Friday, May 8, 2015


Salams, sunshine. the sinner has migrated (digitally) to a new website. Visit me at Notrumi. It has been awhile, I know.  I have in fact been planning this hijra (pilgrimage) for some time now since last year. And now it begins. No more hesitation, no more procrastination.

May this be a good beginning for us all, insyaAllah.

(Dear God... I am gonna miss writing here.)

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Thursday, January 29, 2015

DON'T BLINK! ...passengers waiting at the terminal of life

Don't Blink!
Don't mind me,
I am just passing through,
Don't mind me,
I am just passing by,
Don't save a seat for me,
Don't sign that freehold,
I am not stopping here forever,
Nothing will stop us from 
Growing old,

For I am just passing through,
A traveler in my life's winter,
All dressed to face the cold,
Waiting to drink the bitter,

A traveler passing by,
Suddenly out of the door,
If you but blink an eye
Here, in my life's winter... 

So don't think. my child,
Love and do not blink.

It is futile to seek permanence in this reality. For this world is in truth a departure terminal. Undoubtedly, it is a beautiful place to be, with all sorts of distractions on offer, but we cannot deny that upon the instance of our birth, we already have our boarding pass for that return flight to our Creator.

I guess the apparent regularity of death in my life, among my friends, family members and my masters,, has turned my mind towards the inevitable question  - I hope my destination at the end of that not-to-be-delayed flight will be the same.

For I love them so, and I miss them so. And with them is where I want to be. I figure that you too have witnessed the passing of your loved ones, sunshine. And perhaps like me, you also now tend to look at the wares and products on offer in the terminal of this life with less attention and passion. Not because we love life less, no, it is not that at all...

It is only because life has an end, do we realise how precious it is. 
Thus by the infinite, do we comprehend the value of the finite...

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way  

Sunday, January 4, 2015


The Ransom for Creation
Every time you inhale
With the intention of reciting
Salutations and praise 
For the Prophet,
Lo, that lungful of air 
Is worth more
Than all of Creation... 
So let your salawat 
For the Prophet 
Be heard,

Release the ransom of creation
And let your salawat 
For the Prophet
Be heard,

Let it be known
The reason for Creation,
And let your salawat
For the Prophet
Be heard...

Fossils, not Faith. One day I will not be here anymore to write this almanac. But I will be happy to receive the ending credits, that final curtain call of Allah (swt) that all creatures face, if I but know that these words will continue to float in your consciousness, sunshine. And for this, I would be eternally grateful.

Fossils, Not Faith
Lo, seek for the crier of tears!
The yearning ones,
The ones overcome with passion
At the mere recollection of the Prophet,

For their river of tears
Waters the field of real knowledge
And prevents the lore of God
From ossifying, drying up
And hardening into 
Fossils of faith,
Dead bones
Only fit to be
Exhibited in
The museum. 

Just Words. It is hard speaking, but how will we find God Almighty without the Prophet of God (saws)? Is it faith we have, or have we collected some old bones, dug from the earth of the holy Quran? Fossils really, dead lifeless prose, undoubtedly beautiful, full of knowledge and hypnotic, but at the end just words. And this we think suffices us to face this world, our willful ego, the accursed Satan and his minions?
Truth is choking them. Neither by our strength, nor by our greatest intellectual grasp of religion will we be safe. Oh how easy it is to say, "O' Prophet (saws), you have been sent to us and we are in need of you. So be alive in our hearts and our conscience, do not leave us for one moment to our fickle self. We are your nation, and we are undone without your love and mercy! For have you not been sent to all worlds and nations as God's Own mercy?" How strange then that some believers in the holy Quran find such words choking in their throat, unable to spit it out, crying out instead, "Bida'ah! Bida'ah (innovations and heresy)!"


But then again, love can never be completely explained. So I will stop here and ask God to show us His Love - Nabi Muhammad (saws), the Seal of the Messengers, the completion of mercy and generosity of the Merciful and Generous One to all His creation.

That's you and me, kiddo! So never despair, and smile always... 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

THE WINDOW DISPLAY OF THE SOUL... belief is not a destiny but a journey

The Window Display of the Soul
I am looking at myself,
Looking at the words
That I bedeck this almanac with,
Akin to a window-shop display
Of my thoughts that I found
Prose-like and pretty,

And I now wonder whether
These words truly
Represent me,

After some contemplation
The truth is deceptively easy,

That, no, these words are not me
But they are what I would like to be.

Salesmanship and self-delusion. We all have a certain level of salesmanship. I think it is inherent in most people, that we would like people to think of us in the best way possible. And indeed, it is true even for our own self knowledge.  We are our own shopkeeper, and we decorate the window-shop of our soul with pretensions of virtue, and we are also the customer of this products of self delusion. 

I am thinking of this because of the simple words; "I believe in God." And after some contemplation, I must admit that my level of belief in God rises and ebbs according to my tide of fortune. I would like to be constant and steady, but no. At an intellectual level, yes, but not on a moment-by-moment impassioned way, to live my life in the constant assurance of His existence and what He has promised humanity.  

Belief is not a destination but a journey. This in itself is not a bad thing, I guess. For I do believe that complete belief is reserved only for the Prophets of God, and the best and highest form of belief in God is in the conduct and manners of Muhammad Habibullah (saws), our most beloved and the last of the Prophets of God. So now, when I am thinking or talking, I am careful with the words, "I believe in God." Saying or thinking these words as honest as I can, and asking God to bring me closer to the completeness of belief, to the sweetest of His Truth, which is exemplified in the Prophet (saws). Phew... that is a big, cosmic level prayer. But even an infinite journey begins with a single step, yes?

Abang Shem. I would like to end this posting with a sad news of the passing of my beautiful cousin, Mohamed Zaid bin Zainal, known to me as Abang Shem. He passed away on Sunday morning. I will write of him when I am more calm and collected. May Allah (swt) accept him and bring him to the Divine Presence in the company of Nabi Muhammad (saws).

al fatiha

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

Saturday, December 20, 2014

THE LONELY SHORE - of certainties and openness

The Lonely Shore
I am a lonely shore,
A sandy bank
By a deep, rich sea.
All manner of people walk on me,
Leaving their footprints
Coming out of the waves,
Their enduring wandering
Ending Hu knows where.

In the imprints in my heart
I can see their path
And the beliefs
They say they believe in.

But I cannot live
On another person's belief,
So I ask that God Almighty
Give me my own belief'
To believe in,

And not leave me
Forever a lonely shore,
A sandy bank
By a deep, rich sea.

Keep it open. Do not close your heart, sunshine. Do not say or act, "Yup, I know it all. I don't need to know anymore. My mind and heart is made up..." For the simple truth is, truth is not as simple as that. And when you are seeking to be the dust beneath the feet of saints, or watchdogs at their door, you have to keep nimble and awake. Awake to challenges to your own certainty, awake to whatever God Almighty may arrange to come your way, "Hmm... let us see how Taufiq deals with THIS, that old Mr,Know-it-all,,,"

The firm toehold. But we must have some certain rock. An unchangeable principle, a toehold in our heart that we must protect, Perhaps, if you are a Muslim, it would be our declaration of faith (the syahadah) - I bear witness that there is no god but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God, These are the words that make life, truly worth living for. Indeed, in its words is the true flowering of humanity's potential and promise - and your own, whatever be your dream or talent.

Keeping the values. And the final point is this - may we never ever, in our efforts to keep to our syahadah, do or say or permit anything to happen that directly or, more often that not, indirectly destroy the very values and connection of the Divinity and our humanity that is part of our syahadah.

For in our lifetime alone we have seen enough blood, enough depravity, enough lies and hypocrisies, all done 'in the name of God'. Do you not agree, my love?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

Sunday, November 30, 2014


The Tree of Muhammad
I am a tree,
And I have been created
Complete in my perfection,
You may take sustenance from 
My deepest roots to the highest
Leaf or flower that bloom from me,
You may pick my low lying fruits,
You may take shelter beneath me 
From the heat of the sun
From the wetness of the rain,
And from the hubris of men,

You may approach me from 
Any direction, and along any path,
For I am created to endure 
And for as long as the forest remains
I shall always be here, waiting for you,

Indeed, by my Most Merciful Lord,
I was created that you may be created,
And If you think your desire and longing for me is great,
Lo, You will not bear to know my desire
And longing for you!

Who will come to me?
Who will sit under my shade?
Who will rest his weary troubles on me?
Who will share my fruits and my nectar?
Who will take delight in my company?

What is a tree? It is a living breathing organism without whom we would perish and this world would be a dead soulless planet. Yesterday morning Heche and me were buying breakfast from a street pedlar who was selling his nasi lemak under a tree by a busy suburban street. As I was waiting for Heche to complete our transaction I stood next to the tree and wondered in my wandering whim, "How many countless people have passed you by, o' Tree, barely noticing your existence, yet taking shelter beneath your rich green foliage?"

As we rush through our daily life, filled with distractions and illusions of this world, we often forget what truly matters. I thanked the tree for giving me a shade, and gently pressed my palm against its brittle grey bark. In the name of God that made you, thank you! In the name of the Prophet, thank you for your beauty!

Sarawak. When I was away in Sarawak, I was often close to tears. Not out of sadness, but joy. And a sense of overwhelming thankfulness for being surrounded by my beautiful friends, and beautiful trees. Arriving early in the town of Kuching I was brought to a cemetery near my friend's house to visit his late father, grandparents and great grandfather.

There, nestled among the shrubbery and trees, I found his ancestors's graves and the historical link to a beautiful history.  And I, Taufiq the recalcitrant sinner, playing an unlikely part in my friend's own story.  Winding through history like a path through the spiritual station of honoured ones, we find ourselves here today - somewhere in the most beautiful lore of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). Thus, our sincere prayers is that Allah (swt) shall allow us to contribute a chapter to His Habibullah's (saws) story, whether as a beautiful rose or even a fern or a humble blade of grass or moss... That is enough already.

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

Thursday, November 27, 2014


The Wind Tree
If you wish to fly like the wind,
You must have roots like the tree.

A Hullo. Hullo there, sunshine. I must admit that it has been some time since I last wrote here in the almanac. I do not know if I will continue writing regularly henceforth, but let us not worry about that...

Reality of History. You know, it is no good to desire some transcendental ascent, without good solid grounding in reality, and in particular, how our own history shapes it.

For history tells us how we come to be here today. Through the daily lives of our fathers and mothers, and our forefathers before them, through their fate we are led to this point in our life, and our own fate, insignificant as it may seem in the greater cosmos.

Importance and Self-importance. Yet, you are not insignificant. Whether you are a beggar in the street, a reveler in the nightclub or a dervish in the mosque, you are certainly important. Most importantly because you are beloved and cared by your Creator.

The risk is how our own hubris and pride takes that divine importance and turn it into damnable self-importance. 

The True Self is... Perhaps this is why I have been writing less nowadays. Repelled by my own horrible sense of self-importance. I guess I am tired of feeling like a fake faker, Ooh, Taufiq you fool, so full of your 'self'! I know this because an ancient friend tells me this - 'your true self is in your actions, actions motivated by selflessness. Any other reason for conduct is an illusion and a trap.'  

The Sole Reason for History. If only I could just let go and disappear. For I can sense the roots that entwine us all in the clay of our fragile humanity. There, in our shared history is all the nourishment we need for a better future. All the lessons and examples, the parables and wisdom of the Prophets of God. 

But knowing something is not the same as living something. So please, pray for me, sunshine! May Allah (swt) bless your kindness with the attention and guidance of Nabi Muhammad (saws), for he is the epitome of selflessness and generosity, and the entire cause and reason for our creation and history.

Don't you agree?  

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way