Not Until I Have Returned
Knowledge, don't betray me,
Don't make me believe that I know,
Not when I am often confused,
Wondering if I should stay, loiter or go.
Love, don't deceive me,
Don't make passion to be my guide,
Not when the path to happiness is patience,
Patience to wait and to see what is wrong
And what is right.
Fortitude, don't forsake me,
Don't leave me when the going gets tough,
Don't leave me to my own vices,
So easily falling when the path gets rough.
Words, don't fail me now,
Don't leave me speechless when I need you most,
Not when there is still many prose to be written,
About God, about the Prophet,
About the Garden and the Rose.
Breath, don't leave me yet,
Not until I have said what needs to be said,
Not until I have written what needs to be written,
To complete my earthly travel,
Before finally crumbling in a state of prostration,
Crying out, ya Allah! ya Rasulullah...
I have returned!
When Heche gave me The Hobbit poster last night (see earlier posting, He Hu Never Lets Us Sinners Down...), I was so happy. And I said to her later over the phone, "You know, I not only like this present. I am impressed!"
Even without seeing her face, I knew she would be smiling extra wide, with a sense of gratification. Gratification because she has always considered me a smart sort of fellow. Which is of course a mistake. For I don't think I am smart at all. For however much knowledge that I have been able to trawl from the ocean of knowledge, I still cannot answer this very simple question about Heche...
Why is she still with me?
After all, I am not rich, I am not good-looking. I am overweight and have serious health issues. I can be grumpy, especially when I am fasting. And I can be impatient with boring conversation.
I think until the day that I wheeze out my final sonorous breath, I will still have this question troubling me.
Oh well, at least then I can get to ask God. He would be able to answer, no doubt. And indeed, while I have the opportunity, I might also bother Him with these burning queries...
Why do You care and love me so?
How are You able to overlook all my sins?
How can You still attend to me when I have often left You?
Who am I that You see that I myself do not see?
I guess what little Knowledge, Love, Fortitude, Words and Breaths I have left shall continue to sustain me until that day.
So until then, walk with me, sunshine. And forgive me my contratemps, such as they shall be.
wa min Allaha at-taufiq
Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way