HIJRA AND A NEW BEGINNING

Salams, sunshine. the sinner has migrated (digitally) to a new website. Visit me at Notrumi. It has been awhile, I know.  I have in fact been planning this hijra (pilgrimage) for some time now since last year. And now it begins. No more hesitation, no more procrastination.

May this be a good beginning for us all, insyaAllah.

(Dear God... I am gonna miss writing here.)

wa min Allah at-taufiq

DON'T BLINK! ...passengers waiting at the terminal of life

Don't Blink!

Don't mind me,

I am just passing through,

Don't mind me,

I am just passing by,

Don't save a seat for me,

Don't sign that freehold,

I am not stopping here forever,

Nothing will stop us from 

Growing old,

For I am just passing through,

A traveler in my life's winter,

All dressed to face the cold,

Waiting to drink the bitter,

A traveler passing by,

Suddenly out of the door,

If you but blink an eye

Here, in my life's winter... 

So don't think. my child,

Love and do not blink.

..................... 

It is futile to seek permanence in this reality. For this world is in truth a departure terminal. Undoubtedly, it is a beautiful place to be, with all sorts of distractions on offer, but we cannot deny that upon the instance of our birth, we already have our boarding pass for that return flight to our Creator.

I guess the apparent regularity of death in my life, among my friends, family members and my masters,, has turned my mind towards the inevitable question  - I hope my destination at the end of that not-to-be-delayed flight will be the same.

For I love them so, and I miss them so. And with them is where I want to be. I figure that you too have witnessed the passing of your loved ones, sunshine. And perhaps like me, you also now tend to look at the wares and products on offer in the terminal of this life with less attention and passion. Not because we love life less, no, it is not that at all...

It is only because life has an end, do we realise how precious it is. 

Thus by the infinite, do we comprehend the value of the finite...

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way  

THE HADRA, THE BEAUTIFUL INHERITANCE - love is forever attracted to Love

92. Whatever, Whomever You are Looking For

I am your Home and your Homecoming,

I am your Beginning and your Ending.

If love is what you are looking for, love is with Me,

If light is what you are looking for, light is with Me,

If truth is what you are looking for, truth is with Me,

If safety is what you are looking for, safety is with Me,

If friends are what you are looking for, they are with Me,

If Muhammad is who you are looking for, he is with Me,

Whatever, whomever you are looking for, they are all with Me.

And if you are looking for your self?

You too are with Me.

So why look else where?

...................

The Hadra. Some sit, some stand, some whirl, some jump, some walk, trot then run in a circle. A little bird perched near my ear tells me that the Hadra, a supererogatory ritual of remembrance, veneration and praise of God Almighty and His Beloved Muhammad (saws), often performed by the Sufi Orders are returning to the shores of the Malayan Peninsular and elsewhere in the South East Asian archipelago. The Hadra is performed on many religious occasions as well as important events like birthdays, weddings and even tahlils (supererogatory prayers for the deceased).

This is good news for the seekers looking for the understanding of the self, which leads directly to a knowledge of Allah (swt). And to undertake this worshipful search with hope, joy and happiness. 

It is something new for some people, but for some elderly friends, they look on a recent Hadra performed at a wedding reception and exclaim with surprise... "Why, we used to do this when I was young!"

As I said, this is indeed a wonderful missive for those looking towards Allah (swt) with hope and joy. After decades of Wahhabi-centric propaganda, it appears that people are returning to their beautiful inheritance, their original roots which stretches through centuries of the great Companions and Saints of the Prophet Muhammad Habibullah (saws)...

Surely, o' deniers, you do not think you shall always have your way here?

And this is naturally so because I believe that most people are lovely. And love is forever attracted to Love, beyond the forms and formalities of blind ritualism of religion.

Have a wonderful day, sunshine. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

GIVE YOUR SALAM (GREETINGS OF PEACE) EVEN TO YOUR ENEMY...

Dear You,

You have hurt me,

In your words and deeds,

So my mind turns to you,

To dig deep into you and

Find out why you say what you said

And do what you did...

Some dark past, a bitter history

To make you thus unkind to me?

And what did I uncover instead?

I peered into your diary

And saw you had your good days,

And you had your bad days,

And on some days, you wondered why God 

Even bothered waking you in the morning,

I saw your petty crimes and pretty lies,

And in between I saw your kindness 

And forgiveness residing still in your eyes,

So neither precious stones, silver nor gold

Did I find in the depth of your earth,

Rather, I found you had a soul...

Still recognizably human

Though tired and old,

And it is thus how I found you...

Not altogether good,

Not altogether a bad, 

And in finding a little of your soul,

I recognised in you, a little of me,

Just another wanderer

 Walking in from the cold...

............................

The Veil of Separation Between Us. We have personal identities, separate and distinct from one another. There is the 'me' and the 'you', not to mention the 'us' and the 'them'. But this distinction is only true at the very most shallow end of our ocean of understanding. The truth is that human beings are much more porous and absorbent than we care to admit. We are like a sponge, absorbing our surroundings and the people we interact with.

Understanding Through Prosperity and Adversity. So we are asking Allah (swt) and His Prophet (saws) to bring us to favourable circumstances and in the company of favoured souls. But we are also asking God the Illuminating One to teach us humility and understanding if life in testing company and circumstances is to be our fate. For in both conditions of 'prosperity' and 'adversity' there is much to learn of our soul, and the mettle of our courage and patience.

Peace. So give salam (greetings of peace) even to your enemy(assuming you have one), for he holds within him an understanding of your own self. And truth be told, how you act with someone you disagree with can reveal more of you than the manner you act with someone you adore...

Do you not agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

BEING NOT WORTHY, AND BEING HAPPY WITH THAT...

My arwah brother Saiful (Poone) with saintly friends in Jordan

Not Worthy

You may think I am too praiseworthy of you,

But I saw the goodness in you that you try so hard to hide,

You may think I am too forgiving of you,

But I saw the humanity in you

And saw instead the errors in me,

You may think I am too helpful to you,

But I saw in you a light, and the light said, "Aid me to light him."

You may think all these of me,

But truth be told, 

I will never be worthy of you,

And it is this tale 

That will keep me company

As I grow old.

.......................... 

Cousins, Mika and Imran

I reckon there is always someone in our life who would fit the acclaim of "he / she of whom we are not worthy of". It could be your mother, your father, your sister, your school friend, your wife, your teacher, your minister or even your butcher. It is a humbling thought for me. And by God, do I have a lot to be humble about.

He he he.

All praises to God, alhamdulillah. But there is no harm, indeed I think it is a necessary avenue that we come to the all-praise worthy One, a.k.a God, through our estimation of people, simple everyday folks or giants of history, that are praiseworthy themselves. And of course that brings us knocking on the door of Muhammad Sayyidina Miftahur Rahmati (The Key of Mercy), His noble family, companions and saints that is to this day still peddling their wares, knocking in turn upon our hearts, and asking... "Let the Light in, turn on the Light..."

Beneath the quilt of my life, I am warmed by the people who have come into my life and left me, and those who are still here. I am a little tired, but I am not sleeping forever yet. Who knows when... but for now I am happy to share this Earth with you, sunshine. 

And I know I am blessed, for I will never be worthy of you. So the only way left for me is up, up, up! It is these thoughts that makes me feel so good of God, ya Ahad, ya Samad...

He he he.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

DO NOT JUDGE, BUT LOOK! - your temporary home in the motel of the human spirit.

Look!

Judge ye not my home

By the measure of my little room,

Nor the smallness of my hearth

And kitchen where I cook,

For my true abode is my heart,

And therein beats the name

Of Ahad and Ahmad,

Do not judge, but look! Look!

Judge ye not my grave

By the measure of its length and width,

For my final abode is built 

With the love from my Lord,

And it is finer than any house

Mortal hands may wrought,

Do not judge, but look! Look! 

...................

Build your home, but do not be tied to it. Build your home, but do not make it a prison. For your house, your apartment, your flat, your bed-sit is nothing but a temporary place for you. At best it is the highway motel of the human spirit. So look for companions that will aid you in your journey and speed you towards the Divine Presence. And travel as light as you can.

Have a lovely Sunday, sunshine. I have always said that writing a poem is like composing a song. It is not about arranging as much words and smart sentences as we can, but what to leave out. So short and simple is always nice. God bless you always...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

ONE MONTH ON... Saiful Bahri aka Poone (1964-2013)

A Stranger, A Wanderer

The more this world becomes familiar,

The more I feel like a stranger,

So let me leave this world

As I came into it...

A wanderer.

......................

Today marks the first month of my brother's passing. He died in my arms on that rainy evening on 14th September 2013.

I could tell you how much I miss him. How so many things remind me of him. How I miss our conversations and arguments, even our awkward silence. But if I was to do that, this posting would go on and on. So let me leave you with the above prose, cast into a sea of memories, as fresh and green as the new grass laid upon his final resting place.

God bless all our dearly departed friends and kin. May they be in the noble company ennobled by Allah (swt) and His Muhammad (saws). And at the end of our own restless wandering, may we be gathered there in Love's eternal solace.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE HAND OF FATE - take the hand and make your fate

Love Regardless

If love didn't wake you up this morning,

Let love put you to sleep in the evening,

If love did not begin your conversation,

Let love still be its conclusion,

And if you began everything with love,

In prayer, leisure, work or play,

Then by God, let love end them all the same way!

With love, through love, in the Name of Love,

That is God and no one else 

To whom you turn and pray!

..........................

God has created the world with love, and filled it with infinite means and causes by which love may be displayed. This is very, very good. But this also means that this world is filled with many, many trials and tribulations, doubts, errors and corruption that will test your love. As this sinner recorded almost 10 years ago in a prose about our Beloved God Almighty...

55. Love Test

I am He who heals all wounds

I am He who cherishes the afflicted

I am He whom you claim to love

What is love if it is not tested?

..............................

So don't worry if you start something with love, only for it falls over the side into unlove and regret. You are still alive after all, and it is still in your hands to determine the contents of your destiny.

Love Test 2

O' My servants...

In My hand is the fate of all things,

So take My hand and have no fear

To lose everything that you hold dear!

For am I not the one you must hold dearest...?

Above and beyond any other?

..........................

We need not face up to the conniving enemy, our ego and hubris all alone. We need not be looking for God by our own little knowledge and caprice. For in the Hand of God are all His Prophets and Saints... So wherever you will find these holy souls, verily you will find Him. 

We seek support always in this and all our undertaking, from the Seal of the Prophets himself, Muhammad Sayyidina Safiyullah (s.a.w.s.) (the Intimate of God).

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

A DOG'S TALE

"And where did you wander off to just now?"
The dervish asked me.

Going, Coming and Waiting

I would not be wandering

If God did not put the wanderlust in me,

I would not be asking

If God did not put the question in me,

I would not be thirsty for understanding,

If God did not send a thirst in my heart,

I would not be me, 

I would be something totally different,

Had God not touched my life

Through ever changing conditions...

Like the ebb of the tide of the ocean

Like the barking of my companion,

Like the stars in its countless constellations,

I am moved and I am stayed,

Going when I am told to go,

Coming when I am told to come,

Waiting when I am told to wait.

.............................

A Dog's Tale, I often sketch the picture of a wandering dervish. And nowadays he is often accompanied by a dog. If you ask me whether the pictures are in fact autobiographical, I must confess that it is. For I am the dog in the picture.

Sometimes I wish the dervish would put a leash on me, but he wouldn't. "For you must be with me because you want to be with me..."

I do, I really do, but sometimes I just get distracted and wander off, smelling a cat nearby or chasing after butterflies and squirrels.

I do that a lot, even at my age. But I am still with the dervish, after all these years...

Have a lovely day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

He Watches Over Those Who Are On His Path

Dervish Pen

This morning I woke up

And found a dervish who

Drew himself from the ink

Of my pen.

"Help me, o' Lord...

Help me, o' Lord..."

He said, while clutching his breast.

................................

Salam Jumaat the Blessed, my friends. However you seek the Lord's succour and mercy, you will find Him the Listener and the Gatherer of those who is asking for Him. Lay your weariness at the Door of His Help, cast your love-yearning spirit at the Cradle of His Ministration, turn away from this world's distraction and perceive this world in its true nature as a reflection in the Mirror of God.

Assuredly that is the best path to seek Him. And assuredly the path-maker, the one who tends to the path's straightness, the one who watches over those who tread his path, is none other than God's Own Path-Maker - the Seal of the Messengers and Prophets, Muhammad ibn Abdullah (s.a.w.s.).

ya Muhammad, Sayyidina Siratullah s.a.w.s.!

(Path of Allah)

ya Muhammad, Sayyidina Harisun Alaykum s.a.w.s.!

(Watchful Over You)

So fret not while on the path, sunshine. Keep your eyes straight on the object of your journey, even though you may stray a little. Have faith that He is watching over you... 

After all, it is His path that you are on! 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Going Green - the good, the bad, the sinner, the saintly, the saints...

Green Kuching

In the city of Kuching, Sarawak,

On the Island of Borneo,

There runs a mighty river,

Beside the river there sits a mosque,

And in the compound of the mosque

There is a cemetery,

In the cemetery there is a grave,

And on the grave rests a headstone

Carved of wood and shaped into a point,

Around the headstone is wrapped

A turban of green.

..................................

Green Jakarta

In the city of Jakarta, Indonesia,

On the Island of Java

There is a small hotel,

And in the hotel there sits a man,

He is a sinner, a wandering fool,

A desperate soul clinging to goodness

Like a rat in a flood,

Around his finger is wrapped a ring of silver

And set upon the ring is

A stone of green.

..................................

I am a sinner. But you know... the good thing about being bad is that you tend to see all these saints and the saintly in our life - as a mark contradistinction from ourselves. A beautiful view... alhamdulillah! (praise be unto God!) Of course we do not condone 'badness' and we have no intention to be bad all the time or forever. So God has generously sprinkled around us bad ones, the Good Ones. No doubt as a lesson for us, an example to emulate... and a mercy to experience.

And the Good Ones are always with God the One. Goodness all around, permeating the air that we breath, the water that we drink, the hand that we kiss with affection. We seek their company always. Like the moth we are drawn to the light.

A happy optimistic note for a happy hopeful Monday! God bless you, sunshine.

A Good One... 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE DIVINE PAUSE - working through one's disbelief of the true awesomeness of Allah (s.w.t.)

My late mother, Arbayah. Her life was both colourful and meaningful.
I am biased of course, but I think she is awesome.
al fatiha

What is Life?

What is life but a pause

Between being surprised by

The embrace of the Lord

And our sighs of thankfulness

And gratitude.

This I believe to be true,

However long or short

That pause turns out to be.

................................

I have a problem. It is disbelief. No, it is not disbelief in God, but disbelief in the attributes of God. On a daily, almost second by second basis I catch myself disbelieving Him.

Disbelieving in the infinite expanse of His Ocean of Mercy.

Disbelieving in His unimaginable Ocean of Love.

Disbelieving in His incomprehensible Ocean of Knowledge.

I say this to you, sunshine, and I guess I am making a sort of confession. Because, if I truly believe in Allah's (s.w.t.) all-Encompassing Mercy, I would be more merciful to others, and myself. If I truly comprehend His love for us, I would be similarly loving of all creatures, Man, Djinn, animals and other sentient or non-sentient creation of God. And if I understood where I stand in the glittering Sea of His Knowledge, by God, I would be more circumspect, and less ready to judge others or myself.

So I guess for me, this pause, this life, is going to take some time for me to work through.

But at least for this morning, I am thankful for however long or short this pause would be. And to top it off, I am able to spend it with you...

Have a meaningful Sunday, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

No Better Love Than This, No Better Life Than This

No Better

I give one percent and You give ninety-nine percent,

I take one step and You make one leap,

I think of You and You are already on the way to me,

I think of writing to You and Your postman is already 

Waiting at my door, ready for the delivery...

You are ever ahead of me, encouraging me to You...

You are ever behind me, covering my back,

This love You have for me...

Is there any other place to be

That is better than this?

..........................................

Nothing much to say today, sunshine. What is to be written here is already written.

May you find peace with your Lord. There is no better love or life than this.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

I am a Sign of the End of Time - prose from Singapore

The Sign of the End of Time

The man makes his way to the mosque,

And says, "The Key to my Heart is Morning Prayers at the Mosque..."

The traveler turns away from the world and the crowd

And says, "O' Lord, while I was all alone you kept me company,

But now that I am not alone, I seek your Divine Assurance still..."

The traveler makes his way out of the mosque,

And he hears a preacher man speak, "Now, let me tell you

About the Signs of the End of Time"

The man smiles hearing this and says to no one in particular,

"I am a Sign of the End of Time..."

................................................

Good morning, sunshine. I am back, arriving in Kuala Lumpur International Airport just a hair before 11pm. How have you been keeping in my absence? I trust all is well, insyaAllah...

The trip was good for me, work-wise as well as attending to matters that I have delayed to do in Singapore. The prose recorded above are the nuggets I have found trawling through the sleepiness of the soul, across the plain of reflection, alone and away from friends and family. And since this is Sunday and is a good day, I leave you, my beautiful spirit, with a lasting and difficult contemplation, but one worthy of your best effort - 

Patient Will

Patience is the unveiling of the Will,

All conquering over the arbitrary

And whimsical nature of

This world.

................................................

Have a lovely day, sunshine. Rest and relax...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

God bless the Invisible Thread! - fathers and mothers, sons and daughters...

The Invisible Thread

There is an invisible thread

Between your heart and your child's,

And every tremor, every passion and peace,

Every fear, hope, every ambition and wish

Passes like mercury between the two of you,

So think beautiful things and thoughts,

Reflect with candour and gratitude

For all that the Lord has wrought,

Above all, that which is your child,

And the invisible thread 

That is between the two

Of you.

................................

I am off to Singapore again shortly for work. So I shall miss my Saturday with Mika, my 9-year old son.

It is weary sometimes, working apart and away from your children. Not being able to come home to them. But this is just a two day's delay. My esteem for those who have to work outstation or overseas for months (or even years!) on end without seeing their children cannot be over estimated.

And the love that such parents have for their children - to work in a foreign country just so they  can give their children a better life?

God bless all fathers and mothers, all sons and daughters!

And God bless the Invisible Thread!

Have a wonderful Friday, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Secret Nature of the Red Sulphur

Red Sulphur

I am diminished,

Amounting to nothing,

If only I could share this with you

Without writing, without living,

Without reflecting or breathing.

If you read this, 

Assure the Lord that through

Your heart passed a thought,

And you know not from whence it came,

Nor who spoke them to you.

That way I can still continue writing,

And you can still continue reading,

But we can still amount to nothing...

Seeking the secret nature of the red sulfur.

..................................

Do you know that I am a prostitute? I have given myself to the world and all its distractions for a few baubles of worthless stones and validation by worthless men. Do you know that I am a thief? I have misappropriated time meant for virtuous deeds but filled them with lust, depravity and deceit. Do you know that I am a sorcerer? I have rejected the company of Angels and Heralds, preferring the boisterous party of Djinns and men with the nature of Djinns.

Well, you should know all this, for this is the sinner's almanac!

He he he.

If I have some hope for redemption and mercy, why should you, of all people, worry? You are beautiful already, sunshine.

So don't worry. Be happy. Believe. And help me find the secret nature of the Red Sulphur.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE PILGRIMAGE - an epic 30 postings travelogue of a sinner dressed as a pilgrim

You must forgive me. I did not plan to procrastinate so, but between my work and my play, my friends and my family, I have had little time to organise this almanac. But since arriving home from Singapore late Sunday night, I was committed to set up a page about the pilgrimage (umrah haj) I undertook in 2011. You can get there by simply Clicking Here, or going to the astutely named 'THE PILGRIMAGE' on the pages list on the right hand column of the blog.

There is enough to read and see in the thirty specific postings listed in that page, so I shan't trouble you with too many words here.

God bless you!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way 

I do not understand... but I understand love

I Do Not Understand, But I Understand Love

I do not understand the world sometimes,

Because the language most natural to me is love,

I do not understand the news sometimes,

Because the only news I know is love,

I do not understand people's anger and hate sometimes,

Because the only emotion I understand is love,

And by God, because of this

I sometimes do not even understand myself

And the angry and despairing creature

Standing in the mirror in front of me.

.....................................

I am leaving for Singapore again today. But I would have no problem speaking there because almost all Singaporeans can speak English. And of course there are also Malays there who can speak Malay, although some of them tend to speak in a lingo or dialect a little strange to us Malaysian Malays. A little bit 1970s era kinda lingo. He he he.

But Chinese or Malay or English, everyone can speak the Language of Love. It is manifest in our attitude and character, our patience and fortitude, our mercy and compassion. As a sinner, I fear that despite my 42 years of life, I am still in the Kindergarten of Love, and it is unsafe to leave me to my own ego and its cunning devices - often I caught myself speaking and thinking in another language. The language of the ego. I pray always to God to guide me, and to take me closer to His anointed Master of the Language of Love, our  own benevolent and loving Muhammad (s.a.w.s.).

Geo-politics and the geo-politicians of this world like to paint the world of despair and confusion. But that is simply because they are painting their global perception with the ego. I often do this and hope to lessen my addiction to this most foul of habits.

So pray for me always, sunshine. And I shall pray for you.

Let us endeavour to always converse in the Language of Love.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way