LAYLA'S LAMENT - God, Man, Love and the Language of Music

Layla's Lament

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you love me, 

And Majnun, 

Say not that you care, 

For it is you 

Who has always denied me, 

So couch no lies in your words so fair,

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you seek me, 

And in your search 

Oh how you despair, 

For I am always

There beside you, 

It is you who act 

Like I am not there,

Oh Majnun, 

Say not that you believe, 

And in your heart 

You do not deceive, 

For I am often 

The One lied to, 

Oh, how shall it be 

If I am as untrue? 

Oh Majnun, 

How hollow is your smile, 

For in your life 

You mix truth with your lies, 

And the crown that you wear 

Was never meant for you, 

And the path you choose 

Will take you no where. 

.......................

A Love Story. Everyone (I assume) have heard or read the story of Layla and Majnun. About the poor love-struck Majnun who was utterly, helplessly besotted with Layla, a woman with the unfortunate condition of being someone else's wife. Uh oh. Trouble.

Adam, my nephew, recording Layla's Lament first rough (very rough) cut.
We have passed it on to our singer and composer friend, Azri to flesh out
the song and add a little sparkle. 

God and Man. The story of Layla and Majnun was also read and interpreted as a parable of the love between Man and God. And it is in this context that Layla's Lament was written, way back in 21st November 2005. The date was in fact its original title, and just to add another level of myopia, the poem also had a second name, being 'Qubruz Bluez 2'. So Layla's Lament is its third and final (let's hope so!) incarnation.

I am forced to this rare change because the poem is being adapted for music, and let's face it... '21st November 2005 (Qubruz Bluez 2)' is a little long and vague for a song title. I am no musician, but with a little help from some very gifted friends, we hope to have an acceptable song within the next couple of months. 

My Infidelity. And I guess this is where I must confess... that I have been spending a lot of my free time working on the lyric and music for Layla's Lament. I am having an adulterous affair with music, leaving this almanac untouched for days on end. And it is not just Layla... but many, many other songs and prose, including instrumentals that have torn my attention away from my writing. I have been a bad, bad boy.

But to be honest... At 43, I am thankful to God Almighty and the Prophet (saws) for giving me another chance. Reawakening an ancient passion to fill my days. For I am enjoying becoming a student once again... learning the language of music, making my first untutored, awkward steps to God-knows-what-end. And finding the infinite space in the syllable of each word that is uttered or sang with love. 

184. Cathedral of Beauty

If Layla had not sent Majnun to guide us,

How long would we stray still in the temples of lesser devotions,

Never to set foot in the Cathedral of Beauty?

..............................

I have the story already, you see. Thousands upon thousands. But now I want someone to sing it!

Wish me luck, sunshine, in this new adventure, and for those still yet unknown who will be my travelling companions in this journey.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

SAILING THE SEA OF MATRIMONY - all roads and all knowledge inevitably leads to Hu... and to you.

1. Universe Within

Galaxies swim within my veins,

Stars make home in each cell of my body,

Cosmic winds rise from my lips,

As creation mingle sweetly in my eyes.

                                                     

                                  I am the intangible vessel,                                 

The wandering soul,

Tasked to find and record,

The Speech of the One.

I am the broken vessel,

Holed below my waterline,

Sailing an unbroken sea,

With a smile and verily, a fool’s hope!

.............................

If you are reading this, know that you are reading the memoirs of a fool. But alhamdulillah you are with a smiling fool. 

I don't know about anyone else, but I am contented to be a fool than a morose scholar, forever crying "Oh woe! Oh sadness! Oh, the things that I know!!" . Instead I am happy to constantly be amused, astonished and struck speechless by this life, on a course set by Him., until the day that it pleases Him to take me back.

But as I am still alive and writing, I guess there are still secrets and surprises left to be uncovered. And in the entwined limbs of lovers in rapture there are secrets to know, for there is nothing of value if that thing does not take you closer in your understanding of God Almighty.

Whether you are sailing across an ocean or the stormy waters of the matrimonial bed, seek God!

Consummated passion and more importantly, safety, is there. 

He he he. And to grease the machinery of your impending marriage (assuming you are getting wed) do remember this fine line spoken by a friend of mine to his betrothed...

Dear Love,

Our contract of marriage is a strange thing,
For the definitions are waiting to be explored,
The meaning of words and names are waiting to be written...

So write me, and who I am,

For I am without meaning until you tell me

What I mean to you...  

..............................................

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

KNOWLEDGE, LOVE, FORTITUDE, WORDS & BREATH - The Ramadan Story, Part 13

Not Until I Have Returned

Knowledge, don't betray me,

Don't make me believe that I know,

Not when I am often confused,

Wondering if I should stay, loiter or go.

Love, don't deceive me,

Don't make passion to be my guide,

Not when the path to happiness is patience,

Patience to wait and to see what is wrong 

And what is right.

Fortitude, don't forsake me,

Don't leave me when the going gets tough,

Don't leave me to my own vices,

So easily falling when the path gets rough.

Words, don't fail me now,

Don't leave me speechless when I need you most,

Not when there is still many prose to be written,

About God, about the Prophet, 

About the Garden and the Rose.

Breath, don't leave me yet,

Not until I have said what needs to be said,

Not until I have written what needs to be written,

To complete my earthly travel, 

Before finally crumbling in a state of prostration,

Crying out, ya Allah! ya Rasulullah... 

I have returned!

...........................

When Heche gave me The Hobbit poster last night (see earlier posting, He Hu Never Lets Us Sinners Down...), I was so happy. And I said to her later over the phone, "You know, I not only like this present. I am impressed!"

Even  without seeing her face, I knew she would be smiling extra wide, with a sense of gratification. Gratification because she has always considered me a smart sort of fellow. Which is of course a mistake. For I don't think I am smart at all. For however much knowledge that I have been able to trawl from the ocean of knowledge, I still cannot answer this very simple question about Heche...

Why is she still with me?

After all, I am not rich, I am not good-looking. I am overweight and have serious health issues.  I can be grumpy, especially when I am fasting. And I can be impatient with boring conversation. 

I think until the day that I wheeze out my final sonorous breath, I will still have this question troubling me. 

Oh well, at least then I can get to ask God. He would be able to answer, no doubt. And indeed, while I have the opportunity, I might also bother Him with these burning queries...

Why do You care and love me so?

How are You able to overlook all my sins?

How can You still attend to me when I have often left You?

Who am I that You see that I myself do not see?

I guess what little Knowledge, Love, Fortitude, Words and Breaths I have left shall continue to sustain me until that day. 

So until then, walk with me, sunshine. And forgive me my contratemps, such as they shall be.

wa min Allaha at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

HE HU NEVER LETS US SINNERS DOWN - The Ramadan Story, Part 12

Uh oh. That's a lot of candles!

Numbers. Numbers are important. Especially to God, for it is through bearing witness to His Absolute Oneness and Utter Uniqueness (which is even beyond our bare estimation of what is common and what is unique), that makes you a believer in Him, in our One God. What makes you on the way to be a Muslim (for it is of course a journey), is to bear witness that Muhammad bin Abdullah (s.a.w.s.), is His Messenger.  

Clingy. Numbers are important to me too. Especially yesterday, when I crossed the threshold of 42 into the brand new me of 43 years old. I don't know why, but since hitting 40 I feel like time is accelerating, and I am being flung across the time-space continuum when I am still barely getting over not being a 30-something. Dismayed by the ever increasing numbers of candles on my birthday cake, I am becoming more and more attached to the number One, a.k.a. Allah (s.w.t.), the Most Loving, Most Assuring One. Perhaps not just attached... perhaps even clingy... Oh God! Don't leave me to these distracting and confusing numbers! 

Clingy. You get this way with age. He he he.

One. But numbers can also be good fun (and a good read). For instance, do you know that the number of words that make up The Hobbit bestseller by J.R.R. Tolkien? It is 95,694 words according to Wiki.Answers.Com. And from this same source, I also found out that the number of pages of The Hobbit depends on what edition you have, but they tend to be somewhere in the range of 270 to 330 pages. The reason why I am sharing with you this oh-so-interesting information (wait, wait, don't fall asleep yet!) is because last night Heche gave me my birthday present. It was the entire book printed on a single poster. For a Lord of the Rings acolyte, this is considered Tolkien-nirvana.

You can't read it from this small jpeg, but it's all there... the entire book. The poster is jusr
below 4 feet tall and more than 2 feet wide I reckon. When framed it must be mounted
on a wall in a library. And just when I was thinking of ending my tenancy at the Hermitage in
the Sky, Heche gives me a reason to stay on. There is a library, you see, in the Hermitage.

One But Any Number and Beyond Infinity. We had my (second) birthday dinner at my neighbourhood Mamak (Indian-Muslim) restaurant which is well known more for its location and service than its food or drink (I am being honest here). It is a bare spartan establishment, but I have had many a cuppa there and for this birthday I just wanted something friendly and familiar. So myself, Heche, Fifi, Efa and Kamarul purchased some food from the Ramadan Bazaar and enjoyed a cheerful break-fast there, thanks to the flexible interpretation of the no-outside-food rule by Iqbal the manager. So you see, the number 6 made me very happy yesterday too. For God is indeed the One, but when it comes to blessings, His measure is any number and beyond infinity.

HU. Allah (s.w.t.) is Hu (He). And Hu is He Hu never lets us down... masyaAllah, even if I am just a dog barking at the door of the Master.

Woof Woof!

That is sinner talk to mean "Right now I am simply happy. Thank you."

I was alone in the rain. Then You came and said You were my Friend.

Have a lovely day today, sunshine, and while you are at it, have a nice life too. For only God can truly compensate you for finding a place in your heart for an incorrigible sinner like me. Woof woof!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Gaining the Universe by Giving - life, love and the mystery of devotion

The More I Love, The More I Have

I give you all my love,

All my affection and my confidence,

All my yearning and my desire,

All my giving I give to you,

And all my receiving

I wait from you.

I give you all my love,

All my ambition and worldly aspiration,

All my smiles and outer reflection,

All my fears and outer illusion,

All my mirrors, my music, my words,

All the truths that I have learned

From the Congress of the Birds.

I give you all my love,

All my hopes, my sorrows and tears,

All my garden and all its trees,

The root, the trunk, the leaves, the flowers and fruit,

The ruby-like berries ripe under the hovering eaves.

Yet my life I devote to God.

So strange how the more I have for God

The more I have for you…

 ……………………………………………….

I have a new receptionist in the office. He rejoices from the East Malaysian state of Sarawak on the island of Borneo. His body is festooned with tattoos, but nothing warlike at all. In fact he is one of the most soft-spoken young man I have ever known. He doesn't raise his voice, in fact he barely raises his eyes, averting my curious gaze. He makes me feel ashamed of my own lack of discretion and deference. As he is a little shy, I will call him Clark.

Early this week, he shared with me a story. (He said) One day, a saint was to marry his betrothed. And the saint said unto her - "I give you all my love. My life, I give to Allah..."

I used the same yarn on Heche. She replied that it is impossible for me to give her ALL my love because I already have a son. But I think she is (rarely so, but this time) wrong.  

For I truly believe with all the core of this sinner's heart than the more you love, the more you have love to give. And when it is God and His Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) to whom you devote your life... alhamdulillah... the recompense and reward for you and those whom you love is as wide as Allah's Mercy Ocean.

Unimaginably wonderful. Mystifying in its breadth. As subtle as a raindrop. Awe-inspiring as a Cosmic Storm. And even more than that.

Don't you agree, sunshine? Thank you for agreeing...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

When You Fall in Love, You Lose Your Freedom - towards true servanthood of Love

No Freedom (a song by Dido)

"No love without freedom,

No love without freedom,

No love without freedom,

No freedom without love..."

.....................

Talented is Dido. When I heard this song, the chorus struck a chord in the piano of my soul. I thought of what she sang... "...no love without freedom..." She always had a way with lyrics, this Dido. Below is her music video.

But When You Fall in Love, You Lose Your Freedom - I think this to be true. And if at any point in our relationship, we appear to have a semblance of choice, a veneer of options? Why, the unpalatable truth is that we have not properly fallen in love. 

Divine Love. And that is why in the School of Love that is this world, and in relation to the object of devotion and affection that is our Lord God, I am still in kindergarten. Trying with some difficulty to grasp and to hold unto that which the mystics of Islam and the world call Divine Love. Because I still think I have choices, you see... Therein lies my weakness. 

But I am not too worried, sunshine. Because I also believe that our path, our journey in this life is through that weakness...

Onwards, through the realisation of our utter helplessness, towards true servanthood of Love.

ya Allah, ya Rasulullah... how blessed are we, sunshine.

Have a truly beautiful Sabbath.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

FAITH HAS NO WEIGHT, LOVE HAS NO MASS - tea and the divine parables and metaphors

Faith Has No Weight, Love Has No Mass

Heavy books with heavy phrases,

Heavy looks on heavy faces,

Heavy thoughts in heavy hearts,

O’ scholars, what are you teaching yourselves!?

Heavy tents and heavy politics,

Heavy plans and heavy tricks,

Heavy words and heavy hubris,

O’ scholars, what are you teaching yourselves!?

Heavy pride and heavy fences,

Heavy fears and heavy defenses,

Heavy deeds and heavy offences,

O’ scholars! What are you teaching yourselves!?

In truth, faith has no weight

And love has no mass,

And the only thing heavy

Is a heart of both bereft.

…………………. 

A good heart gives the fortunate owner a nimbleness in his thinking, his work, his play and his loving. A good heart does not see the world in the material and spiritual sense, knowing as he does, that there is in truth only one reality. Only that such reality can be read and understood in two aspects, like two sides of the same coin.

Tea and the Divine Parables and Metaphors. In the holy Quran, we are informed that God talks to us in parables and metaphors. And so He does, while we work out what He is saying to us through our physical and spiritual interpretation of the world. So, when you drink tea, it is not merely a temporal  action, but also a spiritual action. It's the same whether you are asleep or awake, working, playing or praying. 

And good heart is important for this sorta thing.

So I hope to one day gain a good heart. It is not a complicated concept. Just do more good than bad. But for myself, this has been the most challenging ambition of all. But I still have hope, and I pray. To gain that nimbleness of footing upon the mountain.

'Tis Friday. Have a lovely weekend, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam 

Love will show the Way 

Our Memories is Greater than the Sum of all its Parts - life, death, mothers, masters and God

Bukit Kiara Cemetery, Kuala Lumpur.

Our Memories

Though you may not see Him,

Verily, He sees you,

Though you may not hear Him,

Verily, He hears you,

Though you may not remember Him,

Verily, He remembers you in good company,

Not a single moment has He left you in doubt,

Not a single page of your life that He has not read aloud,

Every glance, every tear that you shed,

Every laughter, every smile and playful pout,

All your joy and bitter regrets,

All your good and all your bad,

All your within and all your without,

Like a riverfall descending down the mountain side,

Like the little fishermen boats that run through the harbour,

You course through His thoughts as you make your way to Him,

To His sea and to His mercy,

And along the way,

You met me

And you helped make 

Our Memories.

…………………………..

Dearest mother,

How I miss your smile and laughter. Your impregnable optimism and your fire. How I miss your cooking, all that fish and vegetables. How I miss you bringing fruits and produce from other countries. How I miss you greeting the many friends and family who would come to our house, bringing light of laugh and love into our lives.

Dearest master,

How I miss your presence, silent and all-encompassing. How I miss the way you say my name. And how you made me feel. You were small in stature, but somehow you seemed to me seven feet tall. I still have your number in my cellphone. If I call it, who will now answer?

Dearest dearest,

You were ever present in these, the memories of my mother and my master. My beloved, benovelent, most kind and merciful Creator. I knew you were there. I had no doubt. For you have given me a life rich with love and laughter, tribulation and ease, success and failure. However my life has turned, I knew I had your undivided attention…

Alhamdulillah,

Arbayah binti Haji Hashim, somewhere in South England.

Subhanim Allah, Sultanim Allah, Nabim Muhammad alayhi salam.

Wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

My happiness is by their side

I await the Day

Speak to Him... awake or in your nightly dream...

Break the Silence

Talk to Him,

Talk to Him However Way You Want to...

Through your Prayer,

Through Your huMan Tears and holy Hymn,

Break THe siLence,

And talk to HiM...

eVEN in your nightly Dreams...

For though your lips stay stubbornly silent,

Your Soul may yet find its ReAl appearance, 

And while you fall asleep like a Heathen

Your DreaM takes its path to Heaven.

............................

Life is about conversations about God and with God. And it is meant to be a two-way communications. A dialogue. And even if we are naughty and negligent in our prayers, does God turn away? Is our connection to Him severed?

So long as there is a single breath animating us, there is a link. For God is unlike us, whimsical and often arbitrary in our actions. "I am closer to you than your jugular vein", God expresses Himself clearly in the Holy Quran. Therefore, the only question is whether you are up to the task of accessing and filtering the information downloaded from the Divine Presence on a daily, second by microsecond basis. 

And this happens even in our sleep, as our spirit partially (and temporarily) relinquishes its worldly passport to find some divine sustenance from the Fountain of Knowledge. For this world is indeed a mere journey from our real home in the beautiful meadows of God's Divine Presence. And one day (and may such a day be blessed!), our worldly passport shall indeed expire and we will be invited home to the  place of honour as a weak servant in the Heavenly Court of God - Creator and Lord of all mankind.

This is something the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) teaches his followers. This is not just a journey for the Muslims, this is a journey fated for all humanity. So let us be nice to everyone sharing our travel!

Uh oh... and lest I forget, here is wishing all my Hindu brothers and sisters a wonderful Deepavali!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in  Islam

Love will show the Way

I am not Lost. I am in Love.

1.      I am not lost

God bless you and your family,

For God loves he who keeps faith

With those who appear lost.

But I am not lost, you see.

I am in love.

................................

The scenario of falling in love is sometimes closely connected with some lost or other. Lost of your reason... that's a pretty frequent story. Lost of your property... that is also a common malady of love. Lost of your senses... oh boy, can I write a novel about that. Lost of your kingdom... Lost of your freedom... Lost of your free time.. lost of perhaps many things which you once cherished and held dear.

A friend of mine who was recently married is a good example of this pandemic of lost. For I am seeing him becoming somehow different, coping with married life and the accessories of changes that comes with the 'I do'. We sometimes meet, and he regal me with his domestic arrangement and the fixings and repairs required in moving into a new house. But most of all, he talks a lot about his wife, fascinated by the behaviour and personality of his own Frau of the Haus. Like a jigsaw he has long puzzled over, everything in his life is finally fitting in now, just nicely. 

So I guess it is good to lose something sometimes. Because my friend, in his 42nd year, has gone and lost his heart to a girl, and with it his solitude and loneliness. 

Alhamdulillah.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Why...? Love asks

Some gathering of roses in the shape of a heart... by Cristina Colombo

Why...? Love asks.

Why are you standing?

I was anticipating  your arrival, love.

Why are you praying?

I knew you would be listening, love.

Why are you forgetful?

I knew you would still remember, love.

Why are you flying?

I am not flying, love.

It is this world that is falling away beneath my feet.

Why is the world falling away?

For this world cannot bear the reality

Of your love for me and my love for you, love.

…………………………..

And why was I unwell? I caught a sickness from my son, Mikhail. But he is better already and I am back, alhamdulillah. Thank you for waiting, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

"STAY...", Love said to me

1.      I have seen You!

I have seen You, Love!

Reflected upon the waters

Of your creation!

I have heard You, Love!

In the sweet muttering

Of your creation!

You will not let me sleep,

You will goad and flirt,

You will be selfish

With me,

Again and again.

How You love me

I do not care,

For here You are,

With me,

In any time,

Anywhere.

I cannot walk away,

Not when you look

At me that way,

Telling me,

“Stay.”

Love never said, "Go away." Love never said, "Leave me be." Love never said, "You are excused, you may go." Which is really fortunate for us, for how will we leave Love's presence, sustained as we are in our spirit and our very being by Love's loving gaze?

100. The Minnow

O’ Little Minnow

Swimming in the shallow.

No where could you go

That His River does not flow.

God is Love Manifest beyond the wildest dreams of poets and lovers, and from there comes His Attribute as your nourisher and sustainer. And though He could compel the smallest minnow or the mightiest king to be in His divine presence, He does not - He asks you, as how befits the Lover to the Beloved, "Stay."

So if one day you find yourself standing at the corner, waiting for a cab to take you away from Love, turn off the bitterness and come back inside, where there is love, warmth and you. For where would the real you be if not with love?

"Stay."

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way