LET LOVE WRITE YOUR LIFE - sadness, God and surrender

Only One

I save my most bitter regrets for my Lord,

For only He has an infinite mercy ocean for me,

I save my saddest tears for my Lord,

For only He knows me best and

Only He can attend to my sadness most consummately,

I save my greatest hope and dreams for my Lord,

For to make them all come through for me,

He need only to say 'Be!' and it is done,

But lo, His cherished hope for me is greater

Than I shall ever know, so He does as He wishes,

This is my Lord, God, the Truth, the One!

..................................

We learn many things in happiness. But we also learn a great deal through sadness. And the trail of tears that has dotted my life's path has taken me to strange beautiful places. Into the eye of the whirling dervishes. Into the congregation of the lovers of Muhammad (s.a.w.s.). Into the smiling gaze of a saint. Into the embrace of a Friend of God.

I light my own fire of regrets. But Allah (s.w.t.) sends the rain. Sometimes like gentle summer drizzle, a golden shower. Sometimes like the thundering clap of the monsoon storm, flooding my world. 

Funny. I wanted to write something else, but these words appear. It reminds me of an old poem recorded almost 10 years ago...

94. Nib

I am the nib of the pen,

The ink in the well,

The paper You hold in Your Hand,

But what You will write, my Love,

I cannot foretell.

Have a lovely weekend, sunshine. Let Love Write Your Life.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Hypocrite and the Sheep of the Sufis - The Prophet and his Saints are hard on your trail, o' seeker!

A Candle in the Cold Cosmos

You are the rider without a horse,

You have a guide but you are lost,

You are the bitter cold of a winter frost,

Love shows the way but you often pause...

You are a candle burning bright

In a dark and cold cosmos.

…………………………

I sometimes think that my friends are too hard on themselves. "I don't pray enough." they say. "I want to be nothing but just a mureed (student) to the Shaykh but I cannot." they confess. "I am ashamed to call myself a mureed..." And on and on and on The Sheep of the Sufis bleat and cry. He he he.

Umar and the Hypocrite. Once upon a time, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was talking (I say talk because my scent of the Prophet is that 'preaching' or 'sermonizing' is simply not his credo) to a congregation of his Companions about the characteristics of a hypocrite, that damnable and cowardly class of snakes in  society. Then suddenly, a Companion trembling, rose amongst the crowd, and said with great anguish, "O' Prophet of God, if that is so then I am a hypocrite!"

Umar, the great warrior and Companion looked up and asked permission from the Prophet (pbuh) to perform an urgent surgery to separate the head from the torso of the self-confessed hypocrite, "O' Prophet, permission to cut off this hypocrite's head!"

The Prophet (who I like to think smiled at this point) answered his fiery friend, "No, Umar. Someone who confesses to being a hypocrite is not a hypocrite.."

So you see, when I listen to the little story of woe and regret from my friends, I cannot but smile too, thinking... Oh you poor fool. You doth protest too much. We are all sheep needing guidance, and it is sometimes good to be lost. For that is when you attract the attention of the Beloved Prophet and his Saints.

The real problem is when people who are lost do not know they are lost. Now that is a different kettle of fish altogether. But if you have confessed to your own self of your utter ineptitude and stupidity, and yea, even your hypocritical allegiances to God, regretting bitterly how weak and undeserving you are... how can you be lost?

I know this kinda doesn't make sense, but there is an old saying that speaks volumes of the life-long journey to enlightenment and the beautiful path that God and His Prophet (pbuh) is calling unto all humanity - 

If you know you are weak, 

You are not weak, 

If you know you are lost, 

You are not lost.

Have a lovely day, sunshine. And if you are a weak and lost sheep like my friend and myself, do not worry too much. For hard on the scent of your trail is the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), his Companions and Saints - the Master of Mercy and Shepherds of God. And they are determined with divine earnestness never to lose any of their flock. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

The Blame Game, Joy and Sadness and the Presence of God in your heart - contemplation of love b.c. and a.c. ( before coffee and after coffee)

1. Sorrow and joy to God 

I must admit to you, o’ seekers, 

It is sometimes through sorrow 

That we learn of our Lord. 

Although perhaps we may wish 

For only joy to be the means 

By which we understand Him. 

Sorrow or joy, does it really matter? 

When both paths 
Lead to Him? 

................... 

Forgive me, sunshine. I must have been in a real gloom the day I recorded the above prose some 3 years ago. He he he. I think I was heart-broken. At least momentarily. But I (being a sinner) have little patience, you see. Not willing to keep it all in and just wait and see. 

I guess being a writer means I must find some avenue to vent my sadness and frustration. Whether I am with Him, against Him, or in some sort of ambivalent association, whether I am sad or angry, bitter or happy, depressed or joyful, it has all been about God. 

Like this morning. I went to bed last night feeling quite healthy really. Then I wake up this morning with some aches and sore limbs. "Why God? Whyyyy...?", I whined as I made my way gingerly down the staircase. He he he. But now it is different. With the caffeine coursing through my veins, breakfast already safely deposited in my stomach, I feel quite chirpy actually. And the aches are gone. Like magic.

After morning coffee and some reflection I think
I can conquer the world. Or at least get up
without feeling so achy and sore. 

So lest I forget, let me register my appreciation with God right here and now... 

Dear God...

Thank You, God. 

If in my forgetfulness, 

I blame You for EVERYTHING. 

When in my wakefulness 

The least I could do is 

To thank You for EVERYTHING. 

.............................

He he he. 

Have a lovely day, sunshine. And stop whining so much. 

He he he. 

Wa min Allah at-taufiq 

Hate has no place in Islam 

Love will show the Way

A Bottle of Whine Served at the Table of God, The Friend of Friends

The Best Whine

The best whine

Comes not from the

Cellars of the Wise

But from the dungeons

Of the brokenhearted.

God listens all the time

To the troubled and sorrowful,

Taking in that particular whine

Seeded in our expectations,

Harvested in our disappointments

And matured in casks of regret

That all mankind nurture

In the valley of

The human heart.

In the earlier posting entitled Cure for a Broken Heart and the Whining Sinner (Click Here), I ended it thus, "You must not be like me, sunshine. Don't be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner."

After publishing the post, I felt that perhaps I was a little harsh. After all, at some point in our lives, we ALL whine. The topic of the complaint may be as trivial as the neighbour's dog barking at night (Woof! Woof! Woof!), someone leaving some dirty dishes in the sink (Arghhh!), or it could be as devastating as a divorce or the passing of a loved one. Who knows what sort of calamity that would trigger our despondency and gloom?

Nobody likes a whiner, but everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes. And when you find that someone who is willing to offer his/her shoulder for you to unburden your regrets and disappointments... well, they are really gems of humanity. As Denise commented in the earlier posting, "...But those who allow us to whine a bit are such precious friends."

And I also believe that even when there is no one around, there is still God, our One Creator. He made us, and thus He very well knows, even better than our closest soul-mate, our strengths and weaknesses. Even if your partner-in-crime will not or is not around to listen to your troubles, God can and He does. For God is not deaf, especially to those who needs Him the most. People like us, you know... sinners with holes like Swiss cheese. 

Assuming that you do not want to unburden yourself to the Invisible God... you can still ask Him to send you a friend. I have no doubt that God will respond and despatch you a compadre, a comrade and hombre to commiserate and perhaps even help you. For don't you know?... God is not just God, He is also the Friend of Friends.

Have a friendly day, sunshine.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Cure for a Broken Heart and the Whining Sinner

Shattered Utterly

I am looking at myself,

In broken pieces on the floor.

For I fell, you see,

And I am shattered.

And for the sadness

Engulfing me?

I can find no word.

So I just sigh, thinking,

Oh folly, where have you led me?

Oh friend, why did you turn on me?

Oh pain, why did you befriend me?

Oh love, why did you leave me?

For I fell, you see.

And I am shattered

Utterly.

How come nobody has come up with an instant cure for heartbreaks? How I wish I could discover one. Wow, I bet would make millions... or even gazillions. I guess when it comes to heartbreaks, the old adage runs true and that only time is the healer, the band-aid to seal the wound and make us whole again. 

Sadly, I have no patience. But fortunately, God has decided that this Taufiq fellow is absolutely hopeless, and has thus decided, on His own Majestic discretion, to fill my life with people who are patient. Individuals who remain calm, circumspect and sensible in the face of the most trying of personal tragedies. In the sort of circumstances that would unhinge the most balanced of minds, they appear to be the calm eye in the tornado. Ah, I am sure you know of such people in your own lives. Now if only I would follow their good examples!

17. Support

If Thou do not avail us in our need, who can?

If Thou do not turn Thy gaze into our hearts, who will?

O’ Lord, look! And heal our broken hearts and broken lives

In our destiny and meaning that is Thee only.

Oh, whither did my breath go not glorifying Thee?

Oh, whither did my feet take me if not to Thee?

I am a true coward that way. I get distracted and attached to this world, I forget God and I also forget to be nice until finally something not nice happens to me and my heart gets broken - Then I go running back to God, bitterly regretting each second that I was forgetful of His Presence and Presents.... "Oh, wither did my breath go not glorifying Thee? Oh, whither did my feet take me if not to Thee...?"  

You must not be like me, sunshine. Don't be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

... And the World is in need of You

23. Judging self
We are taught
To judge ourselves,
But have care that
You do not judge yourself
And in your zeal,
You inadvertently
Punish someone else.

That is not wisdom,
It is self-conceit,
Alas, a common error
Stumbling the most
Earnest of seekers.

A little of regret is good, but don't go beating yourself over the head too much, sunshine. For there may be (indeed, there always is...) someone in need of your attention and compassion - your son, your daughter, your employee, your auntie, your mum and dad, your cat, your girlfriend, etc.. Cast aside your doubt, for you are a wonderful person. And the world is in need of you. Happy or sad, the world turns with no care to our feelings, so let us walk along the path of servanthood, the most true state of reality and perception, where things simply 'is' and happiness or sadness is nothing but a dress which we can wear and shed as we wish. Amen.

Until tomorrow morning, God bless.

Pax Taufiqa

Today, my Friend returned to the Friend of Friends (aka God)

Today a friend passed away. But I don't like that phrase. Neither do I like 'moved on' or even 'went to a better place'. It's as if he has decided to pack up and move to one of those fancy gated communities. And certainly not 'died'. "Died" and "death" has such a fatal and final ring, don't you think?

Death is not final. Death is a door, an event through which we participate for a moment. Then death is no more, not for my friend, nor for us whom he has left to endure in our mortal coil. For us death is the eventuality guaranteed by our birth. So we wait.

My friend? Ah, he was one of those vibrant beautiful souls. Before he moved away from my neighbourhood, we used to meet pretty often at our local coffee shop. Sometimes early in the morning, and other times late at night (to catch his favourite English soccer team, Arsenal, on TV).

He was kind, he was patient and honest. But more than that, for the sinner he was certainly one of the most entertaining person I have ever met. I shall not talk much about him. It's not as if he has left for anywhere. For in my heart he shall always be my amazing friend. May God, the Friend of Friends, bless his sweet smiling soul, as how I still remember him to be...

9. Friendship
Friendship is the remembering of kindness,
The forgetting of slights,
The praising of virtues,
And the acceptance of failings.
It is the meeting off two soul-birds who greet each other;
“Come as you are for I want neither more nor less of you,
And I shall come as myself, as in truth, your servant.”

My only sadness is that I was not a better friend. Such is the sorrow of a sinner, you see - when it comes to love and friendship, we shall always be debtors... never having requited in full the love given to us. May God forgive my deficit, and bless my friends...

So do not be like me, sunshine. Be a great friend to your friends.

Pax.

GOD - The Friend of Friends

54. I am here, because you are here
I found myself
In the abyss
Of long shadows,

And next to me
Was my friend,

I told him to go,
To leave me be
With my ghosts
And demons.

But he would not.

I asked him
What was he doing here,
And he replied that
He was here because
I was here.

If I have failed
To take pity
Of myself,
I felt pity
For my friend,
For this is
Not his doom.

So I made my way up,
And together, we
Reached our home,
Away from the abyss
Of long shadows.

Finally we won
The sunlight
Of the Prophet’s pleasure,
And we stood awhile,
Resting upon the Beloved’s Moon,

Then my friend
Looked at me and smiled,
Saying this to me,
“Nor was it your doom, o’ Taufiq”.

Sometimes, the best way to help yourself is to help someone else. And there is no jewel, no gift, no gold from heaven's trove finer, more delicate and robust than friendship. And often we are saved by our friends in spite of our reluctance to be saved! Oohh... what a drama queen we can be sometimes!

If you look closely between the threads woven by the Loom of Fate, how have we not realised that our friends are God's own direct intervention into our lives? For God is known by many names, and He is also known as the Friend of Friends. God bless God, and God bless our beloved friends! Our BFFs!

So, as I habitually ask you, sunshine - If you share the same sentiments as I do about your friends, how can it be that we are not, in truth, brothers and sisters?

Pax Taufiqa.

PS - The sketch above was done maybe 6 years ago, and long have I wondered when I would use it. It's one of my fav and I hope you like it! Just to be clear, the picture depicts the man behind, stopping the man in front from jumping into the abyss... You can guess which one is me. Hehehe.