|My name is Taufiq but I am also Abu Mikhail, meaning Father of Mikhail.|
13. A&E, 21st July 2008 (with Ariffin)
How wonderful it is to know
That you can feel love
As you did before.
And to suffer love’s terrible blows
As you did
Long have I not felt
And this numb,
And this dumb.
My name is Taufiq,
And on the eve of this 38th year,
I am Abu Mikhail
Ringmaker, wordsmith, rosarymaker,
Poet, most sincere hypocrite,
Bumbling meddler, habitual sinner.
With a heart crushed by Ahmad, though I know him not at all,
In the floating clouds above me,
In the rustle of leaves around me,
When all humanity, including myself
Seem to have forgotten him.
I am looking for the Maulud in me,
And am a lover of graves and their dwellers,
I am between two fixed points
Of my own beginning and God’s eternity,
I am in the company of honorable friends,
I am meaningless,
And only made meaningful by the hand
That holds me.
But I am also,
Finally, and painfully, just a man.
Note: Maulud - festive congregation celebrating and praising the Prophet Muhammad in music and hymn.
It was more than 3 years ago that I recorded this prose. It was the eve of my first birthday post-divorce, and I guess I was in melancholic introspection of my 38 years since I babbled and gurgled as a newborn in the Abdul Khalid household.
I was a ringmaker because I skipped work for an intensive three days (with room and board) silversmithing course in Newcastle (Kota Bharu, Kelantan). The course was taught by a school teacher by the name of Mr.Zuki. I think I made three silver rings. And I am in fact a rosary maker, although I have not made one for the longest time.
In the prose I also confessed that I am Mikhail's father, I love visiting cemeteries, I love songs in praise of the Prophet (as referred by his other name, Ahmad) and not to mention being a hypocrite and sinner. No surprises there.
Things have not changed much over the three years. What and whom I love, I still do. And lastly, I can confirm (again) that I am still very much, just a man. A happy man, in the company of good friends.
Have a sprightly Sunday, sunshine.
wa min Allah at-taufiq
Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way