HIJRA AND A NEW BEGINNING

Salams, sunshine. the sinner has migrated (digitally) to a new website. Visit me at Notrumi. It has been awhile, I know.  I have in fact been planning this hijra (pilgrimage) for some time now since last year. And now it begins. No more hesitation, no more procrastination.

May this be a good beginning for us all, insyaAllah.

(Dear God... I am gonna miss writing here.)

wa min Allah at-taufiq

DON'T BLINK! ...passengers waiting at the terminal of life

Don't Blink!

Don't mind me,

I am just passing through,

Don't mind me,

I am just passing by,

Don't save a seat for me,

Don't sign that freehold,

I am not stopping here forever,

Nothing will stop us from 

Growing old,

For I am just passing through,

A traveler in my life's winter,

All dressed to face the cold,

Waiting to drink the bitter,

A traveler passing by,

Suddenly out of the door,

If you but blink an eye

Here, in my life's winter... 

So don't think. my child,

Love and do not blink.

..................... 

It is futile to seek permanence in this reality. For this world is in truth a departure terminal. Undoubtedly, it is a beautiful place to be, with all sorts of distractions on offer, but we cannot deny that upon the instance of our birth, we already have our boarding pass for that return flight to our Creator.

I guess the apparent regularity of death in my life, among my friends, family members and my masters,, has turned my mind towards the inevitable question  - I hope my destination at the end of that not-to-be-delayed flight will be the same.

For I love them so, and I miss them so. And with them is where I want to be. I figure that you too have witnessed the passing of your loved ones, sunshine. And perhaps like me, you also now tend to look at the wares and products on offer in the terminal of this life with less attention and passion. Not because we love life less, no, it is not that at all...

It is only because life has an end, do we realise how precious it is. 

Thus by the infinite, do we comprehend the value of the finite...

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way  

THE RANSOM OF CREATION

The Ransom for Creation

Every time you inhale

With the intention of reciting

Salutations and praise 

For the Prophet,

Lo, that lungful of air 

Is worth more

Than all of Creation... 

So let your salawat 

For the Prophet 

Be heard,

Release the ransom of creation

And let your salawat 

For the Prophet

Be heard,

Let it be known

The reason for Creation,

And let your salawat

For the Prophet

Be heard...

........................

Fossils, not Faith. One day I will not be here anymore to write this almanac. But I will be happy to receive the ending credits, that final curtain call of Allah (swt) that all creatures face, if I but know that these words will continue to float in your consciousness, sunshine. And for this, I would be eternally grateful.

Fossils, Not Faith

Lo, seek for the crier of tears!

The yearning ones,

The ones overcome with passion

At the mere recollection of the Prophet,

For their river of tears

Waters the field of real knowledge

And prevents the lore of God

From ossifying, drying up

And hardening into 

Fossils of faith,

Dead bones

Only fit to be

Exhibited in

The museum. 

.........................

Just Words. It is hard speaking, but how will we find God Almighty without the Prophet of God (saws)? Is it faith we have, or have we collected some old bones, dug from the earth of the holy Quran? Fossils really, dead lifeless prose, undoubtedly beautiful, full of knowledge and hypnotic, but at the end just words. And this we think suffices us to face this world, our willful ego, the accursed Satan and his minions?

Truth is choking them. Neither by our strength, nor by our greatest intellectual grasp of religion will we be safe. Oh how easy it is to say, "O' Prophet (saws), you have been sent to us and we are in need of you. So be alive in our hearts and our conscience, do not leave us for one moment to our fickle self. We are your nation, and we are undone without your love and mercy! For have you not been sent to all worlds and nations as God's Own mercy?" How strange then that some believers in the holy Quran find such words choking in their throat, unable to spit it out, crying out instead, "Bida'ah! Bida'ah (innovations and heresy)!"

Sigh.

But then again, love can never be completely explained. So I will stop here and ask God to show us His Love - Nabi Muhammad (saws), the Seal of the Messengers, the completion of mercy and generosity of the Merciful and Generous One to all His creation.

That's you and me, kiddo! So never despair, and smile always... 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE WINDOW DISPLAY OF THE SOUL... belief is not a destiny but a journey

The Window Display of the Soul

I am looking at myself,

Looking at the words

That I bedeck this almanac with,

Akin to a window-shop display

Of my thoughts that I found

Prose-like and pretty,

And I now wonder whether

These words truly

Represent me,

After some contemplation

The truth is deceptively easy,

That, no, these words are not me

But they are what I would like to be.

..........................

Salesmanship and self-delusion. We all have a certain level of salesmanship. I think it is inherent in most people, that we would like people to think of us in the best way possible. And indeed, it is true even for our own self knowledge.  We are our own shopkeeper, and we decorate the window-shop of our soul with pretensions of virtue, and we are also the customer of this products of self delusion. 

I am thinking of this because of the simple words; "I believe in God." And after some contemplation, I must admit that my level of belief in God rises and ebbs according to my tide of fortune. I would like to be constant and steady, but no. At an intellectual level, yes, but not on a moment-by-moment impassioned way, to live my life in the constant assurance of His existence and what He has promised humanity.  

Belief is not a destination but a journey. This in itself is not a bad thing, I guess. For I do believe that complete belief is reserved only for the Prophets of God, and the best and highest form of belief in God is in the conduct and manners of Muhammad Habibullah (saws), our most beloved and the last of the Prophets of God. So now, when I am thinking or talking, I am careful with the words, "I believe in God." Saying or thinking these words as honest as I can, and asking God to bring me closer to the completeness of belief, to the sweetest of His Truth, which is exemplified in the Prophet (saws). Phew... that is a big, cosmic level prayer. But even an infinite journey begins with a single step, yes?

Abang Shem. I would like to end this posting with a sad news of the passing of my beautiful cousin, Mohamed Zaid bin Zainal, known to me as Abang Shem. He passed away on Sunday morning. I will write of him when I am more calm and collected. May Allah (swt) accept him and bring him to the Divine Presence in the company of Nabi Muhammad (saws).

al fatiha

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE LONELY SHORE - of certainties and openness

The Lonely Shore

I am a lonely shore,
A sandy bank
By a deep, rich sea.
All manner of people walk on me,
Leaving their footprints
Coming out of the waves,
Their enduring wandering
Ending Hu knows where.

In the imprints in my heart
I can see their path
And the beliefs
They say they believe in.

But I cannot live
On another person's belief,
So I ask that God Almighty
Give me my own belief'
To believe in,

And not leave me
Forever a lonely shore,
A sandy bank
By a deep, rich sea.
......................

Keep it open. Do not close your heart, sunshine. Do not say or act, "Yup, I know it all. I don't need to know anymore. My mind and heart is made up..." For the simple truth is, truth is not as simple as that. And when you are seeking to be the dust beneath the feet of saints, or watchdogs at their door, you have to keep nimble and awake. Awake to challenges to your own certainty, awake to whatever God Almighty may arrange to come your way, "Hmm... let us see how Taufiq deals with THIS, that old Mr,Know-it-all,,,"

The firm toehold. But we must have some certain rock. An unchangeable principle, a toehold in our heart that we must protect, Perhaps, if you are a Muslim, it would be our declaration of faith (the syahadah) - I bear witness that there is no god but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God, These are the words that make life, truly worth living for. Indeed, in its words is the true flowering of humanity's potential and promise - and your own, whatever be your dream or talent.

Keeping the values. And the final point is this - may we never ever, in our efforts to keep to our syahadah, do or say or permit anything to happen that directly or, more often that not, indirectly destroy the very values and connection of the Divinity and our humanity that is part of our syahadah.

For in our lifetime alone we have seen enough blood, enough depravity, enough lies and hypocrisies, all done 'in the name of God'. Do you not agree, my love?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE TREE OF MUHAMMAD

The Tree of Muhammad

I am a tree,

And I have been created

Complete in my perfection,

You may take sustenance from 

My deepest roots to the highest

Leaf or flower that bloom from me,

You may pick my low lying fruits,

You may take shelter beneath me 

From the heat of the sun

From the wetness of the rain,

And from the hubris of men,

You may approach me from 

Any direction, and along any path,

For I am created to endure 

And for as long as the forest remains

I shall always be here, waiting for you,

Indeed, by my Most Merciful Lord,

I was created that you may be created,

And If you think your desire and longing for me is great,

Lo, You will not bear to know my desire

And longing for you!

Who will come to me?

Who will sit under my shade?

Who will rest his weary troubles on me?

Who will share my fruits and my nectar?

Who will take delight in my company?

........................ 

What is a tree? It is a living breathing organism without whom we would perish and this world would be a dead soulless planet. Yesterday morning Heche and me were buying breakfast from a street pedlar who was selling his nasi lemak under a tree by a busy suburban street. As I was waiting for Heche to complete our transaction I stood next to the tree and wondered in my wandering whim, "How many countless people have passed you by, o' Tree, barely noticing your existence, yet taking shelter beneath your rich green foliage?"

As we rush through our daily life, filled with distractions and illusions of this world, we often forget what truly matters. I thanked the tree for giving me a shade, and gently pressed my palm against its brittle grey bark. In the name of God that made you, thank you! In the name of the Prophet, thank you for your beauty!

Sarawak. When I was away in Sarawak, I was often close to tears. Not out of sadness, but joy. And a sense of overwhelming thankfulness for being surrounded by my beautiful friends, and beautiful trees. Arriving early in the town of Kuching I was brought to a cemetery near my friend's house to visit his late father, grandparents and great grandfather.

There, nestled among the shrubbery and trees, I found his ancestors's graves and the historical link to a beautiful history.  And I, Taufiq the recalcitrant sinner, playing an unlikely part in my friend's own story.  Winding through history like a path through the spiritual station of honoured ones, we find ourselves here today - somewhere in the most beautiful lore of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). Thus, our sincere prayers is that Allah (swt) shall allow us to contribute a chapter to His Habibullah's (saws) story, whether as a beautiful rose or even a fern or a humble blade of grass or moss... That is enough already.

Don't you agree, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE WIND TREE, THE FAKE FAKIR AND THE SOLE REASON FOR HISTORY

The Wind Tree
If you wish to fly like the wind,
You must have roots like the tree.
..........................................

A Hullo. Hullo there, sunshine. I must admit that it has been some time since I last wrote here in the almanac. I do not know if I will continue writing regularly henceforth, but let us not worry about that...

Reality of History. You know, it is no good to desire some transcendental ascent, without good solid grounding in reality, and in particular, how our own history shapes it.

For history tells us how we come to be here today. Through the daily lives of our fathers and mothers, and our forefathers before them, through their fate we are led to this point in our life, and our own fate, insignificant as it may seem in the greater cosmos.

Importance and Self-importance. Yet, you are not insignificant. Whether you are a beggar in the street, a reveler in the nightclub or a dervish in the mosque, you are certainly important. Most importantly because you are beloved and cared by your Creator.

The risk is how our own hubris and pride takes that divine importance and turn it into damnable self-importance. 

The True Self is... Perhaps this is why I have been writing less nowadays. Repelled by my own horrible sense of self-importance. I guess I am tired of feeling like a fake faker, Ooh, Taufiq you fool, so full of your 'self'! I know this because an ancient friend tells me this - 'your true self is in your actions, actions motivated by selflessness. Any other reason for conduct is an illusion and a trap.'  

The Sole Reason for History. If only I could just let go and disappear. For I can sense the roots that entwine us all in the clay of our fragile humanity. There, in our shared history is all the nourishment we need for a better future. All the lessons and examples, the parables and wisdom of the Prophets of God. 

But knowing something is not the same as living something. So please, pray for me, sunshine! May Allah (swt) bless your kindness with the attention and guidance of Nabi Muhammad (saws), for he is the epitome of selflessness and generosity, and the entire cause and reason for our creation and history.

Don't you agree?  

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

THE GOSSAMER WEB OF GOD ...and the great inner-verse of emptiness

Gossamer Web of God
The slightest nuance 
May break me,
Some thoughtless words 
May kill me,
A bad idea may despoil
And end my story,

I am spun in a loom,
I am made from the finest thread,
I am fatal as your burial shroud
And your wedding bed, 

I am a string of thoughts
Woven into a form,
Given meaning and a name;
I am a Gossamer Web
Of God,

I am you. 

I am only waiting for you 
To remember... 

...........

As you grow old, as the invincibility of your youth leaves you, as you take time to ponder, you will realise that we are so intangible. 

It is as if, God created us to fill an emptiness, but in doing so, we come to also feel the emptiness, and thus, although we have a form, we  continue to remain empty. 

And what fills the great emptiness that lay between our smallest sub-atomic particles that make up us? Nothing. A great inner-verse of emptiness. In that state lies the sirr (secret) of  dzikr, the remembrance of God Almighty - For as opposites attract, so we are naturally drawn towards the Reality and Truly Tangible, yearning for the Absolute and the Eternal, and that is Him the One and Only.

Help me remember, o' Prophet!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

Metaphors and Divine Promises

Realities, Metaphors and Analogies

If you say this world is real,

I will not disagree with you,

If you say this world is illusory,

I will not disagree with you,

If you say that this world is a metaphor,

I will not disagree with you,

As a reality and an analogy,

I will not disagree with you.

For every day, and every moment,

So long as you are a thinking and feeling

Member of the human race,

You will live in both worlds,

Standing across two meanings

Whose divide is wider than the Universe,

Seeing illusions and bearing witness

To His Embrace, He that is God Almighty,

The Last and the First.

..................

I have not written much but here I am, still very much alive and kicking. Metaphorically, speaking. He he he.

Have a wonderful Eidul Adha, sunshine. May Allah (swt) ease our journey from faithlessness to faithfulness, from all that is ugly and illusory to all that is true and lovely... towards Muhammad Habibullah, Mercy to all the Worlds (saws).

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Divine Promises
Escape the illusion of the bars that cage your soul,
Remember God and His Prophet,
Remember the divine promises long foretold!

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

PINCHED AND SO CLOSE... and yet so far

All Pinched

The love of the Prophet is a garden in my heart. 

And it is so beautiful, so wondrous that at times 

I pinch myself that it is indeed here at all. 

By Allah the Generous, 

That is why you find me in this state... 

So bruised by so many pinching. 

So Close Yet So Far

I take these words and passing thoughts of you to present to you, o' Beloved,

But they are never enough. for I see and can barely comprehend 

Your beauty and magnificent mercy, 

Only for Allah to raise your noble station higher and more honoured. 

Yet you say you care for my soul far better than I myself?... 

By Allah the Tender, 

That makes me feel so close to you

And yet so far from you.

........................................

The worth of man or a woman is measured by how close he or she brings us nearer to you, o' Prophet, O' Most Beautiful Rose in Allah's Secret Garden of Roses, ya Muhammad the Veiled Moon shining upon the forest of incoherent reflection of your blessed eminence and light... so guide the guide to us, and leave us not to our own caprice!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 7th September 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

A BONFIRE OF WHITE FIRE

A Bonfire of White Fire

You are my wonder

You are my mystery

You are my forever

And I would lay waste

All my world for You

In a bonfire of white fire,

If it was Your pleasure,

You are my perfection

You are my redeemer

My Guide and my Master

And how I regret each breath

That I steal when of You

I fail to remember,

For it is theft that I commit,

It is a fraud that I abet,

It is a lie that I aid to fulfill,

The vainglory of my capricious will...

When oh Lord, oh Master,

I forget myself for even a moment.

By forgetting my God, Allah, and Muhammad, my Master,

........................

The seconds are endless... the days countless... the years, shamefully many in which I, your writer, has constantly failed to remember God Almighty, and His Habibullah, Nabi Muhammad (saws).

For I fear that for far too long, I, your sinner, was easily persuaded by the temporary distractions of this world, by the poison honey, the chemical happiness, the cheap tawdry gratification so well presented in the window shop of this reality. 

But not you, sunshine. You who are my betters, saw through the deception of this ego-world, and learned well the lessons. At the knees of the wise, you learned to discern the true sweetness of love, the honey of submission, the wine of exaltation in the praise of Allah swt and the wonder that is the Holy al-Quran and the sunnah (traditions) of His Beloved Muhammad (saws).

If you can spare a cup of knowledge, a drop of compassion, a hint of hope, pour your love in my direction, and keep me in your prayers, please. You may consider yourself ordinary, my readers. But I see you very differently. You are my hope for my humanity. So grip tight the robes of the saints and the saintly!  

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 1st September 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way   

MERDEKA POEM 2014 - Shed Me No Tear.

Shed Me No Tear

Don't mourn my passing,

Don't shed a tear,

What is death but

The end of my dying

As I change from one

Dress for another 

Infinitely better.

Don't mourn my passing

Don't shed a tear,

What is death but

The end of my living

As I trade this world

And all its baubles

For His Love undeniable

And for His Mercy incomparable.

So don't mourn my passing, my dear

And shed not a tear,

For I am coming to the Truth unveiled...

That there is no beginning, no passing,

No ending of anything for me,

That there is no there, no here

No distance to deceive me.

So you see,,,

Finally, when I have shed my veil,

Rejoice for me

And shed me no tear.

.................

Closure. Someone said something the other day. With the arrival of the deceased Malaysians who perished on board flight MH17, he observed kindly, "Perhaps the family will get some closure now."

Openings. When my mother died in 2002, and my brother on September 14th 2013, I wanted no closure. I wanted an opening. I do not want to be led into an enclosure of my memories of them. I wanted more, and unconsciously, I guess, I kept asking God for more.

I am fortunate that I am friends with those who feel the same way. After all, there is more than two billion Muslims who attend to their daily lives talking not only to God Almighty, but to His Beloved, Nabi Muhammad (saws) - a direct connection vouched by the Prophet Muhammad (saws) himself.

Twin Calamities. My country has faced twin calamities in the disappearance of MH370 and the downing of MH17 this year. But in such tragedies there are openings. For nothing happens without a reason, and it is my fervent hope that my couintrymen will show the world a response that is circumspect with understanding, wisdom and submission to His Will. 

We are a little minnow in God's ocean of nations. And in good and bad times, we turn to Him and seek the guidance of His Habibullah (saws) always. 

Our prayers this 57th Merdeka Day go to our founding fathers, both Muslims and non-Muslims alike, who have blessed our country with their courage and endurance, their love and compassion. 

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 31st August 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

IN THE WINDOW-SHOP OF THE WORLD, THE ONLY ITEM FOR SALE IS MADNESS - MH17, rejecting despair, embracing hope and the real struggle within us all...

Our Struggle

Today I declare my struggle against hubris,

Against hatred and bigotry,

Against the warmongers and the war profiteers,

Against the hidden hands and their well-dressed murderers,

Today I declare my struggle against the ignorance of Man and their arrogance,

Against their petty quarrels and pious slights,

Against the venom of the backbiters,

Against the whispers of the whisperers in the night

Taunting Man to fight and kill for his 'rights',

Today I declare my struggle against all these vices,

But above all else, I declare my struggle against these vices in me,

Shadowing my waking and sleeping hour

Giving my heart no rest till

My very soul tremble and cower,

Today I seek the Light upon Light, to guide and save me

Lest I be yet another slave to 

The One-eyed King in 

His Golden Tower.

.....................

Don't despair, sunshine. Do not be too worried about the theatre playing in the world stage. Attend to the present, to yourself and to those closest to you.

The world may attempt to bring its conflicts, its wars, its greed, inhumanity and hate to our very doorsteps. But it is forbidden to enter. Not unless you permit it to enter.

MH17. Yesterday, being a Friday, the whole nation of Malaysia mourned for the loss of innocent lives onboard MH17. A day of mourning was declared as the remains of our fellow citizens were brought home with honour and solemnity. But the question remains - someone shot it down, and I used to wonder aloud, "If we found out who really did it, whom should we invade? Russia or Ukraine?"

Russia or Ukraine? But truth be told, I am not wanting to declare jihad (struggle) on anyone really. For at the moment they are like little dusts messing the threshold of my soul. And I want nothing of the madness that appears to be the only item for sale in the window-shop of this world.

The real struggle. You and I, we are concerned with the inestimable infinity. What is a few days, years or centuries in our heart? For we are busy making our heart presentable for the Light of Muhammad (saws), and everything else are false and worthless distractions, pretentious facsimile to the True Reality of God Almighty. That is the struggle we are endeavouring to win, a struggle from the moment our conscience understands right and wrong, until we are returned to the bosom of the earth, back to Allah (swt).

So I will see you there, yes? In the antechamber of the heart, where secrets are revealed again and again and again. Hold my hand, sunshine. For I am always in need of guidance and encouragement. And that fact, alas, is no secret at all!

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Notrumi Embun, 23rd August 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way

STUPIDITY TRAVELING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT... and the few not joining the race.

You Are Never Alone

If you feel disconnected,

Underwhelmed by

The Consumer Society,

Don't worry,

For you are not alone...

If you feel sidelined,

For nobody's side

Appears appealing,

Don't fret about it,

For you are not alone...

If you ask yourself,

Why do I bother

To read the news

Or the walls on Facebook,

Don't be anxious

For you are not alone...

If you are in a group,

And all the chats revolve

Around insignificant things,

It is no course for concern,

For you are not alone...

You are never alone.

We are here with you.

................

Why am I here? I wonder sometimes. Why do I bother opening the newspaper in the morning. Why do I bother to read tweets and postings on Facebook walls. The amount of vitriol, sarcasm, cynicism, hubris, hate, envy, depression, misinformation, propaganda, under-researched conclusions, racism and bigotry, and just plain old simple imbecility is breath-taking.

Not all sharing is good. It is not that I think this generation is particularly more bad than the previous ones. But the instantaneous sharing (or crowing, is another word) of things online is just too easy. Here we are, sitting with our laptop or smartphones, and throwing our thoughts into the cyber world as if there is no one out there to judge what we write. But you are judged by your peers. All the time, 24/7. 

Online crows real life turtle doves. The funny thing is that when you personally meet some of these online crows, they turn out to be so much more nicer and sensible birds of an altogether different plumage. What is it about writing and sharing online which appears to bring out the bad in people?

Stupidity traveling at the speed of light. You know, there is no harm keeping some bad thoughts in us. For we are all generally normal human beings with normal bias and social conditioning which has made us less than perfect. Often, with the grace of God Almighty, we never actually get around to act out the bad deeds. And in the old days, where you would have to write a letter and post it to a newspaper or magazine and hope that the editor might choose your letter or opinion to publish, the chances of you actually permanently sharing your opinions are actually very, very small. Now though, every envy, every malice, every misinformation, every hubris and idiotic observations will have potentially millions of audience at the press of the button. The Disinformation and Corruption Superhighway we can call it. Hate and Stupidity racing across the globe at the speed of light.

Oh boy.

Doing good. But I am kept on the net because of a few. And these few shine like bright stars in an otherwise ocean of malice, hubris and foolishness. So thank you, sunshine... for without you, what little faith I have in humanity would long have ebbed with the rising tide of violence, corruption and exploitation that appears to be part and parcel of our daily life nowadays. 

They are not all Muslims, these few. But they are living their lives in worshipful praise of God with no agenda, no objectives and no particular aim save one... To do good. 

And to the good is to do God's work.

Don't you agree, sunshine? Auw... bless your heart.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

- Notrumi Embun, 17th August 2014

Hate has no place in Islam

Love will show the Way