THE ROSE, THE SOUL & THE WINDOW - Of death the beautiful door and love true and eternal...

The Rose, The Soul & the Window

The most beautiful rose

You may find in the cemetery,

Blooming in between the headstones

And loving engravings,

In between the worshipful epithet 

And a weeping widow, there

You may find a soul

And its window.

.............

I have changed, I think. The idea of dying, that mortal door through which all men must pass, is a constant thought that rides through my mind like a merry-go-round. I guess it comes with middle age. He he he.

20th May 2002. It should be no wonder too, when the woman who gave birth to me has only just passed the 12th anniversary of her passing. Shedding her mortal skin to wear who-knows-what now... Indeed, Hu (He, meaning God) would know, I guess. He he he. I pray for her eternal peace and happiness, I do. Though I know I am not worthy to kiss her feet.  

30th March 2012. Then, some year later, my Shaykh Raja Ashman was released from his worldly burden, to go to a place where, according to his master, Mawlana Shaykh Nazim, he would bear witness upon real power! I wonder what that meant. Real power. But I am not too worried, for He who wields that power is the Source of all Power, a.k.a. God Almighty Himself. And He loves us, He does... 

God loves us with a longing you cannot know, 

More than you will love any child you bear, 

More than you will love any maiden you marry, 

More than you will ever love even the person

That you call "Me".

...............

14th September 2013. Then last year, my elder brother, Saiful Bahri (known as Poone to his kin and friends) also returned to God and His Prophet. It was a surprising death (well, not really, in hindsight), but it was also good for him, looking in death far more beautiful to me (and many of our family and friends) than he was ever alive. It was as if upon death, God the Most Merciful, pulled the veil that hid my brother's true soul, that we might speculate a little upon his love, friendship and generosity. What a trick to pull at the end of his life! I will never forgive him for that. He he he.

7th May 2014. Finally, and most recently, our beloved Mawlana Shaykh Nazim of Lefke, Cyprus departed from this reality for the infinitely greater reality. Not to say that his attachment for this world was ever like us ordinary sinners. Drawn to Nabi Muhammad (saws), beloved to the saints and Companions of the Prophet, like a moth to a candle, he was ever whirling and living with love and mercy, carrying a heavy weight of servanthood. As my good buddy, Munim says... " I will not last a single day of Mawlana's life!". So now Mawlana himself is bearing witness to the real power! 

Well, we may only speculate what these phrases mean when spoken by our betters. But we can hope to be reunited with all of them in the pacific solace of God's Divine Presence. After all, why bother praying if you do not ask God for the best that He can give you?

He he he.

And for myself? My death? Will anyone blog about me?

And when I am dead and buried? 

Who will care for my passing? 

And who will bother to write about me? 

But I am not worried. 

I intend to write my own epithet in your heart, sunshine. 

Just remember me, and I will be there,

Busily scribbling!

................

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 24th May 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY, POONE! ...The World of the Heart, Sibling Love and the Eternal Debt

When alive, Poone used to confide in his nephews that he shan't live to reach 50.
But to me, he has.

Happy Birthday, Poone! Today is my late brother Abang Chik's (Saiful Bahri, or Poone to his friends) birthday. I was reminded of this yesterday evening when my only living brother, Abang Ein (Mohamed Zahurein) mentioned it to me. Poone is 50 years old today. 

I guess the normal wording would be is Poone would be 50 years old today, if only he is still alive. For you see, my brother passed away one rainy evening on 14th September 2013. But I cannot bring myself to write the normal way about Poone. Because to me, he is still living. If not alive in this physical world, he is very much alive in my heart. And in God's beautiful way, the world of the heart trumps the physical world all the time. No contest, really.

Don't you agree, sunshine?

Formed, Formless in the Dictionary of Love

He was formless,

Then he was born and given form,

Then God wanted him back and

He became formless again...

But lo, I can feel him in my heart

And upon my lips and in my eyes,

Formed or formless he is my brother,

And there is no past tense

In the Dictionary of Love

.......................

Poone & Ein. My two brothers never really got on when Poone was alive. They had some similar tastes in music, but I think I would do neither of them any disservice if I said that both brothers had different passion and essence lighting their own separate destinies. Yesterday, Adam our nephew said, "You know... I wish my dad and Pak Poone was closer before..." I thought for awhile before replying, "But Adam, you and your dad washed his naked body before we prayed jenazah (funeral prayers) for Pak Poone. How much more intimate do you want your father to be with Pak Poone?" I think my nephew saw the logic of my reply. 

My brother, Abang Ein stepped up when Poone died and performed his brotherly duties. Which made me very happy. Because I am learning now that we often get frustrated, angry, annoyed and irritated by our close kin because they are our close kin. Had we not loved them so, we would not have cared and been so disturbed! He he he.

Don't you agree, sunshine?

A Sibling Love

May God bless our brothers and sisters,

No matter how we may feel about them,

For it is through love that we feel the sorrow today,

And it is through love that we will find happiness tomorrow!

...............................

I cannot tell you how much debt I owe to my brother Poone. He influenced and taught me so many things.

A Debt to a Brother

When I was stupid,

He brought me  good books,

When I was deaf,

He taught me beautiful music,

When I was impatient and angry

He showed me patience and mercy,

And when I was lost and needed guidance,

He took me to a Murshid,

To whom I swore the Bay'ah.

I shall be indebted to him

In so many ways

Till the day that I die,

On which day I hope to see him,

To say "I am sorry, I love you..."

And to rest my weary head on his shoulders and cry.

..............................

Sigh. Story of my life. And perhaps it is a story of your life too? Dearly departed(s) leaving us with a debt that we will never be able to repay. 

It is a good thing, it is a beautiful thing, but it also brings tears to your eyes sometimes. 

Don't you agree, sunshine?

Saiful Bahri bin Abdul Khalid aka Poone
al fatiha

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

BEING NOT WORTHY, AND BEING HAPPY WITH THAT...

My arwah brother Saiful (Poone) with saintly friends in Jordan

Not Worthy

You may think I am too praiseworthy of you,

But I saw the goodness in you that you try so hard to hide,

You may think I am too forgiving of you,

But I saw the humanity in you

And saw instead the errors in me,

You may think I am too helpful to you,

But I saw in you a light, and the light said, "Aid me to light him."

You may think all these of me,

But truth be told, 

I will never be worthy of you,

And it is this tale 

That will keep me company

As I grow old.

.......................... 

Cousins, Mika and Imran

I reckon there is always someone in our life who would fit the acclaim of "he / she of whom we are not worthy of". It could be your mother, your father, your sister, your school friend, your wife, your teacher, your minister or even your butcher. It is a humbling thought for me. And by God, do I have a lot to be humble about.

He he he.

All praises to God, alhamdulillah. But there is no harm, indeed I think it is a necessary avenue that we come to the all-praise worthy One, a.k.a God, through our estimation of people, simple everyday folks or giants of history, that are praiseworthy themselves. And of course that brings us knocking on the door of Muhammad Sayyidina Miftahur Rahmati (The Key of Mercy), His noble family, companions and saints that is to this day still peddling their wares, knocking in turn upon our hearts, and asking... "Let the Light in, turn on the Light..."

Beneath the quilt of my life, I am warmed by the people who have come into my life and left me, and those who are still here. I am a little tired, but I am not sleeping forever yet. Who knows when... but for now I am happy to share this Earth with you, sunshine. 

And I know I am blessed, for I will never be worthy of you. So the only way left for me is up, up, up! It is these thoughts that makes me feel so good of God, ya Ahad, ya Samad...

He he he.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Final Punch Line - Saiful Bahri (1964 - 2013) Part 3

121. The Door (By Poone)

Oh, My servant!

Long have you been knocking on My door.

Here, take the door and go!

...................................

Pooneseque Prose. There are a number of prose recorded over this past decade, which I attribute to my late brother, Saiful (better known to his friend as Poone). Some arose from our quick banter, so much so that I am not sure as to who said what (this comes with age... trust me), but others I clearly recall as being spoken originally by Poone. And The Door is one of those which I remember distinctly as a Poonesque prose (you see, that is why the prose is recorded as 'by Poone' and not 'with Poone').

But I guess, the ultimate punch line for his joke is that three weeks ago, on the night of 14th of September 2013 when Poone passed away, God finally replied...

"Oh My servant! 

Long have you been knocking on My door, 

You need wait no longer...

Now enter!"

I Choose Happy. Just something short today, sunshine. Just so you know that I am alive and still here. And I am happy that I wrote this, because I now realise how good it is for us all if we would only accept God's final punch line for this strange, confusing but often hilarious journey that we call our life. 

"As if we actually have a choice!" you may say to me. But we do. We can choose to be in denial and be sad. Or we can accept and be happy. I choose happy. 

Poone, May 2012. Smiling in the Jordanian desert somewhere.

Have a lovely day, and may Allah (swt) shower grace and blessings upon all our dearly departed, that they may be in the congregation of the blessed and the graced. Madad ya Muhammad Rasulullah (saws), al fatiha. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way