the worth of that something. So do not fret (too much) in your discontent. For that is a sign that God is keeping something that will satisfy you only when you arrive in the Divine Presence. And it is not something that this world and universe is worthy of holding. It awaits you across the threshold.

So live life well, and let go of it in good spirit. Something sovereign in value awaits you at the Court of the King, in the Kingdom of God Everlasting - Muhammad Habibullah (saws)... and you. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

GOD HIDES. YOU HIDE. WE ALL HIDE. - mortal faith, love and hope in the promises of an unseen God.

Hiding

Lovers embracing, hiding in an old chestnut tree,

Children playing, hiding under stairs and in broom closets,

Thunder rumbling, hiding in an overcast sky,

My soul is praying, hiding in unspoken gestures,

My spirit is with my Lord, hiding far from you and I,

......................

Hiding Humans. We all hide. Such is the nature of things. We hide in our clothes, in our makeup. We hide in our wallets, we hide in our credit card accounts. We hide behind our beard and our veils. We hide behind our academic qualifications and in our office title. We hide behind our smiles and charity. Sometimes the form betrays the true reality of our inner selves. But often they are disguises. I am not saying hiding is necessarily a bad thing. It is just how we are wired.

God Hides Too. Indeed, He is the best player in hide and seek. He is perhaps comparable to Time and Sound. For both natural events, like God, cannot be seen, but can be indirectly observed through the movement of the hand on a clock, and experienced by our sense of hearing. And God? Well it is that good feeling you have when you find your lost wallet. The descending calmness of acceptance in the demise of a brother. The smile from a stranger. The encouraging word from a colleague at work. So God is hidden, but He is also felt in our heart. For what other reason would He have made Man with a heart? 

Revelation is a created thing too, an expression of the Divine Will. God is hidden in this world and also in the hereafter. It is only by His choosing that He elects to reveal Himself. But what is true revelation when He is the Creator of revelations and the divine presence? Can the Uncreated One manifest His desire and will in a created thing? A created event? He can of course. It is up to Him. He sets the rules of Creation, He sets the script and the music. He can unbend anything and unmake anything. So in such circumstances are we constantly made aware of His presence and His Goodness. But what direct evidence do we have of His existence? 

Only in our hope upon His assurances... that He is Most Loving, Most Powerful, Most Compassionate and Merciful to us. The All-Knowing, All-Seeing and All-Hearing One. Such is the form He deigns to wear for our sake. What is the Essence of the form? It is beyond our conjecture, for such question is an existential rabbit hole that will break our mind and may possibly drive us blinking mad. I am not going speculating in that direction, for I see only emptiness and madness.

So all we have is in truth, Hope in His Promises. And I guess this is what is called faith (iman) that dwells in the heart of a believer. No one will understand this logic if he or she is not A Student of Love.

Thank God we all are!

Have a beautiful evening, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

DO NOT JUDGE, BUT LOOK! - your temporary home in the motel of the human spirit.

Look!

Judge ye not my home

By the measure of my little room,

Nor the smallness of my hearth

And kitchen where I cook,

For my true abode is my heart,

And therein beats the name

Of Ahad and Ahmad,

Do not judge, but look! Look!

Judge ye not my grave

By the measure of its length and width,

For my final abode is built 

With the love from my Lord,

And it is finer than any house

Mortal hands may wrought,

Do not judge, but look! Look! 

...................

Build your home, but do not be tied to it. Build your home, but do not make it a prison. For your house, your apartment, your flat, your bed-sit is nothing but a temporary place for you. At best it is the highway motel of the human spirit. So look for companions that will aid you in your journey and speed you towards the Divine Presence. And travel as light as you can.

Have a lovely Sunday, sunshine. I have always said that writing a poem is like composing a song. It is not about arranging as much words and smart sentences as we can, but what to leave out. So short and simple is always nice. God bless you always...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

LOVE IS BEST WHEN SHARED - you and the bird in the Conference of the Birds

All Birds Will One Day Fly Away

A little bird perched on my shoulder,

And he told me of things I never knew,

Of words and music, of knowledge and beauty,

And he said, "This is the world God has created for you."

As  I grew, from child to teenage turmoil,

Then to manhood and fatherhood,

I grew larger and larger,

And the little bird

Grew smaller

And smaller.

Until one day, the little bird said,

"What I had to share with you I have done so,

So now you must learn to carry on...

And to let me go."

..........................

Like a Bird. Don't get too attached to the birds that, for a brief while, accompany you in your life, sunshine. For as Nelly Furtado lyrically says... "I am like a bird, I will only fly away, I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is." They cannot remain perched on your shoulder forever, not when the siren call of the Divine Presence resonates within them daily. And with each beat of their mortal heart the song becomes more urgent, ever more arresting. Until one day, the bird can't stand it any longer, and finally surrenders to the eternal song of the Lord, to close their eyes forever and to fly to Allah (swt).

The bird in the poem is in reference to my late brother, Saiful a.k.a. Poone. But we are all birds. And as a bird, we must always remind the person that we are with, of our own mortality. "I love you...", we might say to our beloved, but add this necessary truth, "But Allah (swt) and the Prophet Muhammad (saws) loves you best of all. I will one day die. But the Love of Allah and Habibullah will always remain your faithful companion. If I were to suddenly go tomorrow, do remember me in your prayers. But never forget God Almighty and your Master Muhammad Sayyidina Mutahharul Janan (saws), through whom you may love me forever!"

Love is Best When Shared, don't you agree, sunshine? And it is best when it is eternal. Our mortality? Mortality is only a technical issue to be sorted out as we walk along this path of love.

So don't worry. Be happy. Remember.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

footnote: 
Sketch by Amir Adam Mohd Zahurein

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

GOOD ATTRACTS GOOD - now that you are not here...

Now That You Are Not Here

Dear gentle soul,

Now that you are gone,

I constantly pray for you,

As I know you are constantly praying for me,

Dear gentle soul,

You were not meant to be long here,

Beneath the eaves of this forest of trees,

And the tall roofs of the minaret spires,

Where are you walking now that you are not here?

Now that you have nothing left to fear?

Dear gentle soul,

The middle child of two beautiful souls,

Will you give my greetings to our mother,

Now that you are with her and not here?

Dear gentle soul,

You shall now never grow old,

And your love will never grow cold.

..........................

My late brother, Saiful Bahri, whom I call Abang Chik (meaning, literally older younger brother) and you call Poone would undoubtedly say to me, "Enough already laaa with the poems (us Malaysians like to say laaa at the end of everything to stress a point)". But if he took such an unexpected and discourteous exit from this world (well, God fated his passing, but I am still going to blame Poone), I think I deserve as much time as I want to write about him. Because, frankly, I won't be posting anything at all here in the Almanac if I am not writing about my dear brother.

Mak Ndak, my auntie sitting near the foot of Poone's grave.
Well, that's what I call her. My brother called her Mak, meaning mother, for
she cared for him when he was just a baby, as my parents
had to travel overseas for my father's further studies.

Last week, a very excellent friend of my brother called Boy (though he is not a boy anymore) dropped by the house to ask for directions to find Poone's grave in the cemetery. We did not talk for very long, but I was deeply touched by what he said. "You know..., if I get to heaven, I would wish my father and mother to be there, my wife, my children... and Poone."

From all these unnecessary accolades about my brother, I rather take it that my brother was a jolly good fellow. And I think in his all-too short life, Poone also collected a bunch of jolly good fellows as friends.

Good attracts Good. That's what I think. Don't you agree, sunshine?

Have a lovely Monday now.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE PAST, THE TUNA SANDWICH AND THE ORANGE

The Past

Do not look to the past,

And do not ask,

Could I have said this instead?

Could I have done something else?

Why did I not simply wait?

Could I have spared that dime?

Could I have made amends,

And said I am sorry a thousand times?

........................

Perhaps this would be what my late brother would tell me now. And I think I must agree with him. I am not interested to live through the past regrets and wasted opportunities of my life (I am too lazy). But I think we can change the past by learning to apply it in the present. Let me explain...

Oranges. Yesterday, while having an after dinner cigarette with my dad (who is turning 80 next year), he passed me a plate of sliced oranges. "This is good..." He said. I balked, because I actually stole a slice earlier from the fridge, and oh boy, was it sour. But then I recall the last conversation I had with Abang Chik (whom you call Poone). He was asking me (for a second time) to eat the tuna sandwich that he bought earlier that afternoon. And for a second time I said no - first I declined because I just had lunch, and I said no for the second and last time because we were already going out to dinner. A dinner which we were all destined not to have when arwah Poone suddenly passed away just as we were about to leave our house on that rainy evening on 14th September. 

"So what if this is the last orange that my father might offer me?" The thought crossed my mind. After all, if Poone could go so suddenly, why not me, and why not my dad. "Perhaps this would be the last dinner we shall ever have together in this life?". Oh boy, the drama, the weighty issues at hand.

So yes. I had that orange. A couple of slices actually.

And yes. It was still damn sour.

Hehehe.

Appreciate every second of your life, sunshine. And every second of your kin and friends' time here. It will not last forever. Don't be like me and take everything for granted.

A Caveat about the Sinners' Almanac - Just a short reminder before I leave you... You know, I often share stories about my life here. And some of them appear to make me out to be a decent sort of fella. I am not sure I am. For just like the man who posts on his Facebook wall, pictures of him going to the gym, you must ask yourself about the number of times that he hasn't actually gone to the gym (he he he). He is not going to post pictures of him lazing on the sofa in front of the TV. I think I am like that man.

But you know... I am trying.

Have a lovely sabbath.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way