LAYLA'S LAMENT - God, Man, Love and the Language of Music

Layla's Lament

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you love me, 

And Majnun, 

Say not that you care, 

For it is you 

Who has always denied me, 

So couch no lies in your words so fair,

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you seek me, 

And in your search 

Oh how you despair, 

For I am always

There beside you, 

It is you who act 

Like I am not there,

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you believe, 

And in your heart 

You do not deceive, 

For I am often 

The One lied to, 

Oh, how shall it be 

If I am as untrue? 

Oh Majnun, 

How hollow is your smile, 

For in your life 

You mix truth with your lies, 

And the crown that you wear 

Was never meant for you, 

And the path you choose 

Will take you no where. 

.......................

A Love Story. Everyone (I assume) have heard or read the story of Layla and Majnun. About the poor love-struck Majnun who was utterly, helplessly besotted with Layla, a woman with the unfortunate condition of being someone else's wife. Uh oh. Trouble.

Adam, my nephew, recording Layla's Lament first rough (very rough) cut.
We have passed it on to our singer and composer friend, Azri to flesh out
the song and add a little sparkle. 

God and Man. The story of Layla and Majnun was also read and interpreted as a parable of the love between Man and God. And it is in this context that Layla's Lament was written, way back in 21st November 2005. The date was in fact its original title, and just to add another level of myopia, the poem also had a second name, being 'Qubruz Bluez 2'. So Layla's Lament is its third and final (let's hope so!) incarnation.

I am forced to this rare change because the poem is being adapted for music, and let's face it... '21st November 2005 (Qubruz Bluez 2)' is a little long and vague for a song title. I am no musician, but with a little help from some very gifted friends, we hope to have an acceptable song within the next couple of months. 

My Infidelity. And I guess this is where I must confess... that I have been spending a lot of my free time working on the lyric and music for Layla's Lament. I am having an adulterous affair with music, leaving this almanac untouched for days on end. And it is not just Layla... but many, many other songs and prose, including instrumentals that have torn my attention away from my writing. I have been a bad, bad boy.

But to be honest... At 43, I am thankful to God Almighty and the Prophet (saws) for giving me another chance. Reawakening an ancient passion to fill my days. For I am enjoying becoming a student once again... learning the language of music, making my first untutored, awkward steps to God-knows-what-end. And finding the infinite space in the syllable of each word that is uttered or sang with love. 

184. Cathedral of Beauty

If Layla had not sent Majnun to guide us,

How long would we stray still in the temples of lesser devotions,

Never to set foot in the Cathedral of Beauty?

..............................

I have the story already, you see. Thousands upon thousands. But now I want someone to sing it!

Wish me luck, sunshine, in this new adventure, and for those still yet unknown who will be my travelling companions in this journey.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

KEEP CALM. ACT DUMB. - legacy of PRU 13

Malaysia just had one of the most transparent and divisive general election since its independence. And the embers of discontentment with the election results are still glowing reddish. The incumbent government that prevailed in the general election claims one thing, and the opposition continues to claim another. The truth, as it often is, lies somewhere between the great divide. 

In times like this I like to act dumb. And funnily enough I find acting dumb a very easy thing to do. I am almost naturally gifted to be dumb. 

But never you mind, sunshine. Don't listen to those naughty politicians with their slippery tongue and those NGOs with their earnestness. And when people ask you if you are a fence-sitter, tell them no. Tell them that you are following the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) and that you want to pull down the fences that divide all of us - The fence erected by our egos and propped by our nafs. Ergo, we shall begin with dismantling the first fence, our own egos. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

TRUE LOVE UNVEILED - the Courtship, the Yearning and the Light of Muhammad

Courtship

Writing is my courtship,

And though I seldom tire of it

I cannot deny my restless heart's

Anticipation of this courtship's 

Promised consummation,

Thus while I hold at bay my own ego that besieges me,

Crossing my path like a hydra-headed dragon,

I wait here still, at the Door of Love,

Captivated by the Light shining like a beacon.

.....................................

Writing is not just writing. Writing comes from contemplation and reflection. And if one is predisposed to contemplate and reflect upon the True Love that is given but rarely understood by Man, a yearning grows. A yearning to see this True Love unveiled. To end this courtship in the consummation of the Divine Presence of Allah (s.w.t.).

Verily, Man would despair in melancholic longing, lost and maddened by the siren calls of the True Love. And it is only the generosity of Allah s(.w.t.) that He has let shine a Light from His Divine Presence into our murky world of the ego. A Light that baths the Man with assurance, hope and a promise of mercy without parallel - The Light of Muhammad (s.a.w.s.), before which all darkness is dispelled.

Have a wonderful day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way 

Missing you, remembering you - under a sky rent asunder by the light of love

Missing you, Remember you

When I cry,

It is not me alone crying,

But the Earth, the Sky and the Moon,

Missing you.

When I remember you,

It is not me alone remembering,

But the Earth, the Sky and the Moon,

Remembering you.

When I collect beautiful memories,

It is in reality Truth that I collect,

And the most beautiful memory

That I possess is you.

Love, what be the reasons

For our separation?

Save that I might yearn for you.

And from a distance 

That I might remember you.

Knowing that

You would never forsake me.

No matter how far my sins or piety may take me. 

......................................

It is May Day today, a public holiday celebrating the contribution of workers the world over. I reckon that most workers are taking the opportunity to sleep in this morning. But for me my real passion continues - remembering and writing - Taking ink from the velvet blue sky, rent asunder by the light of love that touches the nib of my pen.

Have a lovely holiday, sunshine. And remember me in your prayers please, for the sake of Him that we adore above all else.  

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way 

The Whirling Dervishes and Majnun - Breathe the Huu Part 1

Breathing the Huu... 

I am in the worksite of a great mosque, but I am no Sinan,

I am in a dream state, but I am no Abu Yazid,

I am in the library, but I am no Ibn Arabi,

I am sought by Majnun, but I am no Layla,

I am in the wilderness, but I am no Majnun,

I am a lettered man, but I am no Rumi,

I am just me.

Hiding behind the pillar,

Exiled far from home,

Trying not to confuse

God’s perfection for my own

……………………………………….

Many stories and secret horizons were revealed last night in the Naqshbandi Zawiya, Bukit Damansara, with the arrival of the whirling master-servant, Shaykh Ahmad Dede Pattisahusiwa. God bless you all. If I am permitted to live another day, undoubtedly I will share with you more pictures and stories. But alas, last night me and Mikhail stayed up late and came home late. And today I woke up late and must now hurry to work.

What a whirl life is, sometimes. Hehehe.

Have a lovely day, sunshine. Breathe the Huu.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Just Like Old Times - of friendship, chance meeting and the shedding of bitterness

My Old Friend

I met him, 

I saw him last night,

And we exchange pleasantries,

I saw him last night,

And I thought him beautiful

As the first time we met,

All my bitterness,

All my sadness,

All my sorrow fell away

Like leaves on a beautiful autumn day,

We spoke for a while only,

But it was enough for me,

He was my friend, you see.

And the funny thing was last night... 

My heart unconditionally confirmed, 

"You fool, Taufiq. He still is!"

........................................

I was outside the banquet hall at a wedding. It was there that I chance into my old friend, just minding his cigarette under a bleak evening rain. He was also invited to the wedding because he is a cousin to the bride.

I anticipated this meeting, but not the outcome. For you see, he had some harsh words that he once wrote me, and I was hurt. And for the longest time, I kept my sadness and, I must admit it here, my bitterness. Like a troll sulking in the cave, I nursed my pain and bitterness like a burning itch. But after a while, even this troll grew tired of being separated from his friend. Yet even then, I did not look for my friend, and indeed, in a couple of occasions when I saw him in a social function, I slipped away. Still a troll, I guess.

So it was a relief for me, that when I bumped into him last night, with no chance of evading an encounter, my heart delighted in seeing his smiling face, shedding in an instance, two years of hurt, regret and sorrow. I was happy because I did not even have to think about it, I was simply glad to finally talk to him. And being reminded once again in his kind words and thoughtful remarks, why he is my friend.

It was just like old times. I count this as a win for the Prophet, and glory unto God, Friend of the Friends, and Best Fixer-Upper of Petty Squabbles. 

Amongst Friends... and Shaykh Raja. Sometime in 2006, I reckon.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way 

Our Memories is Greater than the Sum of all its Parts - life, death, mothers, masters and God

Bukit Kiara Cemetery, Kuala Lumpur.

Our Memories

Though you may not see Him,

Verily, He sees you,

Though you may not hear Him,

Verily, He hears you,

Though you may not remember Him,

Verily, He remembers you in good company,

Not a single moment has He left you in doubt,

Not a single page of your life that He has not read aloud,

Every glance, every tear that you shed,

Every laughter, every smile and playful pout,

All your joy and bitter regrets,

All your good and all your bad,

All your within and all your without,

Like a riverfall descending down the mountain side,

Like the little fishermen boats that run through the harbour,

You course through His thoughts as you make your way to Him,

To His sea and to His mercy,

And along the way,

You met me

And you helped make 

Our Memories.

…………………………..

Dearest mother,

How I miss your smile and laughter. Your impregnable optimism and your fire. How I miss your cooking, all that fish and vegetables. How I miss you bringing fruits and produce from other countries. How I miss you greeting the many friends and family who would come to our house, bringing light of laugh and love into our lives.

Dearest master,

How I miss your presence, silent and all-encompassing. How I miss the way you say my name. And how you made me feel. You were small in stature, but somehow you seemed to me seven feet tall. I still have your number in my cellphone. If I call it, who will now answer?

Dearest dearest,

You were ever present in these, the memories of my mother and my master. My beloved, benovelent, most kind and merciful Creator. I knew you were there. I had no doubt. For you have given me a life rich with love and laughter, tribulation and ease, success and failure. However my life has turned, I knew I had your undivided attention…

Alhamdulillah,

Arbayah binti Haji Hashim, somewhere in South England.

Subhanim Allah, Sultanim Allah, Nabim Muhammad alayhi salam.

Wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

My happiness is by their side

I await the Day

Why...? Love asks

Some gathering of roses in the shape of a heart... by Cristina Colombo

Why...? Love asks.

Why are you standing?

I was anticipating  your arrival, love.

Why are you praying?

I knew you would be listening, love.

Why are you forgetful?

I knew you would still remember, love.

Why are you flying?

I am not flying, love.

It is this world that is falling away beneath my feet.

Why is the world falling away?

For this world cannot bear the reality

Of your love for me and my love for you, love.

…………………………..

And why was I unwell? I caught a sickness from my son, Mikhail. But he is better already and I am back, alhamdulillah. Thank you for waiting, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Gardener in the Garden of Stones - Eidul Fitri and my mother

The Gardener

Goodbye sweet smile,

How you broke the gloom of night

In your breaking dawn each time

You turned and smiled at me,

Goodbye gentle heart,

How you lifted me up every time I fell,

How you gathered me in your arms

And assured me that you will always be there,

Goodbye kindly soul,

How you made this house a home

And how you fed everyone who came

With food and kindness,

Goodbye beautiful spirit,

How struck I was with your passing

Never to know when we shall meet again,

Under an overcast sky, I took myself away

And in solitude, I began to cry,

Goodbye loving gardener,

Where are you now tending to the flowers and trees?

In whose garden are you pottering and weeding?

For I hope they appreciate your love and work

Among your geraniums and orchids

Far more than your son ever did.

………………………………..

Each Eidul Fitri that marks the end of Ramadhan finds me just that bit more quiet, just that bit more introspective, as sweetness and sadness mix in the vessel of emotion that we call the human spirit.

This Eidul Fitri is the 10th since my mother left the bosom of her family and friends. She was a lot of things to a lot of people. She was a dutiful and caring wife, a generous and loving mother, a smiling matriarch of the extended family, a concerned sister to all her siblings and an unforgettable personality to her many, many close friends. But to the big garden that once adorned our home for 20 years at No.2 Lorong Basong, she was The Gardener. Every morning I would see her pottering around the garden, watering and trimming the plants, fertilizing the soil and cutting away at the weeds that is her eternal enemy. Later she would scold me for kicking my football into the shrubs and knocking down some of her beloved flowers and ferns.

What I would give to have her come in right now and scold me.

Have a wonderful Eidul Fitri, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

An Extraordinary Soul Garbed in Humility and Courtly Courtesy - The Prince Part 21

No pretense here... 

24. Pretensions

May Allah save me from faith’s pretensions

And away from pretensions of no pretensions

Until I become but a passing moment

Indistinct from the rest of the ocean.

................

Hullo, sunshine. It is difficult to have no pretension, not when we are living in a world of pretense - a transient reflection, a momentary glimpse of God's power upon His own mirror. An artifice built upon the orbit of the smallest sub-atomic particle and the turning of the most gigantic star in the heavens, yet still nothing but the smallest manifestation of His grace. Thus He calls unto us - come to Me and let rest your worry. In this world of make-believe, verily you were made to look for Me, to find Me, and to seek your very best succour from none other but Me. With Me, there is no uncertainty, no worry. No pretense.

35. Brightest Star

Even the brightest star must diminish

When the morning sun appears

As do all sad songs finish

When eyes run out of tears.

................

None who met him, none who knew him shall ever forget him. For forgetfulness is the plaything of the human ego, subservient to nothing else. But those who have met him, find their eyes bowed and shy, instinctively knowing to be in the presence of an extraordinary soul garbed in humility and courtly courtesy.

The 100th day and more... has it passed so fast?

al fatiha

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

More Than 10,000 Reasons to be Happy - at the dervish ends of the world

THE 10,000 PROSE

If You gave me 10,000 life times and I live each moment in praise and worship of You, it shall not be enough to compensate You for all the Mercy You have shown me,

If You gave me 10,000 hands and I spent all my time writing prose and praise of You, it shall not come close to ascribing You the praise You are worthy of,

If You gave me 10,000 Angels and I spent all my time in communion with the Angelic host, it shall barely raise a murmur in the constant praise that all Creation sings of You,

If You gave me 10,000 cliffs to fall off, it shall not be enough to count the number of times You have made me fall in love with You,

If You gave me 10,000 songs to play in the hall of my heart, it shall not be enough to cover the vast horizons of my heart made expansive by Your love for me,

If You gave me 10,000 feet to run to you, it shall not overtake the light of Your love speeding towards me in each moment of my existence,

If You gave me 10,000 eyes to see, it shall not be enough to catch Your beauty and grace in this world that You have filled for me,

If You gave me 10,000 miles of golden thread, it shall not be enough for me to sew Your Names and Divine Attributes in the banner of my soul,

If You gave me 10,000 yearnings for You, it shall not surpass Your single yearning for me,

If You gave me 10,000 ways for me to say I love You, it shall not exhaust the ink of love that You have spilled into the well of my being,

If You gave me 10,000 exits from Your Presence, I shall still continue to blunder back to You, seeking Your Mercy and Assurance,

If You gave me 10,000 weaknesses in me, it shall not be enough to overcome Your Love for me vouched safe in the Name of Muhammad, Your Most Beloved!

If You gave me 10,000 books, it shall count as nothing compared to Who You truly are, the knowledge of which is beyond my mind, had You even given me 10,000 minds and 10,000 years to reason and postulate!

If You gave me 10,000 friends, they shall mean nothing to me if You are not my Friend,

If You gave me 10,000 lovers, they shall appear to me as ghosts if I do not have Your love first and foremost,

If You fulfilled 10,000 of my ambitions, I would still count myself a failure and lost if You will not fulfill Your own ambition for me,

If You gave me 10,000 more pages than what is already written here, they shall account for naught but a drop in a drop in a drop of Your unimaginable Sea of Love and Mercy for all Your creatures.

In the Name of Your Most Beloved, Muhammad Habibullah, write for me what needs to be written and in Your presence leave me never. Throw me into the spellbound river of your Love and shoot me off like a comet to the furthest reaches of my heart, that I might paint the golden walls with Your Names in loving, earnest splendor.

………………………

In a world where people have forgotten good manners, you haven't. And why worry about the countless flaming tweets, sms-es and postings, when the Lord Himself has sparked the white flame of love in that luminous heavenly lamp that you call your heart.

How lucky you are, sunshine... You are a dervish thirsting for God. So please remember this sinner when your dervish heart takes you down the dervish path to the dervish ends of the world...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Look For Me... I heard God whisper - the hidden and apparent nature of God

Sailing a sea of me to find Him

The Hidden God

If God is hiding,

It only means He wants to be found.

If you have found Him,

It only means He wants not to be found.

...............

If God is hiding, it only means He wants to be found... Because He does. After all, He created all of Creation, you, me, Johnnie and the cat named Moses, simply because He desired to be known. As the old sufi saying goes - God was a Hidden Jewel, and He wanted to be known. So do not despair if for some time or moment, you do not feel Him near. Because the truth is, He is always near us... Thus speaks God in the Holy Quran.

We verily created man and We know what his soul whispereth to him, 

and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein. (translation by Marmaduke Pickthall)

And if for some quirky reason, you cannot sense Him within you, look for God in the heart of others - in the hearts of your kin, your family, your friend and even your enemy. For sometimes, the Lord hides in the most unlikely of places. He is, after all the absolutely Unique One, and I think He likes to surprise us this way... and He absolutely adores bringing people together in Mercy and Love. Making brothers forgive one another, making a sister forgive a sister for past slights. And making Jews forgive Christians, making Muslims forgive Jews, making Christians forgive Muslims, making Sikhs forgive Hindus, making Buddhists forgive Muslims... you get the drift of what God is saying, yes?

Look for Me - I heard God whisper.

If you have found Him, it only means He wants not to be found... Because God is that way. He says He is - He is the First, but He is also the Last. He is the Hidden One, but He is also the Apparent. Thus I think the only thing of God that we can assure ourselves in certainty is that He will certainly not break His promises, and that He certainly loves us and will forgive us for our mistakes and error. In between these points of lights, and how our lives will actually pan out, how each of our moment and breath is created differently, I think God is essentially saying - Leave it to Me. Trust Me.

So the moment you think you have found Him, I think He will be musing, "Hmm... Taufiq thinks he KNOWS Me. Hehehe, we will soon see about that!" But this Divine 'change' of our understanding of God and forced 'separation' is not done to us out of malice. Even here God does it purely out of love, and this is why... Because only God understands us completely. So He very well knows just how far the horizon of our soul can travel to perceive Him. While we are limited by our current human condition, God truly comprehends the Ocean of Love that is us. And in this life, He wants us to sail ever closer towards to Him, to Love and to Mercy, in a Sea that is all us...

I kid you not, sunshine... How blessed are you in so many ways.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Adab of Happiness and the Journey of Self Discovery - If life isn't challenging, it would not be interesting

A pure and refreshing stream... running through the plains of Love

In Praise of Muhammad, Most Beloved of the All-Loving

I am a jewel set on the crown of Love,

Were I not beautiful, Lo, who would look to Love?

I am the stream that runs through the plains of the Love,

If I was not pure and refreshing, Lo, who would thirst for Love?!

I am the lamp, a light within the light of Love,

And if I was not shining with happiness,

Lo, who would be attracted to Love?

I am the eye of the storm of Love

And if I was not whirling in happiness,

Lo ,who would be drawn to Love? 

……………………..

HAPPINESS. A man ancient with experience recently said to me, “Be attentive to your Adab (the courtly courtesies and manners of love), which asks only one thing of you – to be happy always. For who will seek the Creator that you and all of humanity worship, and who will ask of the Prophet that you praise if you are not yourself happy? People shall ask themselves - why ought I follow his way when his way does nothing better than mine?"

He then concluded, “Hide your scowls and your angry stares. Lock up your bitter words and your cynical shrugs. Tie blindfolds on your accusing eyes. Keep away from anything that makes you unhappy. Even if that which makes you unhappy is your own self. For in truth, that is not you at all, but your ego and your base desires impersonating you.”

SELF DISCOVERY. Okay, I get it. But his advice begs another question – Then where shall I look for my true self?

92. Whatever, Whomever You are Looking For

I am your Home and your Homecoming,

I am your Beginning and your Ending.

If love is what you are looking for, love is with Me,

If light is what you are looking for, light is with Me,

If truth is what you are looking for, truth is with Me,

If safety is what you are looking for, safety is with Me,

If friends are what you are looking for, they are with Me,

If Muhammad is who you are looking for, he is with Me,

Whatever, whomever you are looking for, they are all with Me.

And if you are looking for yourself?

You too are with Me.

So why look else where?

...........................

Is the Adab of Happiness an easy habit to pick up? Is the journey of self-discovery a walk in the park? Hehehe. Let us consider it this way. If life isn't challenging, it would not be interesting. And God, in His unique creation and continuous recreation of our reality will not let us get bored - a simple faith in our Creator's eternal inventiveness.

Me: God, why are You testing me this way!?
God: I am only expressing My eternal inventiveness, like you said. Remember?

Thank you for sharing a small part of your day with me, sunshine. I always welcome your company.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Between the Two Mirrors of an Adam and an Eve - confession of a sweet-talker

Bukit Kiara Cemetery

50. His Big Bang

One day, he was with his love,

And shared with her this prose,

"Sometimes, I feel unstoppable,

And the world is but a game to me,

A toy to amuse and distract me.

At times, I feel helpless utterly,

Drowning in an ocean of yearning.

In this curious happenstance,

The Syariat becomes my support,

A rest from my unending pleading,

“O’ Lord, if not now, then when?!”

Then she asked him what

Made him feel and write so,

And this was his reply.

“The way of the Tarikat

Is being in servitude to Love,

And the flaming core would

Burn us all to an end without end...

... Take for instance the Big Bang,

Had the Lord not intervened,

Whatever would stop the blazing energy

From abating, expanding further and further

With no end in sight, nor any purpose or will?

It was for He to halt and guide the energy

From the Big Bang, to allow the atoms and smallest

Molecules to stay awhile, to form the suns, moons and planets,

To rest the celestial bodies into its proper orbits,

The moons circling the planets, and the planets orbiting the suns,

So you see, I need to pray, I need to remember,

Because if I do not, my Big Bang would have

Me speeding to the furthest ends of my soul,

Impelled by the fire forged in the furnace of my heart…

So…”, the man concluded with a wicked grin,

“…how do you like

Being described as a Big Bang?”

And she answered not.

........................

Beware of falling in love with a lover. For such person is a habitual sweet-talker. And if you ask him why he talks so, he will say, "I cannot be blamed if the Truth (God) is sweet."

Be careful that you do not take credit that he is speaking of you. For often enough he will be praising the Loveliness that God has planted in every Eve. The coaxing eyes, the desiring smile, the gentle voice and the commanding 'I'. 

Hehehe. Come to think of it, Adams should be cautious too in their dealings with Eves. Good, it is settled then, let us all be cautious and circumspect with one another, for we know not when it is not merely two love-birds chatting but an occasion where a divine reflection is speaking to another divine reflection - Like two mirrors facing one other...

God was a Hidden Jewel and He wanted to be Known

Thank you for dropping in today, sunshine.

Pax Taufiqa

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way