Torn and Worried in Medina - Umrah Pilgrimage Part 1

26. I am torn
I cannot see you, love
If I come too close,

I am torn, you see.
Between gazing at your beauty,
And grazing in your intimacy,

Torn, between
The all that is you,
And the nothing
That is me.

Torn between
The Sun and His Moon,

Torn and rent asunder
Between the Sunnaturasul,
And the Sunnatullah.

O' Rasulullah,
O' Habibullah,
Have pity and love for me,
I am a garment cut to pieces,
A cloth torn into rags,
I am fit for no one
Anymore but you,
Just you,
Only you.

Postscript:
Come, Taufiq.
Come, for I am created
As a Mercy to the Worlds,
I am blessed with the Cure,
I am dressed with the Remedy,
And I do not discard what others
May consider ill-used and damaged,
For this is how my Lord has made me!

Are you not happy to know this?
Are you not pleased to know me?
Be patient then, o' Taufiq,
For do you not know,
That patience is
Always with me?

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(Footnote: 'Sunnatullah' means the Way of God, 'Sunnaturasul' means the Way of the Prophet. 'Rasulullah' means the Prophet of God and 'Habibullah' means the Most Beloved of God)

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It is the hardest thing for me. I wish I could be more patient. That way, I will be closer to the Prophet and not this elusive and furtive dervish forever wandering near Medina, gazing with yearning upon Masjid Nabawi (the Mosque of the Prophet), wondering when will he ever get there.

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Actually I will be at the Masjid Nabawi soon, if God permits it. My flight for my umrah (small pilgrimage) via Royal Jordanian is leaving this coming Monday(21st March 2011). And to tell you the truth, I am uber nervous. Because I don't just want to be inside the mosque and near his blessed raudah (tomb) ... I want to be with my Prophet. The two is not necessarily the same.

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I am planning to continue blogging in this 14 days pilgrimage, which will commence first with a visit to Holy Jerusalem. After that I will drop by Amman before proceeding to Medina and finally Mecca. I hope you will accompany me in this journey. I promise I will write as often as I can.
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If you think I have an inkling as to how this trip will be like - I assure you I do not know. I am keeping an open mind and heart... But even as I type this posting, thinking of the umrah makes my heart tremble. Is the Prophet knocking on the door of my heart? Even as I am knocking on his, asking to be let in?

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Have a lovely day, pet.

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Pax Taufiqa