I didn't mean the words I said yesterday,
I didn't mean the screams I screamed yesterday,
Nor the sighs that I sighed,
Or the moans that I moaned,.
I didn't mean any of those foolish things,
And wished unsaid the words that I said,
And the deeds that I did,
It is just sometimes...
They come flying out of my lips
And speeding through my mind
Those words and thoughts
All of You to be unkind.
If I am to learn through hardship,
Then through hardship I must,
But there is one thing
Of You that I must ask...
Forgiveness if in learning I am slow,
If in sorrow I often wallow,
If I despair for tomorrow...
Forgive me of my weaknesses,
When (inevitably) I go to pieces,
Pick me up and bind me back,
Bond me always to Your pleasure
Love me, embrace me
And leave me never!
I don't know about you, but I often have unworthy thoughts of our One Lord God. Over this week I suffered from food poisoning and a day later my eyes got infected and light-sensitive until I was running from shadows to shadows hiding from the blinding sun. Where is the wisdom in such ailments? To lose control of my bodily functions and fearing the sun like a demented vampire? Oh, brother.
Now, less than 24 hours later here I am. Cured (apparently) and contented. And this is the wisdom - gratitude and personal hygiene. After 43 years this is where I am, at the very basics of spiritual understanding. There is no better education than experience, I guess. But I will not be too self-satisfied in this almanac, I don't want God to send another illness anytime soon.
After all, I am only a sinner. And a learner sinner at that.
Have a beautiful and healthy day, sunshine.
wa min Allah at-taufiq
Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way