Saturday, November 10, 2012

His Indifference - Freedom, what a poison chalice you may turn out to be!

His Indifference
Oh love,
Do not leave me this way.
In the shadows of Your disapproval,
In the well of my sorrow as
You turn away and You say,
Do as you will!

Oh love,
Do not leave me to my ignorance,
Do not leave me to my folly,
Do you not leave me in
The drought of uncaring,
In the famine of unknowing,
As You turn away and You say,
Do as you wish!

Am I not your weak servant?
Am I not your beloved creature
That you shaped and formed
And in a time long ago
You blew into the clay form
Of my Ancestor, Adam
The Spirit?

Oh love,
I ask you in the name of that Spirit…

To not leave me in the heartless desert of
“Do as you will!” and “Do as you wish!

Or even worse still… “Do whatever you want!

The Age of Enlightenment passed me by. The French Revolution leaves me cold. The frozen rebuke makes me wilt at the thought of choice. Have I, dear friend, grown old?

Or less hasty? When we were young, we were so damn obsessed with growing older. Why... we cannot grow older fast enough. Not that we ever anticipated that growing older will inevitably make us one day, actually old. 

And now that I am here, at the cusp of my 43rd year of life come 2013, I am not so hasty. I want to savour life. Like a fine wine swirling in my wine glass. And one of the things which comes with age is a bit (more) of circumspection and aforethought... 

"I wanna do this, God. What do You think? Good idea?"

"I rather not do this, o' Creator of the World(s). Are You with me?"

"I am just gonna flip a coin on this... What say You, o' He Who Plans the Best?"

"Just another slice of apple pie... Too much, o' Most Benevolent One?"

But whether God approves or disapproves, you sometimes just do it anyway. Yet it is not His disapproval that I am ultimately worried about. But His indifference. That finally, after the millionth time I ignore His gentle counsel voiced through the guidance of the Prophet and the Holy Quran, through the whisper of my very own conscience, God finally gives up on me and declares, "Do whatever you want!" 

Ah, freedom, what a poison chalice you may turn out to be! May God never leave us to the devices of our own choices...

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way


Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

So much wisdom here. Indifference hurts so much.

Milky Tea said...

Yes it does. But like most people, I still complain when God tests me a tiny weeny bit. I am a complainer. Sorry!