THE WINDOW DISPLAY OF THE SOUL... belief is not a destiny but a journey

The Window Display of the Soul

I am looking at myself,

Looking at the words

That I bedeck this almanac with,

Akin to a window-shop display

Of my thoughts that I found

Prose-like and pretty,

And I now wonder whether

These words truly

Represent me,

After some contemplation

The truth is deceptively easy,

That, no, these words are not me

But they are what I would like to be.

..........................

Salesmanship and self-delusion. We all have a certain level of salesmanship. I think it is inherent in most people, that we would like people to think of us in the best way possible. And indeed, it is true even for our own self knowledge.  We are our own shopkeeper, and we decorate the window-shop of our soul with pretensions of virtue, and we are also the customer of this products of self delusion. 

I am thinking of this because of the simple words; "I believe in God." And after some contemplation, I must admit that my level of belief in God rises and ebbs according to my tide of fortune. I would like to be constant and steady, but no. At an intellectual level, yes, but not on a moment-by-moment impassioned way, to live my life in the constant assurance of His existence and what He has promised humanity.  

Belief is not a destination but a journey. This in itself is not a bad thing, I guess. For I do believe that complete belief is reserved only for the Prophets of God, and the best and highest form of belief in God is in the conduct and manners of Muhammad Habibullah (saws), our most beloved and the last of the Prophets of God. So now, when I am thinking or talking, I am careful with the words, "I believe in God." Saying or thinking these words as honest as I can, and asking God to bring me closer to the completeness of belief, to the sweetest of His Truth, which is exemplified in the Prophet (saws). Phew... that is a big, cosmic level prayer. But even an infinite journey begins with a single step, yes?

Abang Shem. I would like to end this posting with a sad news of the passing of my beautiful cousin, Mohamed Zaid bin Zainal, known to me as Abang Shem. He passed away on Sunday morning. I will write of him when I am more calm and collected. May Allah (swt) accept him and bring him to the Divine Presence in the company of Nabi Muhammad (saws).

al fatiha

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

OUR EXISTENCE ANCIENT - the beautiful nature of time... and of our cousins and mothers.

Our Existence Ancient

Age is just a means by which we mark

Our time in this world,

For however our body may age,

It shall never exceed the measure of our soul,

Our existence ancient beyond its mortal cage.

.....................................

DAY OF COUSINS. Today is a day of cousins for me. I met a 51 year old Shan bin Sulaiman for breakfast (he promised me a local delicacy called popiah basah to lure me to his neighbourhood). And awhile back tonight I attended the wedding of my cousin's son, Aiman. Sitting at my table were two of my beautiful cousins, Kak Nani and Kak Lah, who is 61 and 63 years old respectively. I myself am going to be 43 years old this year, so to count the number of years between us four cousins it is 218 years. If we add my father's time, which is just one year short of 80, it would be 297 years - almost 3 centuries. Hehehe. Makes me ponder, this number does. 

I was thus pondering when suddenly the song A Thousand Years wafted through the wedding hall and I was almost overcome with a profound melancholic feeling. And in that brief moment I recall the history of my Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s), my Prophet Jesus (a.s.) and the retinue of Muhammad's Companions known as the Sahabat, and the golden chain of forty Grand Shaykhs and many more Shaykhs and Saints, all of whom I have been introduced to. And thus also in that moment, the face of my late mother came to me, who introduced me to this world. 

So you see, more than a thousand years can pass within a solitary moment, though you are in a crowded wedding reception, with happy smiling people and their happy smiling faces. This thought made me paused  in my contemplation, as I too smiled back at my cousins. Alhamdulillah.

Have a lovely Sabbath, sunshine.

See you soon.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF A WOOKIE - Mikhail, Gungi and Emina...

299. Learn to Listen

You must learn

To listen

To your children.

For though

They may be the one

Asking the questions,

In truth, it is you,

Who is also learning.

...........................................

My son, Mikhail is 9 years old now. And I guess like all children he is both curious and self-absorbed, both habitual and arbitrary, both learning and forgetting, resting and playing, and sometimes doing such contrary actions all together in a single moment. Sometimes he appears to be the kindest angel, while at times he can be overborne by impatience and confusion in a world where the adults say one thing, but do the exact opposite sometimes. I think it is tough being a kid, sorting out all the mixed signals we adults transmit in our daily lives.

When he is sleeping, I too get confused. I know Mikhail is Mikhail, but I when I gaze at him also know that he is me. And that a part of me and my kin is inside him. An epoch of previous lives making up part of what we and our children are. And I wonder sometimes, how shall we account compared to our ancestors, both the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly?

But what is beautiful and ugly anyhow? A young wookie may not be everyone's idea of the ultimate expression of beauty, but to Mikhail he certainly is. "But Gungi is sooo... cute, Papa!" My son exclaims. 

"Cuter even than Emina (Mikhail's malay-turkish cousin)?" I enquired. 

"Of course, Papa!"

Oh well then.

Listening in was Heche, and she unhelpfully interjected, "Do you know, Mika, we used to have a belief that pregnant woman who always looks at a particular person during her pregnancy, her baby will probably turn out looking like that person?" Mika's eyes widened, "Really?"

Heche, "Yes, reaaally..."

"In that case, when I have a wife, I am going to lock her up in a room with three types of food (Don't ask me why...) and hang pictures of Gungi all on the wall! Then I will have a baby that looks like a mini-Wookie! Yea!"

Heche laughed and simply commented, "I cannot wait to see how your wife will react to your plan, Mika."

Life is full of laughter and wisdom. And the ever-engaging personality of a 9-year old and his strange ideal of human (Wookie?) beauty.

alhamdulillah, sunshine!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

You Cannot Force Forgiveness - forgiveness and the gathering of virtues

Forgiveness and the Gathering of Virtues

Forgiveness is a feeling,

A state of emotion more

Than mere statement of intent,

And try as we wish, to forgive,

Whether we will or not is almost

Beyond our control, just like falling in love...

So while you intend to forgive,

And you have not yet,

You need only arrange your life

To be in the constant company of love and mercy,

For sooner or later, I have no doubt that forgiveness will hear

The merriment and compassion singing in your heart,

And ask to enter the fine assembly...

Spellbound and drawn as it is

To the gathering of virtues within you.

.......................................

If we have to be absolutely honest with ourselves, how many times have we wanted to forgive, but couldn't. When pressed to forgive, I think we often do try to forgive. But we know that in our hearts, the feeling of forgiveness has not come yet, no matter how we dress our behaviour outside. For true forgiveness cannot be forced.

In such a situation, you can only move on and carry on - being that great guy you have always been, being that wonderful woman that we all know you to be. In time, you will rise higher and I have no doubt, you will forgive, as the most natural thing in the world. In a single breath, in one a momentous sigh, you would be able to let out all your sadness, hurt and pain... to finally forgive and to let go of the bitter past.

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

p/s : My cousin, Abang Shem and his wife, Che Yong just celebrated their 25th Wedding Anniversary. It is amazing that I can still recall the first time he brought his girlfriend Che Yong to our old house, all those many years ago. I remember thinking of Che Yong, "Say, here is a bubbly bundle of cheer.". May Allah and the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) continue to bless their hearts, hearth and home with the glow of heavenly lights. I know that the path has not been easy, but when things were tough, they showed great courage, and of course, great love. 

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Richness of Stairs and the Pillow of Baby-ness - Mikhail's strange contemplation about life, wealth and women

Mika's dreams - Ahh... money, money, big TVs... and stairs... lots and lots of stairs!

Mika and Stairs. While re-hydrating my body's depleted caffeine coursing through my veins this morning, Mikhail the Indomitable (my 8-year old son) shared with me some thoughts...

"You know, Papa..." said Mikhail, "Uncle Chad (my ex-wife's brother-in-law married to Mika's aunt, Rogayah. They are living in North Dakota,USA) is rich, and he earns a lot of money as a postman!" So I asked Mika how he knew that.

"I know he's rich because in his house, they have two TVs, Papa. And they are huge! And also his house has lots of stairs."

"Stairs?"

With big-googly eyes Mika expressed his astonishment at Chad's richness in stairs. "Yes, Papa! They have so many stairs! Even the toilet has stairs!"

............................... 

Mika the Younger. I guess different people have different criteria for wealth. That stairs-fixation of Mika is not actually that far off from reality. During the time of William Pitt the Younger, Prime Minister of England in the 1800s, one of the ways he tried to balance the national budget (and he succeeded!) was to raise taxes through window taxes. Homeowners have to pay for the number of windows that adorn their houses. I guess if Mika became Prime Minister, he would probably tax people's stairs. 

Tax on stairs? Damn, I wished I thought of that!

............................... 

True Richness. An ancient friend dropped by this morning. He was talking about fortunes, good and bad. He just came across a good fortune and was musing (as ancient friends often do..). "I am blessed, I know. But good fortune often comes with baggage. For one, (as if I don't owe God and the Prophet so much already) I feel utterly undeserving of my good luck. I feel there is so many people out there who have either worked harder, more intelligent and generous and certainly not a horrible sinner like me, who probably deserves this good fortune. Yet, it has fallen unto me. Once upon a time, I used to live as if I have nothing to lose. Now there is this fortune sitting in front of me, and God will hold me accountable for every dinar and dirham (my ancient friend's a staunch proponent of the gold and silver money system) that I keep or spend." 

Hehehe. There is no pleasing people. In good or bad fortune, they worry about how best they should act to please God and the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). But such people are rich already in the Divine Presence whatever their worldly state! 

............................... 

College Women and Baby-ness. Yesterday Mika confided in me that he spoke to Adam, his 18-year old cousin who is presently studying Art in college. "Papa, I asked Abang Adam (brother Adam) how it's like in college. He tells me that there are two things to worry over."

"What are they, Mika." I asked.

My son replied, "Work and women."

Mikhail is at that age where he can't stand girls. Girls are yucky. Girls are gross. But he has a soft-spot for Emina, his toddler cousin. "She is soo cute, Papa. I like to lie my head on her tummy." I teased him about it, "Oh ho... you like girls! Emina is a girl!" But Mika clarified the matter for me - "Noooo, Papa! I like her baby-ness. When she grows old, I won't like her anymore."

Oh, I see.

Emina. To her parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, she is a beautiful baby girl.
To Mikhail, she is a pillow of baby-ness.

Have a lovely Friday, sunshine. God bless all children of this world.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Eid Celebrations, Family and a Greedy Little Pig - oink! oink!

Coming to the end of Ramadhan and the Eidul Fitri celebrations on 1st of Syawal to mark one month of fasting by the Muslims, it is common for us to receive festive greetings via snail mail, Facebook, sms-es and WhatsApp (well, for us Android users at least). I have been a bit busy yesterday as we had a drove of wonderful, bright-eyed, brilliant and good-looking relatives come visit us on the first day (well, I have to be complimentary if I want them to come again next year... Or am I spreading the butter too thick?).

So I am finally able to catch my breath today, and have been typing my late replies. If you did not receive my reply because you never sent me an Eid Mubarak greetings (And by the way, why didn't you? *sad*), well here is my best reply sent out today -

Salams sunshine,... If you but knew me a bit better perhaps you would not like me, but if I knew a bit more of you I am sure to grow fonder of you. So my Salam and prayer for us this Eid is for God and His Prophet to veil my wickedness and to unveil your goodness that I might continue to be blessed with your love and companionship... alhamdulillah, God be praised! Madad ya Saideena Muhammad, madadul Haqq!

For those who came yesterday, thank you kindly for your company and smiles... It was wonderful. A note of thanks for my brother, Zahurein, for cooking up a mouth-watering Mee Rebus (a local noodle dish in beef, oxtail, shrimp, chilli and sweet potato broth). I am ashamed to confess here that I, a greedy little pig, had 4 servings.

He was THE host, but he had 4 servings! Shameless...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Extended Families - don't forget them...

1. Fountain of Youth

The Fountain of Youth

Is Youth itself,

And the Elixir of Long Life

Is a life well-lived.

............................................................

I visited a cousin yesterday. Kak Mah had a fall while out marketing with her husband. I am the youngest son of the second youngest in my late mother's family of 9 siblings. This means that the age gap between me and some of my cousins are pretty big, up to 20 years difference. This also means that my nieces and nephews (which to us Malays also cover our cousins' children) are not much younger than me.

I think this picture must have been taken in mid 80s perhaps, when I myself were in my teens. They are all my nieces and nephews. The grand old lady is my MakWe, the eldest of my mum's sisters. With her is my PakWe, her husband, surrounded by their grandchildren. Sadly, two brothers in the picture, Firul and Imran are not longer with us, called back to the Lord in the spring of their manhood...

Sigh. Nowadays I am going to funerals almost as often as weddings. But then again, there are also many, many births as the surviving kids start becoming mums and dads. How time flies.

I have nothing profound to share with you. Perhaps a gentle reminder (to myself really) to make time for our family. And not just our immediate family, but our extended branch of cousins, second cousins and our uncles and aunties. Sometimes we take for granted the happy memories of our childhood, and live in our past. But there is still joy to make now, and happy memories to create simply by being with our extended family. My mother, God bless her sainted soul, always made time for her very large circle of extended family and friends. And when she passed away, they all mourned her passing.

Thank you for dropping by, dear reader. You are already part of my own family. It's just that we have never been introduced yet.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Postscript. I wrote this piece about 3am this morning. An hour after I am told that someone dear to me had  passed away. He will be buried today after Friday prayers. I fear I cannot write anything more than this.

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Ibnu Arabi's Dreamer and something totally whimsical about cousins

Kiara Cemetery

35. The Dreamer's Dream

I read that Ibn Arabi

Encouraged us

To learn the ability to

Control our thoughts

In our dreams,

I pondered how,

Until I heard a voice;

"And who is to say that

Awake, you are still

Not dreaming?

And in truth, you are

Only alive in the Dreamers's dream?"

Ibnu Arabi. At first glance, Ibn Arabi appears to be advising us to learn to behave in our dreams. But then how will we learn good manners (adab) in our dreams when awake we behave badly. So in a roundabout way, he is also telling us to control our thoughts (and behaviour) while conscious. Because our conscious reality is nothing but a Divine whim within a dream of God. But of course, this is just my conjecture.

And what is a good way to good manners? A friend offered this advice - speak less and listen more. Right ho.

Cousins. On a less somber topic, Me and Heche had a lovely afternoon in the company of my awesome possum cousins, Kak Nani and Kak Lah who fed us too much. Kak Nani had a birthday party for her granddaughter last Saturday which we were unable to attend because of a wedding. Anyways, there were still a lot of delicious leftovers, so she called me early this morning to come help empty her pantry. "More. More. Some more. Please take some more. Surely 4 is not enough. You can rest then eat again. Just a bit. Come on..." We had Mee Bandung (a noodle in prawn chilli based broth with eggs and veggies), popiah basah (a steamed vegetable in a heavy chilli -fried shallots - dried prawns - dates gravy in a thin Chinese roll), ABC (a dessert of shaved ice with corn syrup, peanuts, evaporated milk, creamer, broadbeans and assortment of other garnishes) and finally a couple of sweet mangoes. After 2 hours we had to beg leave and slowly waddled our way back to the car.

Have a lovely sunday, Sunshine. God bless our cousins (however determined they are to make this sinner even fatter).

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The T-Rex and the Cat, Mikhail's dream...- Pictures tell Stories

One night, a little boy by the name of Mikhail was asleep.
And he was dreaming...

T-Rex: Rooooarrrr! Roooarrrr!!!

T-Rex: Roaarrrr! Roaaaarrr... Ack! Ack! Cough! Cough!
Cat thinking: What the heck is that?! 

T-Rex: Rooaaaarrr! Arrrrgh!!!
Cat: You are the biggest lizard I have ever seen.

Cat: And look at you tiny arms!
T-Rex: Roaaarr... argh?
Cat: You know... freakishly disproportionate...
.T-Rex: Argh? ROAAAAAR!!!!

....................

When my nephew Adam was small (he is a towering 18-year old now), he was absolutely besotted with dinasours. Yesterday Adam gave Mika his old 1-foot tall T-Rex. When Mika and I went out for breakfast he brought along his new toy, much to the interest and astonishment of the resident feline.

Have a T-Rex-fic day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way 

9 STEPS TO GETTING MARRIED - Pictures Tell Stories

Find a woman. Fall in love. Propose and get engaged. Check the diary and set the dates.

Show up on said date all dressed and perfumed. Bring family and colourful entourage. Try not

to look nervous. Close your eyes and remember that this is suppose to be an important day in

your life. And that you WILL remember this day for the rest of your life. For really, honey, your

life will not be worth living if you forget it.

Amirul the groom chats with the Tok Kadi who will be officiating the Aqad ceremony
(solemnization of marriage) and sorts out the last minute documents and formalities.
In the background, the dulang (tray) girls bring in the hantaran (gifts) from the groom
side to be exchanged with hantaran from the bride's family.

Balqies the bride, sits a modest distance from the ceremony, waiting nervously. The Tok Kadi
confirms with Balqies that this young groom is indeed the man she desires to marry, and Amirul
in turn was questioned the same. It is good to make sure. 

Sitting next to the rather young Tok Kadi is my cousin, Zaid, father to the bride.
He also looked rather nervous. I joked with him recalling how one of my friend had an
agonizing Aqad not because of his mistakes but the soon-to-be father in law who kept fumbling
the words. That is why the father to the bride would sometimes pass the task of Wali ( representative
who would marry the bride to the groom) to the Tok Kadi. But then my cousin
said, "But I am doing it myself." Uh Oh. Didn't know that.

Only then did I notice a nondescript piece of paper sitting in front of Zaid.

Well, this is a good innovation! So now the chances of the father making mistakes is greatly reduced.
He really just need to say these 2 short paragraphs to marry his eldest daughter in holy matrimony
to the eager groom. If he forgets in mid-sentence, he can just quickly glance down and carry on. 

You gotta test the microphone. No point of speaking if no one can hear.

My cousin grips the hand of Amirul, and in a soft and hardly audible voice reverberating
with emotion he said the magic words. The moment he finishes, he firmly shakes the groom's hand,
indicating to Amirul that he is suppose to respond and confirm.

In a loud and clear voice, Amirul confirmed the Aqad. Happy couple now married.
God bless their young hearts.

Well that's it, sunshine. The deed is done. Have a lovely day.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Photographer gets Photographed - Wedding of Amirul & Balqies

107. A Reason and Season III

For every reason

There is a season,

For every passion

There is an Eden,

For every man,

A gentlewoman,

In a book,

Long, long ago written.

I am rushing this morning as I do not want to be late for a wedding. This is the Aqad which is the solemnisation of the marriage vows between Amirul and Balqies, my cousin Zaid's eldest. Amirul is in Shell while Balqies is a photographer. In fact I have used her pictures before and placed her link on my blogroll for the longest time. I guess this time around it is the photographer who gets to be photographed. And seeing a recent picture of her, I think she will look beautiful today.

Being 42 years old with just enough white hair to pass off as a respectable middle-aged man, I have also been asked to be one of the four witnesses when the groom verbally confirms his marriage contract. My job is just to listen and say "Sah!" (Valid!) after his recitation of the correct words.  

Well, that's about it for now. As I said, gotta rush... we have a lovely couple to marry off!

Have an uber-fantistico day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Mikhail, Mathematics and his cousins - Pictures tell Stories

Mikhail'a cousins. From the left in gentle repose is Emina of Malay-Turkey stock.
Aaliya is an American here on holiday and comes from North Dakota.

She is here together with her 1+ sister, Jasmine. This time around they have decided
to bring their parents (Chad and Lin) along for the 23 hours flight from the cold of Bismarck, ND
to the hot and humidity of Kuala Lumpur.

I was a little curious why Mikhail was a bit slow in his mathematics when I
helped him in his homework. But it appears now that studying in the house is simply too
distracting. In his tuition class, Mika actually did decently. A little peer pressure is
useful sometimes. He came back very happy with his perfect score. "What are
you going to do with it?" he asked, as I looked at his answer sheets. "I will
blog it of course." I replied. Sorted.

I am looking at a vacant bungalow house lot abandoned by the owner. It doesn't
take long for nature to reclaim her own. You can still see a little of the perimeter wall.
I wonder why the owner did not go through with building the house. A little brook runs
down the hill slope just outside the property. This very green area is just 5 minutes from
one of the busiest suburb of Kuala Lumpur with its giant malls and shopping centres. 

To end this international posting is the marriage of this tall fella. He doesn't look
particularly native, and there is a reason. He is half Swedish. He speaks perfect Malay
which is rather astounding when I first met him more than a year ago. We were united
in our love for dance back then, so I am glad to see him this happy in connubial bliss.

No poetry today, sunshine. Just the poetry of life.

Pax Taufiqa.

Mothers, Fathers, Cousins. Past Pearls that Define our Present - Pictures Tell Stories

80. The Pearls of the Present

The present

Is a time

Judge by a past

That preceded it,

And a future

That will follow.

By itself,

It has no meaning,

Being a shell,

Empty and hollow.

The pearls, my friends

Must be sought

Elsewhere!

In a previous posting, your sinner (that's me) referred to an old mystic saying that everything is known by its opposite. And I got into a lukewarm water because I also said that God is also known by His opposite. But let us not use what little time is left for a theological debate in the actual meaning of some words. I just wanna say that the same saying also applies for the present. As the prose above records.

This is simply my (typically) round about way to introduce some old pictures I temporarily nicked from my dad's cabinet... It is whimsical and I put no store as to any profound spiritual significance. These are a couple of pictures and polaroids of my past. And I just wanna share them with you...

This is my late mum circa 1985 I think. She bought me a Polaroid  camera in Singapore when

we went there on holiday. I laid an ambush by our gate just as she was traipsing up our driveway.

That radio suggests that she was doing some dancin' and twirlin' beforehand. She loved dancing, especially

the traditional Malay dances with her group of old friends in the numerous associations and

charitable societies that she was a member of. My mother hated doing nothing. 

She was always doing something.

This is my cousin whom I call Abang Shem (abang means brother), also
circa 1985. His real name is Zaid, so really I don't know how Zaid became 'Shem'. He is
one of my many cousins who stayed with us at some point in their lives. He used to scare the willies out of me -
I put the blame on that bushy mustachio. Here he is seen with his first love - an old Ford Escort which he lovingly
nursed from disrepair to err... disrepair. I had to drive that car once, and let me tell you that it took real skill to keep the car on the road. He is married now with 3 kids and his eldest girl will  get married very soon. How time flies...

This is Azwan, also another cousin. But this picture is circa 1988 maybe. I recall this because I took
this picture with a Pentax SLR which I purchased when I was in 'A' Levels college. He stayed with us for some
time, but for my life I cannot remember whether he was working or studying. What I do recall is that at that point
he was dating a girl, whose name I will intentionally forget. I had little experience with girls before college, but Azwan sometimes unburden his romantic problems on his younger cousin. I remember finding a cassette tape and hearing
a familiar voice talking. The voice was going on and on about Ms. X. Hehehe - It was  in fact Azwan, and
for some strange, strange reason he decided it was a good idea to record his woeful recounting of his romance on
tape. Maybe he found sharing his love dilemmas with me somewhat unsatisfying. I couldn't have been much help.

I must have been about 15 or 16, I think. I don't know how and why, but damn if I can feel how that
red and white stripe t-shirt felt even now. It must be night time because I was also wearing my 'kain pelikat'. I like
this picture because it catches me smiling at my mother. For the 32 years she was in my life, she and my father gave
me a whole lot of reasons to smile. Even to this day.
I think mums are special and awesome. And it is an honour and a
privilege that I was able to be in her life. I think we all feel that way about our mothers, yes?

I am happy to have such pearls of the past defining my present now... God bless all cousins, fathers and mothers.

Have a bright and bountiful day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq.

A Sinner's Log for Eidul Fitri, Day 1.

Sinner's Log for Eidul Fitri, 30th August 2011.

1. Woke up at 2.30am. Couldn't fall back to sleep so wrote a posting. Then laid in bed and contemplated the ceiling fan, "That ceiling fan sounds ominously creaky. What if it suddenly drops?"
2. At 7am finally dragged myself half-asleep out of bed. Woke Mika up and said that he should follow me to the Mosque to pay the religious tithe (must be done before the Eidul Fitri supererogatory prayers which normally starts about 8am). Mika whines. I said why should I take him to the shopping mall if he doesn't want to follow me to the mosque? He leapt of the bed and quickly showered. Good.
3. Successfully paid the tithe at one of the four tables laid out at the mosque entrance. Took pictures of Mika at the mosque - "That way, Mika, if anyone asks, you can say that Papa brought you to the mosque on Eidul Fitri morning." Didn't plan to pray actually, and we were driving home when suddenly...
4. 7.30am - Mika asks whether we are going to the shopping mall now. I said, "Mika, I didn't say we were going to the shopping mall right after the mosque. Anyway, what shopping mall is open at 7.30am??" Mika complained, "Papa, you tricked me. This is unfair!" I shared with my son my views on fatherhood - "Mika, the father-son relationship is not based on fairness and democracy. It is feudal and autocratic. Live with it." That quietened him down. Hehehe.
5. 8am - Had breakfast with my dad and Mika. Dad didn't even try the spaghetti which I made last night. Disappointed.
6. 9am - My friend Longhair arrived from the mosque, resplendent in his flowing white robe and wizard's hat. He didn't even look at my spaghetti and had the nasi lemak dish instead (rice cooked in coconut milk, served with fried peanuts, anchovies, cucumber, boiled egg and a spicy red sauce). Double disappointed. 
7. 9.30am - When my late mother was alive, the neighbourhood garbage men would all come to our house in the early morning of Eidul Fitri, and they did not disappoint us. Today, 8 of them arrived and they received their 'ang pows' (packets of money). 
8. 10pm - My relatives started to appear, mostly my cousins and their children. Finally some of them took notice of the spaghetti and had some. One even packed my celebrated spaghetti to have more later at home. Very happy now.
9. 10.45am -  My eldest bro arrived and Mika is happy because his closest cousin, Aqheel has come. They spent most of the morning in front of the laptop, fighting Greek and Norse gods and demigods. 
10. 11pm - My friend King finally arrived with his family. My dad and his dad, Raja Zainal Abidin traded old stories about their days as students in University Malaya, Singapore. My dad (who was a medical student) said that his room was the best, because it overlooked the nursing college hostel. Hmm. He never told me that before. Later my other brother Saiful came back with Adam and Imran, my two other nephews.
11. 11pm-2pm - I was mildly but continuously interrogated about my marriage plans - or in the view of my elderly cousins, my lack of marriage plans. Some queries came by way of proxy from my aunties who were not able to visit my house today. "You promised us you will get married this year!" one particularly aggressive cousin accused me. I didn't, I remember simply telling them last year , "Maybe next year." The idea of a marriage plan beyond one year is incomprehensible to them. So I just told them what they wanted to hear. Hehehe. 
12. 2pm - Mika wants to follow his cousin, Aqheel and my brother's family to visit more houses. My brother asked if it is okay. I said "Please, be my guest!" My brother just laughed, so I warned him, "I am not kidding, Abang Ein (that is what I call my eldest brother, Zahurein), Mikhail doesn't ever stop talking!" Again, he just laughed at my warning. Oh well. C'est la vie.
13. 2.30pm - 4pm - My father's friend Lily, visited us with her family, which breathtakingly consists of 7 sisters, although only 4 managed to be here this year. 
14. 4.30pm - No one around but us mice. I saw my dad take a plate of my spaghetti and I went to sit next to him. He said, "Nice.. nice". I thought he may be just trying to spare my feelings, but as I was going to my room, I saw him visit the buffet table for another helping. Not disappointed anymore. Alhamdulillah!

 I hope you enjoyed my brief summary of the day, sunshine. I am about to fall asleep very, very soon. While I am unconscious and my soul takes leave of my body, I pray that wherever you are, and whatever you may be doing, may your Family, Love, Faith, Friends and Rock & Roll be your constant abiding company this Eidul Fitri.Oh no, wait, stop the press! Longhair just facebook-ed me. He is coming over again to try some of my spaghetti. Hehehe. My cup of joy runneth over...

wa min Allah at-taufiq.