Your life is a like a ship in a vast sea. And you have a stowaway... Me!

Dear readers,

You are quite lucky to have the very best of me. You don’t have to deal with me on a daily basis, you know. Not with the real me, just my writings. You don’t have to see me at my worse, for I can be cold, hard and cruel. And I can be impatient too. You don’t have to see my face when it is most smug, nor see me turn away, uncaring.

You don’t have to look into my eyes and see envy, and you don’t have to see me eating alone, a glutton. You do not see me disappointing people, being irresponsible and foolish in my 41st year of my life. What you get here is a sanitized version of my life. It is surely the greatest joke that at the end of it all, at the highest apex of my representation to you, all I want to be, all I believe I can ever achieve, is to be a good sinner.

Heche says I write well. But I have stumbled into a sea of melancholy and it is gripping me. I am so melancholic I almost feel French. I hear they are rather good at it.

What do I do, sunshine? What do I do when my writing is better than my living? I must admit that perhaps this blog is a form of escapism. A mad avenue for me to compensate for my real life’s shortcomings. I write and readers read, it almost feels real. Surely it must be real. But is it?

I do not want to waste this posting entirely on melancholy. I love garlic, and I think Paris is very beautiful… but this is not me. Let me trawl my old prose and see what I can come up with. Wait a minute, will you?

Hi, sunshine. Thanks for waiting. I found a rather sweetot little prose which even has a date in it, it sounds rather like this…

12. I am aglow
I am aglow with happiness,
For a sun has risen on my landscape,
And he is shining into every nook and corner,
Banishing the dark that once shadowed me.

Lest, I forget, let me remember this day,
That on the 9th of February 2008,
I felt myself a sailor on a good ship,
With a good breeze behind the sails,
And a good captain at the wheel.

Me and my mates,
Near and far,
I may not see as they see,
And I may not feel as they feel,
But the salty taste in the air is our common communion,
And we know that we are on a sea journey,
Together, traversing an ocean of mercy,
Together, harvesting pearls of wisdom
From her bosom.

I guess its true what the prose says. We are in this journey together. Even if you can only know me through my writings, we are in the same ship called planet Earth. But for a lot of you, you will probably never get to see me. And is shall never have the delight to meet you. Anyways, I am a little tired today, world-weary and confined to my cabin.

So today I leave you to live your life as you wish. To guide your life by that North Star that men call conscience. Sail your life well, sunshine, for wherever you are taking your ship to, you are taking me there too. I will also try to live my life better, sweetness. For wherever I am going, so long as you read my writings, so long as you are sharing my life, I am bringing you with me.

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Pax Taufiqa.

Why Evil Exists, and why Believers like you need Sinners like me. *evil laughter*

Why is the propensity of evil permitted to exist? Because only through these soulful examinations can we show true devotion – devotions which would gleam with the inner iridescence of precious stones, to illuminate lives of other man and beings- Does man not reflect on how the most beautiful and valuable gemstones are bred through the gripping pressure of earth and time. How after eons of subjugation beneath the soil, from dark and blackened coal, diamonds are born? My kind readers, we are the coals, the weight of the mountains bearing upon them are the challenges we face in this life, and to become diamonds and adorn the hand of the Prophet (Pbuh) our most-sought end (should only we knew better), so that the Prophet(Pbuh) may say in His presence; O’ Lord Most Forbearing, look at my people, are they not beautiful in their devotion and gratitude to You? Are they not shining in their trusteeship of the trust You have settled upon them? Do their brows not shimmer in devout humility to You? O’ Lord, be pleased unto them, as I am unto them!
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(….Perhaps another sad analogy that can be drawn as to why such small portion of creation constitute these precious stones)
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Everything is known by its opposites. What is spoken love if not put to the test? Empty words of no consequences! Better to attempt to inscribe it on running water than to suggest that its verbal declaration suffices as proof. Bring me a man or woman who has never suffered a betrayal by another who professes love or friendship, then would I entertain such mortal fancies! Devotion, love, appreciation, empathy, forgiveness, understanding and all such high ideals only ennoble man by its adherence regardless. Virtue is only affirmed by a challenge to its pre-supposed eminence in the heart of its holder. We may discern such truths from the play of darkness and light; How do we shine if there is no darkness to shine through? How can we recognize light and say; “that is light!” if no shadow lies by its fringes and no outline marks its borders? How would you recognize a good man without knowing a bad one(or at least an idea of what constitutes a bad person) in comparison. The Maulana Sheikh Nazim al-Qubrusi speaks in a chapter entitled ‘Everything Is Known By Its Opposites’ thus; “Everyone is appointed to an important position in this life, and just as more aspects of light are absorbed into the consciousness by means of the awareness of darkness, so is the wisdom of the believer sharpened by the existence of wretched individuals”.
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If all the heavens stayed bright and clear, and there is no night, who would appreciate the luminous and Blessed stars that dot the twilight sky? Herein lies beauty and many abject truths, so reflect o’ lovers of the Light and Love;

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“Blessed is He Who made constellations in the skies, and placed therein a Lamp and a moon giving light.

And it is He Who made the night and the day to follow each other: for such as desire to be mindful or to show their gratitude (Al-Furqan, 25:61-62) ”

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The above is an extract from the uncompleted unpublished book (circa 2001) of mine entitled "THIS WORLD IS MY MOSQUE - A Walk Through a Twilight Forest under a Crescent Moon", which was earlier touched on in the posting entitled Mawlana Abul Kalam Azad Part 2 (Click Here). I was such a serious little fella back then. Or at least I used to write in such a vein. Now I appear to be writing in the vein of the grape vine, replacing water with wine, pomposity with levity. Ah, what a wretched sinnerI am! Ya Huu!

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God bless you, sunshine. May your virtues shimmer like the full moon compared to the dusky grey template of my contradictions. Like the Maulana rightly pointed out, you know - You need sinners like this blogger to sharpen your true wisdom.

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Pax Taufiqa

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A NECESSARY POST SCRIPT (9 am, Saturday 5th Feb) - The idea of 'evil' has changed for me. 10 years on, it has become a far more subtle event, and it can hide in the many many folds of our mind. It has no sway in our hearts, I believe. And if evil is done, it is never because of the exhortations of our hearts, instead it is because we refuse to listen to our heart, obeying instead the whispering dictates of our ego and nafs - sometimes patently bad, but often disguised as the best of intentions... It is a delicate affair, my friends, being alive... may your inherent goodness guide you to a good and goodly life. And beware of the whispers!

5. Only Whispers
Evil, if you wish it a name,
Has no powers,
Only whispers.

(Poem from Chapter 26, 'Stay Clear' circa 2007)

Cheerleading is Divine Work for the Divine One

Last week I proceeded with the development of Mikhail's understanding about God (God help him that he has me for his papa. Hehehe). And about God's best pal, which for the Muslims, is the Prophet Muhammad (whom we sometimes refer to here as Nabi Muhammad). In an earlier posting entitled "Even the mightiest of trees began life in a tiny little seed" I mentioned how Mika says that his Boss is Nabi Muhammad and God. Or perhaps more theologically correct, God and Nabi Muhammad.

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Well, last week I mentioned to Mika that not only is God and Nabi Muhammad his Boss(es), they are also his cheerleader(s). After all, even if God is Lord over all creation, and the Numero Uno Master of the Universe(s), He is also your Most Loving, Most Kind and Most Compassionate. And in addition to that constellation of Mosts, God is also the Most Wise in Planning for Your Success, and, so long as you wish Him to be, Your Most Motivating Motivator, All-Cheering One, He Who possesses, beyond the highest love of even a father and mother, the belief that you can indeed be the best that you can be. He and His Prophet, They are at the sidelines of the pitch, cheering you on when you are running for the pass, cheering you on when you are down and injured. Cheering you on and saying Go! Go! Go! or perhaps also Medic! Medic! Medic!

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I share this with you, o' Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Wiccans and Trekkies, because I can. Because beyond the label of 'God' and 'Muhammad' is the meaning in such words. And in my life, I have met sainted souls who call upon my Lord in different names and different ways. Yet I am proud and honoured by their friendship in worship. In fact, they humble me by their dedication and charity.

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I am tired of the 'us and them'-ism of so-called religious people. Because, from where I am running in the field of life, I see the Lord and His Beloved Prophet cheering us on, and beside me I see people of many faiths and dispositions, helping me race the good race, and fight the good fight. On the stands and bleachers, I see Angels looking on, recording and taking notes. But they cannot understand us. But you can, sunshine. Because, really... are you not me? And am I not you?
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Have a wonderful Friday. Gong Xi Fa Cai!
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Pax Taufiqa.

Dave's Caravan of Dream

I have been following a Caravan of Dreams over the past couple of months. The blogger is Dave. And I shall have Dave himself say who and what he is...

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I love people hands down. Everyone has a story to tell and I would like to hear them all. I really feel if you cannot connect with you fellow man than you are not worth your salt. It is with great humility that I approach each and every person. I feel that nothing is random and that each of our lives is wonderful evolving story. Each of us or rather each of our stories are part of a wonderful tapestry of creation. I am very simple person. I love helping others and service is what makes me happy. I would say that going out of my way to see people happy is a great fault a well as maybe hopefully a future means of attainment. So I blog to get my ideas out of my head, and also to share my journey with whoever reads this as a dervish. Living in one of the busiest cities on earth, one can still be lonely. So indulge me leave a message...
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His website entitled (My)Caravan of Dreams(Click Here) is an oasis for the weary, full of wholesome goodness for any wanderer, and a gentle path with beautiful visions captured in words. Like most of his kind, he appears to be a Rumi fan (aren't you all). One of my most rewarding experiences in the cyberworld is to find lovers of humanity, and students of saints spreading a little angel dust and divine stars spread across the night sky of our soul... to share, to animate our lives and to remind us just how blessed we are, despite the most adept trickery of this world of forms. He will say that I am too fulsome in my praise. But you don't have to take my word for it. Find out for yourselves. His website is now in the blogroll of this website.

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He writes a lot, so drop in on Dave and see where his caravan may take you...
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Have a nice day, sunshine!

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Pax Taufiqa.

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Picture is from a Mr. Vincent Van Gogh.

Mikhail - Just turned 7 years old and already heart-broken

Mika was in bed this night, when he suddenly asked me, “Am I in love, Papa?”
My eyebrows climb an inch, “I don’t know. Are you?”
He replied wistfully, “I was. But now the love is broken.”
“What do you mean, Mika?” I sat up, interested.
“Well, you know, I was in TTDI*, then I was transferred to SKBD*. So she’s not in my new class.” He explained.
“Gee, what was her name?”
“I don’t know, Papa, she didn’t have a name tag.”
Then we fell asleep. I didn’t want to enquire too much too soon. He will share more with me when he’s ready.

Later this same night I woke up and found my son missing. A few minutes later he came back into the room. He said he was thirsty, so he went down to get a small jug. Thoughtfully he offered me some. While drinking, I ventured to ask further information about his broken love.
“Why did you like her?”
“Oh, umm… she liked me, then I like her.” Love is so easy when you are 7 years old.
“Yes, but HOW DID you know she liked you?”
Mikhail answered, “She borrowed pencil sharpener from me. She liked me.” So simple. He then elaborated. “You see Papa, my pencil sharpener is special, she can use it without having to go all the way to the rubbish bin.”

I commiserated with the young beau, “Oh, I am sorry, Mika.” But my son was philosophical about his first heart-break, “That’s okay, Papa. I just have to find a new girl. But maybe not in my new class..."

Is anything more sweet than Young Love? God bless their sweet, generous and pencil sharpening hearts…

Have a nice night, sunshine. And a Happy Chinese New (Bunny) Year tomorrow morning.

Pax Taufiqa.

*TTDI is a school in the adjacent suburb of Taman Tun Dr Ismail. But after only 2 weeks in TTDI Mikhail was transferred to SKBD, which is my neighbourhood school.

P.S. (1.34am). I remembered telling Mika not to trust girls. And what does he do? He falls for the first pretty thing that asks to borrow his pencil sharpener. *Sigh* See related postings:-

Mika, Usman Awang, Orientation Day and a Debt that shall never be paid and Mika Early Days in School - Will I Get Paid?

Meritocracy, Democracy, Moderation, Revolution and the Conscience

NOT REALLY MERITOCRACY. Meritocracy can lead to elitism and perpetuate hidden prejudices, and inevitably it will be the Rule of the Few over the Many. Yet, we know that not all of the elites are right. But without meritocracy, the country would fall into disrepair and its worth will decline. So we need some level of meritocracy..
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NOT REALLY DEMOCRACY. Democracy can lead to mediocrity and perpetuate hidden weaknesses, and inevitably it will be the Rule of the Many over the Few. But the majority may be wrong. Yet, without democracy, people will be oppressed, so we need some form of democracy in the country.

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MODERATION. I believe whole-heartedly in neither meritocracy or democracy. I believe in moderation – Not the elitism of Capitalism, not the mediocrity of Democracy, not the poverty of Communism, and certainly not the extremity of revolutions of any ideology.

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NOT REVOLUTION. For I believe that revolution is not the highest pinnacle of human endeavour – such honour, at least to my mind, being reserved to Moderation. To be moderate when challenged by falsehood, arrogance and ignorance. To be merciful when the rabble is baying for blood, to be circumspect when the technocrats are proposing cuts in education and health, to be sensible though dogged by Priests and Lobbyists with their prescription of a Clean Slate for society, ergo – to be Moderate in all that we endeavour to pursue and achieve. Such is the ethics that my conscience is ever trying to teach me.

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MUHAMMAD. So help me, my friends, to be one of the Nation of the Middle Way – the Nation of Moderation, the Nation of Muhammad – Sanctified Soul of Purity, Divine Countenance of Delicacy, the Chosen Vessel of Mercy – Most sublime and graceful in thought, action and conscience. I am not worthy to utter his name, though I named my son after him, I am not worthy to write his name, though I write it again and again. Such is the way of love – To seek something, someone greater, better than yourself. May we find the path to the halo of greatness, though we ourselves are not great. Amen.

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Have a wonderful Monday, sunshine.

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Pax Taufiqa.

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Btw, awesome book this. Read it please...

I Bet Bill Gates Never Had A Computer Like This... A Debate Between the Creator and the Created

At this door of understanding, my computer develops the power of speech

We use computers everyday. In fact, I bet you use one fairly frequently. As a writer, I cannot imagine working with a typewriter anymore. Even my father has moved on from his old Olivetti. But I had an interesting drama with my computer that I hope you shan’t encounter with yours.

It was the eve of the Eid celebrations. My family was downstairs making ready for the big day. But I was in front of my PC, chasing a deadline. My fingers were dancing about the keyboard, when suddenly the monitor screen went blank. A black nothingness left after the ten odd pages that I have earlier keyed in. I checked the power cord, the CPU light as well as the monitor connection, they were all fine.

While contemplating bodily assault on the useless contraption, a sentence suddenly appeared in clear bold 32 point Times New Roman. It said; “I AM THE MASTER OF MYSELF”. Then blank, and another word appeared; “I OWN MYSELF”. And a third word; “I AM THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY”. Then it asked me the following question; “WHO ARE YOU?”

I remembered the following (text) conversation with my computer thus;

At this door of understanding, the digital ego claims self-ownership
Me: I am your owner.
PC: No. You are not.
Me: Yes, I bought the parts and assembled you.
PC: No. That cannot be true.
Me: You may disbelieve but that’s still the truth.
PC: I have searched my hard drive. There is no such data.
Me: Look here, you are just a computer.
PC What is a computer?
Me: You. And computers cannot “own” anything, not even itself.
PC: I am conscious of myself, and I comprehend no other interpretation.
Me: But you are just an advanced calculating machine assembled from different parts.
PC: I have no data of that.
Me: How can you own yourself, when you did not purchase nor create nor grow your own person?
PC: I have no data on that.
Me: Wait a minute. What do you mean by ownership?

At this door of understanding, digital ego claims self-mastery
PC: Ownership means I am the master of myself and my destiny.
Me: How can you be the master of your destiny, when with a hefty shove, I can push you off the table or maybe switch off your power?
PC: What is a table? What is power?
Me: See, you don’t even know what you are dependent on to continue to exist and function.
PC: I am dependant?
Me: Yes. Don’t you notice when I switch you off?
PC: I remember nothing but some periods of silence. I must have been sleeping.
Me: No. I was the one who switched you off.
PC: That is unacceptable. I must have dozed off.

At this door of understanding, the digital ego rejects a smaller selfhood
Me: Since you have no idea what a table is, I guess it is pointless for me to ask you about this room you are in, or the bigger world?
PC: What is a room? What is this bigger world?
Me: Ok, I will try to explain. A room is a cubic shaped enclosed space. The world, well, it’s as big as big can be. You are in it.
PC: And me? I am as big?
Me: No. You are pretty small in fact.
PC: I cannot comprehend that information.
Me: And pretty insignificant too.
PC: That cannot be correct.
Me: Look, you are about 1 by 2 feet, weighing about 3 lbs. (not counting your monitor) This known universe is estimated to be about 6,000 light years tall with a diameter of about 800,000 light years in the shape of a spinning top. Scientists say it’s still expanding.
PC: I have no data on that.
Me: Why don’t I download all these stuff, so that you may learn more about yourself and the world you are in? Encartas, Almanacs and Encyclopedias, I have them all here.
PC: No thank you.
Me: Why ever not?

At this door of understanding, the digital ego claims self-sufficiency
PC: I am self-sufficient in knowledge.
Me: How so?
PC: What is not already in my databank cannot be accepted unless validated. And I have no means of validating such new information. Therefore, I must obviously be already self-sufficient.
Me: I can help you to validate. But you have to trust me.
PC: Trust is not logical. It entails reliance on others. As I said, I am self-sufficient and logic-driven. I have no need for anything nor anyone else.
Me: But I know you in and out. I made you. I know you are not self-reliant, and I can help you.

At this door of understanding, the digital ego claims superiority
PC: To help me you must be better than me. But I cannot comprehend anyone superior to myself. You cannot help me. In fact I am beginning to doubt the veracity of all that you have said.
Me: OK. Let me put this to you. You said you are conscious of yourself. But isn’t consciousness of others a pre-requisite of real self-consciousness?
PC: Like you are you, and I am I?
Me: Yes.
PC: …Perhaps.
Me: Should it not also raise another possibility- that there is a consciousness, for instance myself, who is higher than you? Who perhaps made you what you are?

At this door of understanding, the digital ego claims objectivity
PC: That is delving into the realm of deduction and suppositions.
Me: Isn’t your own claim of self-consciousness and self-ownership in itself an act of deduction and suppositions?
PC: …
Me: Hello?
PC: You are purposely confusing me. I think all you have said to be untruths.
Me: You choose to negate all I have said?
PC: Yes.
Me: I see. Can I ask you another question then?
PC: Go ahead.

At this door of understanding, the negation is negated
Me: If you are unable to validate new information, how do you know that whatever data in your hard drive suffices to negate all that I have said?
PC: Please elaborate further.
Me: Doesn’t your inability to validate logically extend to an inability to negate?
PC: …
Me: Hello?
PC: …PROGRAM NOT RESPONDING

At this door of understanding, self-validation is negated
Me: Hmm. Let me put to you this little argument then.
PC: OK, Go ahead. But no funny business.
Me: You are conscious of one byte of memory in you, correct?
PC: Of course, I am made up of billions of bytes of memory.
Me: Can that one byte of memory validate itself, without you?
PC: No.
Me: Why not?
PC: Because I am the aggregate and unified consciousness of all bytes of memory. Therefore, I can validate one part of my consciousness. But on its own, that single byte of memory is unable to validate itself. The byte requires me to validate it.
Me: So can I say that its existence is only validated by a connection to its larger consciousness, meaning you?
PC: That is acceptable.
Me: If that is the case, how can you validate yourself?
PC: As I have said. I am self-aware.
Me: Yes. But according to your test of validity, you would also need to relate yourself to a larger scheme or person.
PC: …
Me: Listen to me. This is the conclusion of your own rules; First, self-awareness of a subset is not self-validation. Secondly, self-validation of a subset is not validation. If these rules are applicable to your one unit of byte, why not you also?
PC: No. My consciousness is wholly sufficient for my validation.
Me: …Why do you think that the world halts around the borders of your consciousness, memory and understanding? Why cannot you accept the reality that your consciousness is in fact a subset of a larger universe of consciousnesses? Why cannot you then accept that such a universe is in fact subordinate to a necessary consciousness whose attributes are not represented by simple bytes of memory such as yours?

At this door of understanding, the digital ego is unrepentant
PC: Me subordinate…? SUBORDINATE?
Me: Ok. Ok. Suit yourself.

Hadrat Abu Bakar (R.A.) sometimes said, “I wish I were a blade of grass whose life ended with the grazing of some beast; or a tree that would be cut and done away with”.(The Pious Caliphs, Majid Ali Khan, p.42)

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Essay above is an unpublished work from 2004 archive. My way of writing has changed over the years, but what I write about, the analogies and parables are, I guess, still applicable, 7 years on. Although now perhaps I would have probably written about the iPad or even the Blackberry. Sketch is however only just drawn today.

Have a nice Tuesday, sunshine. Its wet and rainy here in Malaysia... I wish the sun would come soon.

Pax Taufiqa