Muslims often say, "Jihad is not just war. The Jihad ul-Akbar (the Greater Struggle) is the personal struggle against our own ego and nafs (base desires)." Yeah... we say a lot of stuff. But we don't actually mean it, for time and time again, I observe than we are often overwrought and impressed by military history, weapons of destruction and violent sentiments. Of course we couch it in the name of God and His Beloved Muhammad (saws).
So I say now that...
The First Struggle
The first struggle for you
Is to overcome your self-delusion
That you truly understand
What is the Greater Struggle,
And for you to mind your manners with
The ant under your feet,
The woman that you claim to love,
The air that you breathe but do not own,
The God that you claim to worship but Whom you keep distant
And the Prophet that you claim to love but do not follow.
.................
I read someone who decries why Muslims are not "jihad-ing" like how we used to in the past. The struggle, right from the moment of the prophet of Muhammad Habibullah (saws) continues. Look with your heart and see our struggle! Not one moment passes that we are not walking upon the path between right and wrong!
Mika completed his first khatam quran yesterday at his mummy's house.
And it was a struggle. How beautiful it was because it was indeed a struggle!
Will you be the Firaun or
will you be worse than the Firaun?
At least the Firaun was a
generous leader, are you as generous
With the pennies that you have?
Or are you deluding yourself
That when you get rich you
will get kinder?
If you complain about your
neighbour’s noise,
How many times have you
yourself disturbed their peace?
If you question someone’s
sincerity,
Why should you not question your own sincerity?
If you look down upon
someone’s fall into disrepute,
How far will you yourself
fall into disrepute?
If you sneer at a woman’s
dress or impropriety,
Why do you not avert your
eyes instead?
If you possess an envy for
so-called jihad-crusade wars,
Why are you not thankful for
the peace in your own land?
If you question the love a
Mureed (student) has for his Murshid (master),
Is it because you possess
none for anyone else but yourself?
If you think you can yourself
perfectly interpret the Holy Quran,
Why did God even bother
sending a Messenger when
He could have simply sent the Holy Quran?
If you think that democracy
is the way forward for Muslims,
Why do you think the
Messenger stressed so much on adab (good manners)
Above personal hak (rights)?
If you think Islam is the
best religion,
Why do you feel oppressed?
Who is oppressing you but
yourself?
Who is humiliating you but
yourself?
The nation will receive unto
it the leaders it deserves,
The nation will receive unto
it the religion it deserves,
You preach insularity and
introvertness,
But when the Messenger
(s.a.w.s.) looked within himself
He saw God, and outside he
saw the vast ocean of humanity.
What do you see when you look
within yourself?
Your ego? Dressed in a
religious cloth?
You speak of defending the
faith.
You say speak in the Name of God,
But the truth is you do not
Even understand the
Nature of Words,
And how Words
Can be sorcery
And how Words
Can be
Mercy.
You throw your day away contemplating
over the Devil’s deception,
Until you yourself become
part of his deception,
You wring your heart and beat
on your chest,
In righteous anger at the
Devil, at the unbelievers,
At the Jews, at the
Christians, at the Hindus,
But I see you there alone,
standing in front of the mirror,
And the only person I see you
harassing and haranguing
Is you and no one but
you...
There is no evil but evil,
And you have become the messenger of evil, o’ Man.
O’ Humanity, O’ Muslims, O' Sincerity, wake
up! Wake up!
.......................................
The Dajjal (Antichrist) is only One-eyed because, in truth, it cares for no one but itself...
The Spring of Democracy in the Middle East and North Africa has become the Spring of the Self, in an Age of the Self. Insufferably selfish, we-have-all-the-answers, down-with-the-old-and-up-with-the-new political movement with a million-headed hydra of individual fears, desires and hubris.
There are no real leaders because such leaders that they have follows the selfish self-centred whims and fancies of 'the people'. But they are not following the people, because the desires of the people are not the people themselves. But none understands this because the people sees their egos and themselves as one.
And that is the greatest tragedy in the Century of Self (which is coincidentally the title of this amazing BBC documentary. Just like the prose, the documentary is too long, 235 minutes. But worth every second, I think.).
May we all have a conscious day today, aware of ourselves and cautious of our ego, always.
Doing Nothing. And when you are doing nothing, you are also doing something. For the human ego has to two contradictory abilities, it can motivate you to do the baddest thing in the world, and like a giant donkey, it can simply sit on you and stop you from doing the best thing you can do, for yourself, and the world. As a sinner who has graduated with both majors, I can assure you that the ego can ruin your life either way.
The Ego. Whether you are rich or poor, the ego as the selfish, proud, a genuine mr-know-it-all with a middle-age spread of hubris can make life unbearable. Whether you are sick or healthy, the ego will either make the path of recovery appear so unlikely that it will convince you to do nothing at all, or it will tell you that you will always be healthy and live forever. Both are of course, damn lies, but it is difficult sometimes to sieve through the truth and lies, facts and illusions, especially if you are inclined to believe the insidious mutterings of your ego most of the time...
The Selfless Ones. I admire the selfless and the generous, who thinks of nothing to lend their last penny to their brothers and sisters in need. They have trained their ego to heel, to sit, to stand up, to trot and to gallop according to their conscience, and not the other way around. God bless them!
Thank you for sharing the loft of your mind with me, sunshine. It is Monday and the Sun is shining obscenely bright outside. And I can almost hear the cackle and noise of humanity knocking on the door of my contemplation, requiring my attention. In my line of business, worrying and doing something about other people's problems is my vocation. My donkey is tethered outside and impatiently braying for me to come. Thankfully, I like what I do very much... May we all be guided to do in life what is natural to our fitrah (individual essence), whether as a doctor, a mechanic, a farmer, a writer, a singer or a nurse. Love what you do and do what you love... as the old adage goes.
Whatever you are working as, may you have a wonderful day ahead.
Peaks and Valleys. And on, and on and on... we live our daily life being pulled in the eternal tug of war between love and hate, mercy and vengeance, patience and haste, knowledge and ignorance, humility and hubris.
I don't know about you, sunshine, but these are the peaks and valleys of my own, and each moment is defined thus, and so each moment for me, truth is manifested, being either the Truth of God, Most Compassionate and Most Merciful, or the many coloured truths of my ego - being self-centered, selfish, self-absorbed, envious and narcissistic.
Public Speaking. Things become more interesting as you step out of your shell and into the public arena. Although I am a lawyer, I am more of a draftsman rather than a litigator, working behind the scenes, advising and counseling. But of late I have taken a step out of the dusty bookish realm of drafting into the arena of public speaking and lectures. And I have been forced to face up to my own (often hidden) self image and pride. To find the balance between representing myself as a sensible 'respectable' man and avoiding the all-too-easy trap of vanity.
Below Average, You Say?! Happily, the review so far have been mixed - Downs like approaching a participant in the front seats to ask for the time, only to find her happily sleeping, Ups like receiving a call from the organizers to hold another lecture, and again Downs like being told that I have been marked average for my content but below average for my presentation. Ooh... the pain my ego felt.
He he he.
What in God's name is that fat man droning about?
The sinner at a wedding reception last night. Yet another
experiment in public speaking. But the happy couple (Messrs Syed Khaled
and Cherry Fifi) said they liked it. But otherwise, appearing to be ignored by 1000 people
is always a good lesson for the human ego. He he he. Now I know how God may sometimes feel like.
I highly recommend it. And tomorrow night, I will be forming a trinity of speakers to give a talk on the
economic impact of emerging economies to the new 2012 batch of
of medical students of at a University here, and no doubt, to be largely
ignored by hundreds more of below 20s undergrads.
I wonder how politicians and preachers maintain their sensibility when basking in the ego-boosting, heady and bewildering atmosphere of a clapping and adoring audience? I believe that all great terror, corruption and evil came somewhere from this failure of leaders to find a suitable remedy.
So I guess sometimes it is good to be told 'Sorry, but you kinda sucked!'.
He he he.
But all's well that end's well... The wedding reception was an unqualified
success (not counting me that is), and here is the husband and wife happily
surrounded by their friends. The wife was not so happy later when one old and
dear friend (no, not me.) jumped her, and accidentally pulled down her
veil and broke her beautiful tiara. Oopsie. On the way back the friend confided in me and
Heche, "I think I will keep out of sight for one month, until Fifi forgets..."
There are no doors for kings and knaves to reach Me,
All shall come to Me as servants, beggars and slaves,
But yea, How loved is the beggar,
When the Lover is Me!
.......................................
Lovers are fond of making the sweetest promises, and promising the most impossible of things to their beloved. And I don’t blame them. For if they are motivated by true love, everything suddenly appears possible, and nothing is impossible. They have inadvertently tapped into the Vein of Love that courses through every man, woman and child on this planet. It is a powerful stuff, this love. God made us all this way. Thank You, God.
But love, like all forms of energy, must be cultivated and nurtured. Love is not without its pre-conditions and post-conditions. Who was it that once said that there is a thin line drawn between love and hate? He (or she) is not far from the truth because Love is like a nuclear reactor. If planned and carefully prepared, love can energise entire nations. But if it is treated disrespectfully and callously, it can destroy whole cities. And this happens when the human ego seeps into love, tainting its sweet, generous and selfless nature – love is overthrown and something mimicking love is in place – the ego-driven need for validation, praise and security. This thing fools the smartest of doctors and the most beautiful of beauty queens… It has uprooted the reasoning of Kings and the modesty of Queens. It is a bad thing.
How Shaykh Raja Ashman adored his Maulana! But that seemed to augment and not lessen his ability to love everyone else, leaving each person who crossed his path feeling special and hopeful. al fatihah.
That is where God comes in. In particular, our servanthood and adab (courtly courtesies and manners) towards God. Because from this very basic divine formula of love for the One God, flows all our love for other human beings and other creatures, and all sentient and non-sentient matters in this Universe. A selfish insular love for another person, be it a woman or man, is no love at all. Because everything is weighed and measured in totality, and that includes our friends, family, neighbours, workmates and acquaintances. To ignore or exclude anyone else but your boyfriend / girlfriend or husband / wife is a strange and lonely facsimile of love.
Of course there is a certain balance that you must seek to attain. After all, you have specific obligations and rights over your spouse that you do not have over anyone else (the unfortunate breach of this basic rule has led to many a broken marriage). And you owe a greater duty to your parents than to your friends. And this is the tricky bit, to find the perfect balance and equilibrium. I do not think it is easy, and I always hope to be rightly guided.
Hehehe. The fact is that we often are rightly guided. But our egos are also good at persuading us that it is in our best interest to follow its advice and take the opposite path. And there lies the road to trouble. So conclusion for today… Don’t let our ego into the nuclear reactor of love. It can start a chain reaction that will annihilate our most cherished hopes…
But don't worry (too much) about my nuclear euphemism, sunshine. After all, God is on the side of lovers and the broken-hearted. I bid you a lovely, lovely Sunday.
23. Judging self We are taught To judge ourselves, But have care that You do not judge yourself And in your zeal, You inadvertantly Punish someone else.
That is not wisdom, It is self-conceit, Alas, a common error Stumbling the most Earnest of seekers.
MISERABLE ME. Self-audit is part of self-discovery. It is a rudimentary approach but essential to help clean away the dirt and cobwebs that spoil your soul's true beauty. But I think man (and woman) is inclined to overdo it sometimes. And I am a fine example. In my zeal for perfection I find despair when I do not meet my own expectations. But this often doesn't just hurt me, but also those around me and who depend on me. I work slower, I smile less, becoming crabby and exceedingly difficult to live with.
SELECT-FOCUS BECOMES AUTO-FOCUS. I found this nifty select-focus option in my camera phone which permits me to err... select focus on a particular part of the shot before I take a picture. We too have our own select focus option, but often we do it without being aware. So just as the camera can focus on a particular point, we too normally focus on one aspect of our life at any given moment. And when we are down and stressed, oh boy, do we auto-focus on the negativity. And when we are up and cheerful, we tend to auto-focus on the positives. But both do not actually reflect reality which is often a mix of good and bad vibes.
TUNNEL VISION? I think that perhaps, true self-discovery lies not in a myopic tunnel vision of our selves. It is in taking the good and bad with a sense of balance, not too sad and not too happy. And to really always endeavour in finding the best way we can serve other people and not ourselves alone. I do not think God himself has tunnel vision because I do not think God is in a tunnel. I believe He is everywhere and sees and hears everything. And if God does not sway in His gaze upon you, surely that must mean that you mean something to Him.
DESTINY. Today is Monday and the beginning of a new working week for us. We are at the cusp of victory, sunshine. We are at the edge of success. We are only moments away from glory. So just like God, do not be swayed by the distractions and misadventures of this world. If we mean something to Him, then surely we must be destined to fulfill some beautiful quest, however high or humble may be our station.
Stake your claim on your destiny, my friend. And even if you do not find gold, you may find God in the earth and stream that courses through your immortal soul.
When man prospects for gold or God they tend to grow long beards...
It is easy to be self-obsessed. I always believe that it is good to take the world seriously, but it is sometimes necessary for us to take ourselves not too seriously. To be able to climb out of our skin, take a good look at ourselves... and smile, laugh or snigger. Really, we are truly amazing in our ability of deluding ourselves and giving ourselves delusions of importance. If we make a mistake, if we commit an error (and who hasn't), isn't it a bright idea to be able to look in the mirror and say, "Taufiq (assuming the name of the culprit is Taufiq), you fool... Now don't you look silly?", instead of saay... beating ourselves on the head and diving into the pit of self-loathing?
I am saying all this because I am prone to both - self-obsession and self-loathing. Someone told me that the trick is to be neither. To live as is, to take things one time at a time, but to be cool and composed at all times. (Is there a prescription drug I can take to be that? Hehehe) But seriously now, We cannot be Superman and we are not Spider-man. We are just human... and sometimes, that is the most hardest thing to be. Human. Which brings me to the Sinners' Dictionary's definition of humanity (wow. I am glad that this rambling posting has a logical end. Hehehe)
73. HU-man-ity I always believed that Man was just man. Until HU came And changed man into HUman. Then HU made me see, That from Ahmad’s single Nur Came plurality, Thus, HUman became HUmanity. ..............................
Hu also means 'He' as in God. Ahmad is another name of the Prophet Muhammad. There is some mystical meaning to the name but let's save that exposition for some other time, okay? Thank you for your patience, pet. And may you be a good human being. As always, you lead and I will follow (even if its at a distance and in my normal lazy pace)
Its been a wet (what else) and warm Monday here in Kuala Lumpur. How's your day been, sunshine?
9. No Barred Gate There is no barred gate, No locked door, To My temple.
Not for My servants, Are the endless wailing To gain entry Into My house, Furiously knocking at the doorsteps Of the priests and caretakers, Asleep in their priestly cots.
For My true abode Is in the hearts of My servants,
And be assured I sleep not. ……….
So wrote the sinner in chapter 34, entitled “A Thought Away” (circa September 2008).
Oh yes, God doesn’t sleep or rest. But I do. I need to. So if you come to me seeking aid while I am asleep, you shan’t get any. Not unless you wake me up. I may help you, but I reserve the right to be surly and (a little) insincere.
The sad thing about me is, unlike the Loving God, I ain’t so loving even when I am conscious. If I am tired, or busy and a deadline is knocking on my door, I would be like those priests and caretakers, not asleep, but simply too engrossed with my exhaustion or my work to give you aid. So between deadlines and friends, it is probable that I would choose deadline over friends. Especially if it is nearing the end of the month and my overheads are looming in my horizon like a black looking thingy. I am rationalising... sorry. There is really no excuse.
How lucky for you then that God is not finite. He is running His show 24/7 since year dot and before. Depend on Him to keep His Pearly Gates open. And don’t be like me; make sure your own pearly gates are continuously open also, to love and accept whoever God has sent to you seeking aid. If you do so, surely then, you are also a good host to God Himself.
My mum taught me all this. Not by words (like me), but by the best lesson possible - by example. And today I am sharing it with you, with the hope that it goes some way to mitigate for my poor hospitality. I am a sinner, but you… you are absolutely wonderful. Your example is a golden hope in the skies of my graying soul. And if one day, you find me knocking on your door asking for help, then help me. God will repay you for whatever kindness you give to this beggarly sinner.
40. If If I have been unkind,Forgive me, If I was ungrateful, Forgive me, If I was human and erred, Forgive me.
In the calumny of my ways In the darkest of my days If I have sought others, Forgive me.
If I have not sought Your forgiveness Often enough, Forgive me.
For I was created To forget and to remember.
I was created To lose and to find You.
I was created as a vessel Of errors and misplaced passions, And I would have long perished, Had I not been sailing The Ocean Of Your Endless Mercy. .............................................................. From the chapter entitled "Keeping Count", October 2007
I was a rotter last night. But this evening, I was forgiven. Not by God, but by my friend Heche. I am still a little groggy from the wine of forgiveness served to me, and am alas, not thinking too straight. Not that I famous for thinking straightfully.
I believe, that when you forgive someone, you are taking water from His Mercy Ocean. And I do think He wants you to take from his Mercy Ocean, again and again and again. As many times and as often as you can. So forgive. Forgive whomever and whatever. Forgive and complete this month beautifully.
So be like Heche and forgive, so that sinners like me will take some Mercy to quench our endless yearning for endless forgiveness.
