"Oh Me! What WAS I thinking?!" said God.

Love & Insanity
I took love into my embrace,
And I said “Thank you.”
To which love gently asked, “For what?”

I explained,
“For coming into my life”
Pausing before continuing,
“For I find sanity so overrated.”

Love shrugged off my embrace
With a response, “I hate you”
To which again I said,
“Thank you.”

Love and a Straight-Jacket. The fine apparel above in beige is what you call a straight-jacket. It is normally prescribed for what non-PC people would call loonies and crazies. I am not saying that such a jacket is the appropriate attire for people in love, but when you think back, you must recall at least one incident where you did something which in hindsight makes you cringe and wonder, “Oh my God, what WAS I thinking?!”

I wonder what God thinks when He looks back to the time He created Adam, and then Eve. Is He also going, “Oh Me (well… He can’t say oh my God, can He?), what WAS I thinking?”

Fortunately God is not like us mortals limited by time, cause and consequence. For He knows already how destiny would play out for all of us. And when you consider all the appalling things mankind have done, I think we must grasp the hope of a Divine Love and Plan that despite our continuing folly, God has not rubbed us out of existence, muttering to Himself, “Ah well… back to the drawing board…”

God is Perfect and can do no wrong. The good believers believe this, not because they have no choice in the matter. Not because they cling to the idea of His Perfection in a desperate effort to find some order in the random happenstances that appear to dot their lives. Not because of despair or sorrow do they turn to His Perfection. Not because of a historical momentum or indoctrination in religious dogma. Such people who bear witness to His Perfection had first witnessed His Love and His Beauty, and in such a state, Absolute Perfection is the most natural conclusion as to how they would see God. If you are one of them, you are truly blessed, though some people might think you are a suitable candidate for a straight-jacket.

Have a loveful day, pet.

Pax Taufiqa.

The Angel, the Jester, the Sinner & the Ultimate Law (it's Love)

"That looks yummy, old chum."

6. My Angels
Angels were looking on
With curiosity as I ate my roti canai.
So I said, “I am sorry I cannot offer you any.”
The Angels smiled and replied,
“Don’t worry, Taufiq. But we do
Appreciate you remembering us.”

THE ANGELS. I have a perfect relationship with Angels. When I talk they listen, and when they talk I only listen to what I want to hear. Trust me, you wouldn't want to listen to everything that they would love you to hear. Not when you are a sinner like me. But if you are not like me, then I guess it's fine. You can listen to their preachy sermons all the time because you are likely to be able to preach back! God bless all saints and sinners! (Btw, roti canai is kinda like pratha bread but sweeter, fluffier and more unhealthy - as all delicious foods are!)

"I am not listening! Lalalala! I am not listening! Lalalala!"

9. My Lord’s Fool
If I am judged a fool,
At least I am my Lord’s fool.
If I am judged a jester,
At least I am my Lord’s jester.

So please, any problems,
Talk to my King.

He’s not answering back?
Well, try not to be so boring!

THE JESTER. It is the testament of my earlier life that I found religion (especially mine) to be dull, boring, monotonous and gloomy. It is only after encountering an assortment of sufis, I finally found the colour, the taste, the music, the pictures, the smiles, the laughter, the bitterness, the sweetness, the passion, the humour, the beauty, the tears and the love story which is part of the traditional schools and orders of Islam. This jewel, this treasure trove of the Divine Presence and Prophetic Beauty is sometimes so distinct from the humdrum religion-by-rota learning prevalent amongst my brethren that I sometimes ask myself, "What the heck is going on!?"

THE ULTIMATE LAW OF GOD IS LOVE. But I know the answer - it is the play of God the Delicate, God the Sublime, God the Ever-interesting and Never-boring as He consorts with his creation, however high and noble or however low and ridiculous His servants may be. The challenge in the last line of the poem is not intended towards you, sunshine. It is intended towards those who are trying to drag us back to the hide-bound and rule-bound approach towards faith. Oh, it is fine if what they preach are God's Rules. But they are not preaching God's Rules, simply because they have enclosed the ultimate Law of God, which is Love within the confines of their narrow and often prejudiced minds. You are on a different path.

Hmm... the sinner contemplates.

11. Contemplating and Sinning
I can contemplate sin
With great vigor,
Until there is nothing
To distinguish between
Contemplating and sinning.

It would have been better
For me to have merely
Ignored sin.

But then, I would not be a sinner,
And this book would not be called
The Sinners’ Almanac.

SINNERS HAVE A DIVINE PURPOSE. Well, ultimately we are as we are, and nobody can change us. Not unless we ourselves want to change. I guess I could be a better person, a better human being. But you know, I am not fatalistic or have some emo-gothic wish to be flung into the pits of damnation. Oh no. I only want the Divine Presence and the Prophet. "Why should this be given to a sinner?", they ask. But that is the whole point. If God only lets in super-saints and holy prophets, then when is God exhibiting His attributes as the Most Compassionate and Most Merciful? Yes, sunshine. Sinners are here for a purpose. And if you are one (like me), don't you forget it. And don't let the world make you forget it. This is a thought to smile about, isn't it?

Have a lovely Monday, pet.

Pax Taufiqa.

So-Called Jihad and the Mill of Despair & Sorrow

THE MILL OF DESPAIR AND SORROW. When Osama was killed yesterday it was big news. The American celebration was aired the world over. I did not watch it, but my brother tells me that it was as if America has won its World War III. I am reluctant to say this but the war has not been won. Osama, despite his super stardom, was just one of many crazies manufactured from the mill of despair and sorrow. And the mill is still churning them out every day.

REACTION TO THE NEWS. When news of his death arrived in my country, there was basically 3 Muslim reactions. Firstly and in the minority, were Muslims who found relief (and posted / tweeted about it) that a man who has been defaming the faith of Islam through his warmongering and terror tactics is finally kaput. I fall in this category. The second and largest reaction were the silent ones. Making no tweets, nor posting any comments or status on Facebook, they appear disinterested in this Saudi's demise. The third category were people who flooded the blogs, tweetdom and Facebook with slogans of the neverending Jihad, deploring the killing of Osama, and appearing to revere him as some sort of Martyr. They are not the majority by a long short, but their numbers are not small either. This bugs me no end. It bugs me because they have no notion of what the al-Qaeda, Taliban and other near regional loonies have planned if they were to say... govern this country. The same people who said 'God bless Osama's soul' will be the first to buy a ticket out of Malaysia, if these gentlemen ever export their brand of control to this country.

SO WHAT IF THERE'S A CONSPIRACY? - The idea, the image of Osama is already wrong. If what has perished is this idea of Osama and his distorted vision, and not an actual man named Osama, then so what? This man, and this so-called 'jihad' is a colossal deviation and distraction to the core of the Prophet's teaching. The way some people appease the militants, it's as if you need to freakin' die in battle to get to heaven. Closing their eyes to the simple fact that being blown to bits by a belt of C4 in a bus full of civilians, does not even fall in the category of 'dying in battle'. These folk's penchant for death and glory reminds me more of the Viking's wet dream for death in combat, the Valkyries and glorious Valhalla. What are they thinking about? I had a clue some years back... And this is what I would love to say to those who believe in the notion of a never-ending Jihad...

18. A Fish caught in the Net (with Poon)
I have no faith
In this abrahamic tribal war god of yours.

MACHISMO & THE AK-47. I wish they would stop looking for this fictitious war god, and stick to the essential Quran and the Traditions of the Prophet when seeking for God the Beautiful. I wish they would look for God the ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim (Most Compassionate & Most Merciful) as how God Himself said He loved to be known as. And not be taken in by man's inclination to despair and brutal hubris - Instead of beauty they are choosing ugliness. Instead of the scholar's pen, they prefer the AK-47. Instead of the heart & conscience, they choose bombs & assassinations. Instead of Mercy, they choose revenge. And instead of the sublime delicacy of the Prophet, they choose envy, anger and machismo. *Sigh* For all our sakes, may they never find what they are looking for...

79. Who is this God?
This God you seek is not the God that I seek,
I seek the Merciful One at His Mercy Door,
Those tears you weep are not the tears I weep,
May you never find this God
That you are foolishly looking for.

Pax Taufiqa, sunshine.

The Key to Happiness Now is to Know Your Lord Now - and not after you have shaked hands and rubbed noses with Mr. Death

1. Your Lord is the One and the Unique.
Your Lord is the One and the Unique,
And He is gazing upon you in all time,
In your past, present and future,
In your life and in your afterlife.

Do you think your personality
Will change in your afterlife?

If you feel misery now,
Will you not feel misery later?

If you feel happy now,
Will you not feel happy later?

If God is the Lord of Happiness of the hereafter.
Is He not the Lord of Happiness in this life?
Remember, when He gazes upon you,
It is all of you, you one second ago,
You two years in the future, you in heaven,
You before you were born, you in all times.

If you are sad, depressed now,
If you are fearful,
If your are jealous and full of envy,
If you are intolerant and
Full of miserable curses,
If you find this life untenable,
And that life is unfair,
Are you not denying your Lord’s attribute?
Complaining, “He does not love me,
Otherwise He would not treat me this way!”

So, do think of heaven, if it pleases you,
But remember, here and always,
That you will always be you,
And God will always be God.

And if you find contradictions
In what God is and what God
Appears to do to you,
Then remember, it is you
Who are in contradictions,
And not God.

That is the key to happiness,
To knowing your Lord.

It is good to have your eye for happiness in the hereafter. But if you are unhappy now, do you think you shall be happy after you shake hands and rub noses with Mr. Death? If you are not pleased by what God has granted you right now, will you ever be pleased by what is on offer in the shop windows of Heaven? If you are not satisfied now, if envy colours your world, if jealousy is your master, good heavens, how will you live without them in the next chapter of your soul? I am saying this as a marker to myself today, to remind this old sinner to stop bitching and complaining. And to see in my son's eyes (Mika has a bit of fever and is missing school today) my happiness vouched for me already from the moment my soul was pulled from nothingness till today, and Godwilling for an eternity of todays!

God bless you, sunshine, for all that you are to me.

Pax Taufiqa.

The Sinners' Dictionary - Humanity means...

It is easy to be self-obsessed. I always believe that it is good to take the world seriously, but it is sometimes necessary for us to take ourselves not too seriously. To be able to climb out of our skin, take a good look at ourselves... and smile, laugh or snigger. Really, we are truly amazing in our ability of deluding ourselves and giving ourselves delusions of importance. If we make a mistake, if we commit an error (and who hasn't), isn't it a bright idea to be able to look in the mirror and say, "Taufiq (assuming the name of the culprit is Taufiq), you fool... Now don't you look silly?", instead of saay... beating ourselves on the head and diving into the pit of self-loathing?

I am saying all this because I am prone to both - self-obsession and self-loathing. Someone told me that the trick is to be neither. To live as is, to take things one time at a time, but to be cool and composed at all times. (Is there a prescription drug I can take to be that? Hehehe) But seriously now, We cannot be Superman and we are not Spider-man. We are just human... and sometimes, that is the most hardest thing to be. Human. Which brings me to the Sinners' Dictionary's definition of humanity (wow. I am glad that this rambling posting has a logical end. Hehehe)

73. HU-man-ity
I always believed that
Man was just man.
Until HU came
And changed man into HUman.
Then HU made me see,
That from Ahmad’s single Nur
Came plurality,
Thus, HUman became HUmanity.
..............................

Hu also means 'He' as in God. Ahmad is another name of the Prophet Muhammad. There is some mystical meaning to the name but let's save that exposition for some other time, okay? Thank you for your patience, pet. And may you be a good human being. As always, you lead and I will follow (even if its at a distance and in my normal lazy pace)

Its been a wet (what else) and warm Monday here in Kuala Lumpur. How's your day been, sunshine?

Pax Taufiqa.

GOD - The Friend of Friends

54. I am here, because you are here
I found myself
In the abyss
Of long shadows,

And next to me
Was my friend,

I told him to go,
To leave me be
With my ghosts
And demons.

But he would not.

I asked him
What was he doing here,
And he replied that
He was here because
I was here.

If I have failed
To take pity
Of myself,
I felt pity
For my friend,
For this is
Not his doom.

So I made my way up,
And together, we
Reached our home,
Away from the abyss
Of long shadows.

Finally we won
The sunlight
Of the Prophet’s pleasure,
And we stood awhile,
Resting upon the Beloved’s Moon,

Then my friend
Looked at me and smiled,
Saying this to me,
“Nor was it your doom, o’ Taufiq”.

Sometimes, the best way to help yourself is to help someone else. And there is no jewel, no gift, no gold from heaven's trove finer, more delicate and robust than friendship. And often we are saved by our friends in spite of our reluctance to be saved! Oohh... what a drama queen we can be sometimes!

If you look closely between the threads woven by the Loom of Fate, how have we not realised that our friends are God's own direct intervention into our lives? For God is known by many names, and He is also known as the Friend of Friends. God bless God, and God bless our beloved friends! Our BFFs!

So, as I habitually ask you, sunshine - If you share the same sentiments as I do about your friends, how can it be that we are not, in truth, brothers and sisters?

Pax Taufiqa.

PS - The sketch above was done maybe 6 years ago, and long have I wondered when I would use it. It's one of my fav and I hope you like it! Just to be clear, the picture depicts the man behind, stopping the man in front from jumping into the abyss... You can guess which one is me. Hehehe.

Unity of Religion, Moderation and Tolerance

13. Moderation
If you choose moderation,
You must be moderate
To those who are not.
And not let your understanding
Lead you to become
What you oppose.

..................

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MODERATION. I get moderation. But oh, in so many aspects of my life I am immoderate... my temper (especially while sharing the road with idiotic drivers - see!), my liberal food consumption, my cigarettes... all these bad things I do... I do it immoderately well.

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While talking to an old buddy of mine last night, the topic spanned into Islam, secularism, the OIC, belief and how religion has been co-opted into the politial mainstream. This I hope to write about later. What I wish to share with you is when he accused me of being tolerant of other faiths!

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GOD LABELS. I guess you could say that I am understanding. Indeed what brought this up is when I said that when it comes to dealing with your co-religionists, it is important for you, whether you are Christian, Jewish or Hindu to support and conform to the forms and labels of your religion. After all, that is the distinguishing fact by which you build unity and brotherhood within your faith. On the other hand, when it comes to interaction with other faiths, what is important to highlight is not the forms and labels - but rather the commonly held belief behind the different names and forms by which the One God is worshipped in different creeds. Common beliefs like steadfastness, patience, kindness, charity, love and compassion. These things by which God is recognised and devotedly worshipped and loved by a Rabbi, a Reverend or a Buddhist Abbot.

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IF IT IS EASY IS IT TOLERANCE? But can you say that I am tolerant? For me (and I may be mistaken), tolerance means that there is some will or conscious decision on your part - an inner struggle to accept/tolerate what does not conform to your personal world view. But the pluralism which underlies my belief in the Quranic message of Unity of Religion (see earlier posting on Mawlana Abul Kalam Azad's writings on this -Click Here) is not the conclusion of intellectual thought. It is an overwhelming feeling. So I do not have to struggle to be 'tolerant'. It just happens.

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Oh well, who cares, sunshine. After all, isn't my obsession is in the meaning behind the words and not the words themselves? So what does it matter by which names you and I are called... when in Truth, I only hope to follow your good example - united in worship to the Absolutely One God Almighty.

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Have a delightedful Monday, pet.

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Pax Taufiqa

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Picture - It is the Church of the Transfiguration, in Blue Mountain Lake, New York. I just thought it looked beautiful in a cozy sorta way.

The Throne of God, the Noble Hope & Divine Surprises

SURPRISE, GOD! There is no way of surprising God. After all, all things are fated to happen. And fate is in God’s hand… so no surprises there, sunshine.
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BAD SURPRISES. But I wish I could just for once, surprise God. With a happy one, mind you, and not one of those “I CAN’T believe that you just did that, Taufiq!” kinda surprise Oh no, when it comes to bad / stupid stuffs that I have done, I am an expert.
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VERSE OF THE THRONE. It is not fair, I think. After all, God gets to surprise us ALL THE TIME. But I guess, we need him to be 24/7 in the know, otherwise, who can imagine what sort of mess we will get ourselves into. My friend commented to me that I should refer to the holy scriptures once in a while… okaaay. So this is the ayatul-kursi (Verse of the Throne) which kinda makes it plain and clear that God is Ever Vigilant and Ever in the Know…
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[2.255] Allah (God)* is He besides Whom there is no god, the Everliving, the Self-subsisting by Whom all subsist; slumber does not overtake Him nor sleep; whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth is His; who is he that can intercede with Him but by His permission? He knows what is before them and what is behind them, and they cannot comprehend anything out of His knowledge except what He pleases, His knowledge (throne) extends over the heavens and the earth, and the preservation of them both tires Him not, and He is the Most High, the Great.
(*my insert)

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I took some pictures of Mika yesterday. I think he is one of the most beautiful surprises that God has given me in my entire life. And the great thing is that it is a gift given to me each and every day when I see him.

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Mikhail brought up the world map to show me exactly which countries he wants to conquer. As you can see he cannot make up his mind. But for some strange reason he admires Canada of all countries.

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THE NOBLE HOPE. We all feel this way to our children. At the end of the day, what we want is to simply leave this world with the knowledge that we have somehow left it a better place for our children. I am sure we are all holding unto this Noble Hope… Guys like Dennis Piker of North Dakota who continues to be an inspiration safely held in my heart and memory. It was he who uttered the noble hope to me, some 5 years ago in Bismark, North Dakota.

Pax Taufiqa.

Footnote: I have been wanting to share this... I make fun, I Facebook-poke at angels and twist the beards of saints. I approach God and creation without proper levity. But the truth is... Although I am a lone pen in a billion upon billion of pens out there, I take what I write seriously. So... for you who read my almost-twice daily postings... Thank you. Thank you so very much for giving me a little space in the corner of your mind, a little hospitality in the saloon of your soul. May God reward you the kindness you have shown to this sinner and his ramblings.

God is the Anticipation of All that is Beautiful, Good and Wonderous!

36. Soul’s Winter
O’ ye who have strayed and lost thyself!
God has plucked the Good in thee
And deposited it into the care of another.
If thee wishes to find it,
Look for a man in whose heart enters no winter.

With him shall thou recall
The gentler seasons and good
That is in us all.
........................

EVERYBODY DESERVES A MASTER. The above poem, from the chapter 2 entitled 'the Dam.Munir.Ana' was written 7 years ago. It is not talking just about any person, but about a spiritual master. Before I fell into the rabbit-hole that is mysticism, I was taught that Islam is easy, and that by my own rationality I would be able to be a good Muslim.

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ISLAM IS EASY but human beings are complex (and often confused) creatures. How will I ever be a good Muslim if I am not a good human being to begin with? We have to start somewhere, and where else could we start but with our own selves. Who we are, what we are, and how we relate to other people and ultimately our Creator. Directly or indirectly, I found this inquiry answered by the Master and the Masters, who are able to stand apart from me and tell me, "O' Taufiq, this is what you are!" Then they would continue, "You can be so much better!"

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I HAVE NOT CHANGED ONE BIT. GOD HAS. More than a decade on, have I changed at all? No, I am still me... the despicable sinner. But God? Ahh... God, He has changed in my eyes - what I thought I knew, how little did I know... and now I know absolutely nothing of Him! Every day He is a Wonderous Sight, Unseen but Felt. So I can never say what God truly is presently save that God is the Anticipation of All that is Beautiful, Good and Wonderous. That has changed for me, but not me. And that is the best lesson that the Masters have taught (so far). Ya Huuuu!

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Have a lovely Sunday, sunshine. May God save the Japanese. And speed the rescue of the living and grace for those who have already return unto Him. Amen.

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Pax Taufiqa

Japanese Tsunami and the Apparent Arbitrariness of Life

TWEETER : TSUNAMI IN JAPAN. In Malaysia, thousands of twitters expressing support, condolences and prayers for the Japanese people shot into the cyberspace, within minutes of the news of the tsunami went online. And across the globe, I am sure millions of tweets shared the same feeling of empathy and worry. With about 4,000 Malaysians registered with our embassy in Tokyo, there are probably now hundreds or perhaps thousands of families here, still worrying about their relatives or friends still as yet uncontactable. The main problem is that it is currently the universities semester break in Japan now. So some students and their families are out of town, possibly in other prefectures. In such stressful circumstances the tweets of sympathy keeps me faithful in the inate goodness of mankind.

But some tweets are also saying that the Tsunami is an Act of God.

ARBITRARY GOD? What are they suggesting when they tweet such words? Are they suggesting that God is arbitrary and He doesn’t care at all how many people die and suffer in every natural tragedy that has struck mankind? I cannot accept that.

GOD'S JUDGMENT? Or are they implying that for some reason, the people pummeled by the waves somehow deserves it? A holy judgment enforced by sea water? It is not God that is judging.. it is them. So that too I cannot accept.

I too find myself pondering over why some countries appear to be hit again and again by nature while climates in other countries are relatively docile.

I guess I cannot stop people from saying it is an act of God, since really nothing happens without the Will of God. I actually object the context in which it was said / tweeted. For me, in reference to God’s Will… only those actually involved in rescuing and consoling the victims can say such words…

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It is the Will of God that it happened.
It is also the Will of God that I am here.
Let me help you.

For the rest of mankind who are not directly involved in the emergency efforts - We should just pray to the Almighty for the succor and rescue of the Japanese people in this tsunami and hold back all other unnecessary comments.

May God save the Japanese people.

Pax Taufiqa.

Objectivity? What Objectivity? Part 2

(Please click on picture if unreadable)

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What I write here is essentially about the same thing.

There is always continuity in the contradictions that I record.

As there are always contradictions in the continuity that I see in the symmetry of Creation.

On some days, the sky will be blue, on other days it may be red with rage or purple royal.

80. Contradictions – What, Me Worry?
You worry of contradictions,
But what ocean does not have waves,
Ripples and tides,
Ebbing to and fro,
On the shores of man?

What I mean will never be one singular meaning.

There are at least four variables that will change the meaning of what is written here (see above).

It is not the cruelty of an arbitrary Lord, though God has all entitlement to treat us so.

It is the highest nobility of His Mercy, that will change whatever that needs changing for you to find yourself, and within you, the Throne of the Master.

Such is the Lord that I have found. Straight and Circular as He pleases, Apparent and Hidden as He wishes, Intimate and Awesome as He desires.

79. Ocean’s Edge
I am standing at the Ocean’s edge,
Barely a rumour of purpose,
Surrounded by echoes of life
That reverberates from sunlit hilltops
To sand dunes and seabeds.

Trusted with the keepsakes and mementos
Of a love defined
By a Lord inexplicable
To His servants.

Sharing gasps of existence,
As they read signs and similitude
Of their Creator
Who bends the straightest path
Into an arch, then
Into a mighty circle.
……….

Have a splendid Sunday. I just felt like writing again today, pet.

Pax Taufiqa.

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Part 1 Click Here